Desi Perkins Recalls Crying When Doctors Said She Couldn't Breastfeed Son Anymore: 'It Was Hard'
Desi Perkins/Instagram
Desi Perkins is recalling the emotional moment she was told she couldn't keep breastfeeding her newborn son.
The mega-influencer — who debuted DEZI SKIN earlier this month — gave birth to her first baby with husband Steven, son Ocean, on Oct. 20, and she tells PEOPLE that she has since switched to formula after an emotional doctor's appointment.
"I had to start supplementing formula because I wasn't actually creating enough breast milk, and that's so mentally frustrating," says Perkins. "That's really mentally challenging, breastfeeding is. So I've now started to supplement formula ... and I think there's no shame in that."
"I was really sad," the new mom recalls. "I remember crying in the office when the doctor told me [Ocean] was losing weight, and I just died. I was like, 'Oh my gosh, I'm going to cry. I'm so embarrassed.' And it was hard at first knowing that I had to do that because I always really wanted to breastfeed. But then, ultimately, he started to gain his weight back, and I was like, 'That's what matters. That's what's important: healthy and happy.' "
Perkins explains that the "hardest part about motherhood" so far is that she "felt reborn myself."
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"I honestly felt like I was reborn as a totally different person, and that's something that I honestly didn't expect. I had no idea," she says. "It's such a drastic change that you go through, essentially overnight. And I think the hardest part for me has been really taking the person who I used to be and the person I am now and then meeting myself in the middle."
Continues Perkins, "It's just really finding myself in the whole motherhood situation. Because you don't have as much time for yourself, and especially if you're exclusively breastfeeding. That was really difficult for me because I was just constantly breastfeeding. I just felt like I didn't really have time for myself or anything like that."
"That was really the hardest part," she adds, "just finding my identity as a mom and figuring out who that was."
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After launching a collection of eyewear — which sold out in 45 minutes — under her first independent brand DEZI last summer, Perkins is making her highly anticipated leap into the beauty space with her DEZI SKIN. She tells PEOPLE how she balances her work life and her parenting life, including her new personal rule.
"I actually implemented a rule now in my house that has never existed before. Since having my baby, it's so important for me to have weekends off," she says.
"If I told myself years ago, I would say, 'You're crazy. We work ourselves into the ground here!' " Perkins jokes. "But now, I want undivided attention to my son on the weekends. We don't work at all, and we just have time for ourselves. It's worked out."
She adds, "I actually realized how unproductive I would be during the week when I didn't give myself that time off. In the end, I realized I'm wasting more time during the week saying that I'm tired or not wanting to do something than I would if I just took the weekends off."
