Don Kahle: Giving Oregon vs. OSU rivalry a makeover
The Oregon Ducks host the Oregon State Beavers this weekend for their 125th rivalry football game. Both university presidents agreed to stop calling it the Civil War — a moniker not suitable for a friendly tête-à-tête between scholarly neighbors.
The game is currently referred to as the Oregon Classic (as it was known until 1937), Oregon’s rivalry game, or the football game previously known as the Civil War. I thought we could do better, so I asked around. Facebook friends and I came up with 75 alternatives. You can add more.
Civil War Redux — Some crafted correlatives to the Civil War, pointing forward and back at the same time. For instance: Oregon War, The Latest Indiscretion, The Polite Discourse, Kill or Be Killed, The Tribal Bowl, Research and Destroy, The Uncivil War.
Generic Names — In the end, this is a branding battle. (Hey, that would be a good name!) Can Oregon’s best branding brains work with one of these? The Good Game, The State Game, The Oregon Bowl, Us vs. Them, Sports Ball Showdown, Pigskin Pickle, The Oregon Prickle, Clash & Dash, Left Overs, The Turkey Bowl, Kerfuffle, Concussion Conclave, A Confederacy of Dunces, The It's Just a Game Game.
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History and Culture — Most sportscasters (except Bill Walton) don’t know our history and culture. Why not make them learn some? Try these: Hemp Bowl, The Oregon Biggie, FurtherDome, The Tie-Dye To Do, Nike Corp vs. Knockoffs, Loggers vs. Farmers, The Burgerville BlackBerry Shake Bowl, Rich Kid Rendezvous, The Toilet Bowl. (Remember 1983? That game has its own Wikipedia page.)
Location, Location, Location — Most national TV viewers have never been here. A good name could tell them what to expect. Samples: The Hwy 99 Bowl, I-5 Itch, The Valley Stomp, Willamette River Rivalry, The Willamette Valley Tacklefest, The Willamette Melee, Willamette River Wingding, Rye Grass Rumble, The Turf War, Blackberry Brouhaha, Crab Cup, The Upper Left Bowl, The Specific Pacific Game, Riparian Rip, Subduction Zone Sweepstakes.
Climate Clarions — We’ve traditionally used our climate to repel visitors. Here are names that Tom McCall would have loved: The Muddle in the Puddle, The Allergy Bowl, Boss of the Moss, Fescue Fracas, The Better Wetter Game, Best of the Wets, Slugfest, The Reign in the Rain, The RainBowl. (Climate activist Shawn Boles suggested the CO2Bowl, acknowledging that football won't be around much longer.)
Messing with Mascots — The most popular category played on our whimsical mascots. Some are disarmingly direct: Interspecies Bowl, Fowl vs. Rodents, Castor vs. Canard, The Anatidae Castor Fray, Duck Duck Goose, Tail Off, Quack & Chew, Quack Chuck Fracas.
Other mascot-inspired names require extra thought: Waddle vs. Whittle, The Slap-Waddle Bowl, The DamWaddle Cup, Battle of the Paddle, The Platypus Cup, Platypus Bowl, Extreme Platypus Action, Who's More Platypussy?, Feathers & Fur, Fur’n'Fowl Growl, A Quack in the Dam.
And the Winners are … — I like Rainbowl best if we can spell it “Rainbow’ll,” painting our November sky with an optimistic future. Turf War fits us, but we’re avoiding militarism. My first choice is Slugfest because outsiders picture a battle, but we hear it as a celebration.
Don Kahle (fridays@dksez.com) writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and archives past columns at www.dksez.com.
This article originally appeared on Register-Guard: Don Kahle: Giving Oregon vs. OSU rivalry a makeover
