'Don't know how much time we have': Dying Middletown man's extraordinary final gifts

Colin Casey has reached the final stage of his three-year battle with cancer. The Middletown resident is only 65, but he’s led a full life as a community leader, youth sports coach and avid supporter of many good causes.

There is one last cause on his list — a message he feels compelled to share.

Over the past couple of months, Casey has given wristwatches to friends with a note. It reads, in part: “This timepiece is a simple reminder. Time is one of our most precious, blessed gifts. Let’s make sure we spend our time here doing good for others who need help!”

He’s given out 130 of these.

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“I can’t give you the gift of time, but that timepiece is significant to remind you, we don’t know how much time we have here,” Casey said last week of his motivation. “So while you’re here, do something with your time, pay it forward, make others happy.”

Casey is living that out to the last. Despite being on home hospice, the cancer having spread throughout his organs, wracked him with pain and left him weighing less than 100 pounds, he’s actively raising money for the food pantry of St. Anthony Roman Catholic Church in Red Bank.

“Even now, getting ready for the good Lord to call him home, he still is reaching out to people to get us help — from his sickbed,” said Rev. Al Tamayo, the church’s pastor. “He’s been getting us sponsors and donors, which is really amazing. That’s the way he is. He’s a man who just doesn’t know how to stop giving.”

Even for those who never met him, Colin Casey’s story is worth knowing because of its profound lessons on how to live, how to die and how to make the most of our time on this earth.

'They want my work to live on'

Casey moved to Middletown from New York City as a young adult in 1977. He began coaching right away in the Middletown Youth Athletic Association, mentoring hundreds of kids in baseball, softball, soccer, basketball and hockey through the decades. (One of Casey's charges, Tara Caroselli, went on to play basketball at the United States Naval Academy and now works for the U.S. Senate’s Select Committee on Intelligence.)

Kyle Flaherty, who played baseball for Casey, remembers him as "the only coach who wasn't a parent." He just liked helping kids. Several of those kids, now adults in mid-life, have visited him over the past few months, driving from as far as five hours away.

After settling in town Casey married, helped raise three children and became deeply involved with the Knights of Columbus’ Vince Lombardi Council in Middletown, running the Catholic organization’s annual winter coat drive, among other goodwill initiatives.

“There are so many kids who need love and guidance,” he said. “I’m amazed at the amount of kids out there who needed coats — and single moms who needed them, too.”

He raised scholarship money for students at St. Mary School in Middletown and Brookdale Community College. Even last month, with the cancer progressing, he helped promote an upcoming fundraiser for the Ashley Lauren Foundation, a Brielle-based pediatric cancer nonprofit.

“Here is this man, he’s so sick, laying on a couch and can hardly speak, and he sends out a (mass) text about it,” said Marybeth Walz, a friend and Middletown resident who runs the nonprofit Hope for Children Foundation. “It’s like he’s bringing things all together. He’s trying to finish what he needs to do to help other people.”

In June, Walz and some friends threw a banquet in Casey’s honor. More than 350 people attended.

“Easiest thing I’ve ever done, because everyone wanted to do everything they could for this man who has been so giving his whole life,” Walz said.

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Out of that event sprang the Colin P. Casey Foundation, which aims to support Catholic churches, schools and service organizations. Already, it has raised $75,000 to renovate the gym at St. Mary School. The foundation also has acquired two tickets to February’s Super Bowl, a gift from an NFL employee, which it will auction off.

“They want my work to live on, and I think that’s super,” Casey said.

Catholic education is close to his heart, having instilled the values that drove his generosity — and guide him through this final, difficult chapter.

“From a faith perspective he’s showing us all how to do it, how you go through this with grace and dignity,” St. Mary principal Craig Palmer said. “It’s absolutely amazing. He’s constantly thinking about everyone else but himself, right down to developing the foundation, because he believes in it so much.”

A final, fitting gesture

What started as esophageal cancer “has spread to my lungs, my liver — it’s all over now,” Casey said.

Over the summer he dropped in on Palmer, who was visibly upset at his old friend’s condition.

“I’m at peace,” Casey assured him.

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“There’s an old saying,” Palmer said. “Those who live in the past, live with regret. Those who live in the future, live with anxiety. So live in the present. Colin is making the most of every day.”

Another lesson Casey is leaving: the importance of gratitude.

“I’ve been very lucky in life, very fortunate,” Casey said. “I’ve met a lot of good people and I’m thankful for each and every one of them. I don’t take any of that for granted.”

Hence the watches. One part thank-you, one part directive.

“To me, it’s the most profound gift you can ever receive from someone,” Walz said. “And it’s true: The most valuable thing you have is time. A beautiful statement from an incredible man.”

Harry Flaherty, a former neighbor of Casey's who played football in the NFL and is longtime New Jersey director of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, got a watch. So did his wife Janine and each of their five children.

“That gesture, I’m not surprised by it," Flaherty said. “He’s a very thoughtful, kind guy, and incredibly courageous. He’s in pain, and even though he’s been in pain for a long time, it’s amazing how he’s reached out to everybody.”

One more selfless act in a life of service.

“A lot of people seemed to be moved by it,” Casey said. “Maybe the message is going through.

“I hope so. We need it.”

For information about the Colin P. Casey Foundation, visit www.colinpcasey.org.

Jerry Carino is community columnist for the Asbury Park Press, focusing on the Jersey Shore’s interesting people, inspiring stories and pressing issues. Contact him at jcarino@gannettnj.com.

This article originally appeared on Asbury Park Press: Dying Middletown man values time with final gifts — wristwatches