Don’t forget the perks of growing older
We folks who are aging often joke about all the downsides of growing older — the doctor appointments, the aches and pains, the forgetfulness, and so on. However, there is another side to aging that it is important to remember — a deliciousness we should be mindful of — and that is in doing things once “forbidden,” not forbidden by law, but by our own perception of “What people will think.”
Many of these constructs stem from childhood experiences, patterns, or admonitions. Only now, as I reach the last decades of my life, am I beginning to see how strong the hold of other people’s opinions can have on a psyche.
As you age, you’ll find that certain memories over a lifetime stand out more than others. And there may be some of which you’re not conscious. Those unconscious memories can be the bases of unwarranted feelings of guilt that assail you when you start deviating from what you’ve always done.
One of the fondest and happiest memories of my youth was a beautiful late spring day when I’m guessing I was about 9 years old or so, and it was probably a Friday afternoon so that the perfidy of my “playing hooky” from an afternoon of school might be forgotten by Monday.
Returning to school from lunch at home, I remember a bright blue sky scuttled with puffy white clouds. I cut across a vacant construction lot that had mounds of earth scattered throughout, and upon which grass had grown. I stopped and felt the warm sun. The area was deserted, quiet, with only faint sounds of traffic in the distance. I stretched out on the warm earth, and felt peace. I stayed all afternoon, revelling in the breeze, the sound of birds, the warmth, and the earthy smell of oncoming summer. It was the only time I ever did that, and one of the best days of my life. I have no memory of retribution, so I must have pulled it off.
Fast forward to aging. Probably most of us spend the bulk of our lives doing what is expected of us. We don’t even think about it; we just do it. We’ve become automated to “duty,” or “what’s expected of us.” When that time comes that we “retire,” we’re not sure what that means, and, in fact it is different for each person. But probably what is similar is the “feeling” that you should be “doing” something, being productive in some way, which is of course fine and commendable, but, it just might be a myth.
What would people think if we stayed up WAY past the bedtimes of others, and slept in the morning WAY past the rising time of others? But, it truly doesn’t matter what other people think about choices that affect only you! What if we decided to eat dessert first, and dinner late at night? What if on a rainy day we sat and read all day, or watched television, or did crossword puzzles? What if we ordered delivery or bought prepared foods, and just didn’t cook for an entire day or two? What if we lolled on our porches, or pulled books off the shelf we didn’t even know we had and read them?
As we age, we might not have the energy or money to do the things we did when younger. But, we can always surprise ourselves and stretch our psyches by doing the unexpected. Maybe that’s taking time out to splurge on a delicious take-out dinner for one, laze outside in nature for the better part of a day, daydream, or take a nap. Maybe it’s buying that luscious-looking chocolate cake we’ve been eyeing on our grocery trips. Let’s do whatever delicious “forbidden” things we want to do while we still can.
As the noted mythologist Joseph Campbell said: “What all the myths have to deal with is transformation of consciousness. You’re thinking in ‘this’ way and you have now to think in ‘that’ way.”
It’s OK. Really! You’re “old enough” now. Give yourself permission. Have fun.
Sandra Matuschka of Tiverton is a freelance writer and columnist. Send feedback and suggestions to smatuschka@cox.net or c/o The Newport Daily News, P.O. Box 420, Newport, RI 02840.
This article originally appeared on Newport Daily News: Don’t forget the perks of growing older: The Open Door
