Domestic Violence Awareness month conversation with Holmes County Commissioners

MILLERSBURG — Mom sure knows how to pick them. She's been married three times, and all three of those losers abused her.

OneEighty Victim Advocate/Outreach Specialist Tina Zickefoose enlightened the speaker of that statement, pointing out it wasn't the mother's choice in men that was the problem.

"The mother was the victim," Zickefoose said. "The men were predators preying on her, looking for a woman who they could control and abuse."

Zickefoose shared this anecdote and other information about domestic abuse with the Holmes County Commissioners on Monday, as the commissioners proclaimed October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

"As an advocate for OneEighty here in Holmes County, I work with women and men on domestic violence, sexual assault," Zickefoose said. "I've been doing it about 13 years now.

"In Wayne County we have jail services up there, and their numbers say that like 50 percent of inmates, both men and women have been victims of domestic violence," she continued. "We know this leads to incarceration down the road when they are abused., and they don't make good choices."

She cited numbers like the national average of people that report to an ER are people who have been beaten by their intimate partners.

Zickefoose shared about her experience visiting the Ohio Women's Reformatory for a visit set up by the Ohio Domestic Violence Network.

"A panel of women are in prison for killing their partner," she said. "They shared they stories, saying they wish they had known about advocacy. Some didn't even recognize they were being abused, because it was generational and was normal in that particular family. It just continues on."

Two of women had been incarcerated for more than 30 years and another two had been there for 25 years. Another woman, who was 68, had only been there for two years.

Providing safety for victims of abuse

Zickefoose said the whole thing about her job is keeping the victims safe. Most homicides occur when the victim is getting ready to leave.

"My role is to keep them safe when they're exiting," she said. "Never once have have I ever talked to anyone about not killing (their abuser). It's always about keeping them safe, not thinking that in a moment they might snap and harm someone, and then they're going to prison for murder."

Zickefoose noted that Battered Person Syndrome is a common defense in a domestic situation, but it does not exonerate them from the actions of committing a crime.

Zickefoose added that the state of Ohio has finally recognized choking as strangulation, becoming the last of the 50 states to do so.

"It's been a long time coming," she said. "When somebody puts their hands around your throat, there are only two things they are trying to accomplish."

Commissioners glad to provide assistance

Commissioner Dave Hall thanked Zickefoose for what she does. He noted when he was a state legislator he worked a lot on these issues. He acknowledged the importance of advocates like Zickefoose to help victims.

"The abuser usually tells the abused person, basically, you're a flawed person," Hall said. "Is there something else we can do, beyond awareness."

Zickefoose pointed out that the only offenses for which abusers can be arrested are physical or sexual violence, which are all parts of the spokes of a wheel.

"I have heard many times that the victims were not physically abused, but many of the spokes such as mental abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional are used," she said.

Examples she cited included the abuser breaking the victim's personal belongings rather than their own "more valuable things", or using the children or pets as pawns.

She said fear of losing custody of their kids, or the threat of something bad happening to their pet, which often serves as a security blanket, are other spokes in the circle of violence abusers use.

Zickefoose added that some of the problems she faces in providing assistance is poor cell phone service in rural areas, as well as inaccurate GPS directions for some of the more remote areas.

This article originally appeared on The Daily Record: October is Domestic Violence Awareness month