Dropping a kid at college? Seek out the home-away-from-home mom and bond before you go.
It’s a scene playing out on college campuses across the country right now.
This one started with a fatherly lecture, in a campus coffee shop in Richmond, Virginia.
A dad and his son were placing their orders at Margaret Doyle’s Espresso A-Go-Go during the recent move-in weekend for freshmen at Virginia Commonwealth University. Dad was doing what fathers so often try to do, which is to impart final words of wisdom before abandoning a child at college for the first time. This dad launched into a tutorial on wallet safety.
“Now, make sure you don’t put your wallet in your back pocket,” he said as he slid his wallet into his pants’ side pocket. “Because somebody could pick your pocket. If you put your wallet in your pocket or your backpack, make sure it’s secure.”
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Doyle watched them leave with their coffee and, about 10 feet from the entrance, saw the father’s wallet drop to the ground. He, of course, had no idea. This did not surprise her.
She ran out the door, swept up the wallet and started chasing the father and son. “I ran across campus yelling, ‘Wait! Wait! Wait!’ ” When they didn’t hear her, she waved to another man and enlisted his help. He dashed over to the father, pointed at Doyle, and said, “That lady is running after you.”
Finally, she caught up with him. With deadpan delivery, she held out her hand and said to the father, “I think this is your wallet.”
“Hey, Dad,” the son said triumphantly, “don’t lose your wallet.” All three of them cracked up.
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Margaret lives for these moments. She had shared a little of this story in a thread on my Facebook wall, and I had to know more. I’ve already written about how hard it can be to take your child to college for the first time. This is about what can happen next. And let me just say, every college town needs a Margaret Doyle. She is the home-away-from-home mom, the watchful eye and the reassuring voice for new students and the parents who bring them. She also knows how to find the nearest ATM.
A haven for kids – and their parents
Twenty years ago, she lost her job and decided to pivot to the coffee business. She had her reasons. “I stopped drinking alcohol 26 years ago, and I didn’t want to give up my social life. I wanted to keep the lampshade, but I would go to events, parties and festivals and I couldn’t find anything fun to drink. I don’t drink soda and so I would just walk around with my glamorous bottle of water.”
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She started with a big mobile espresso truck and catering service. Five years ago, she opened the small campus coffee shop in Monroe Park. She is 64, and all her employees are college kids.
“I love them. They can be absolutely confounding, and they’re just fascinating to talk to.” Most are art students. “You can imagine,” she said, laughing. “It’s pink hair and green hair, tattoos, pierced this and pierced that. I gave up on any kind of dress code. Now, it’s just, ‘Please come with clothes on.’ ”
They talked her into opening an Instagram account, @ESPRESSOAGOGO, where she shares dog photos with the hashtag #monroeparkdogs.
She extends coffee shop hours during move-in weekend because her shop has become the go-to place for parents and students in search of answers. “They’re looking for bathrooms, and water, they’re looking for ATMs – they’re looking for everything.”
She relishes the chaos.
“A couple thousand kids are moving in and it’s about 95 degrees, so I just stand here and watch. I know what’s coming. I can’t wait to see the fathers, pouring sweat. The moms are all checkbook and detergent and, ‘We’ve got to make the bed,’ and all dad’s thinking about is, ‘I got the car double-parked and there’s two elevators and a thousand kids.’ Oh, my God.”
When it's go time, let them go
I first met Margaret in early 2016, after she had driven two hours to attend my author interview at Politics and Prose in Washington, D.C. Finally, we could exchange hugs after years of interacting on my Facebook page. (I love when that happens.)
What I didn’t know then was how much she loved the company of young people. She is that seemingly rare bird, a town resident who, rather than resenting the fall invasion of students, does what she can to ease their transition. Most college towns surely have a few people like Margaret. I was lucky to know one during my freshman year on Kent State’s campus. She was a grandmother who worked as a cashier at the campus bookstore, and when she saw how scared I was she all but adopted me.
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Margaret gives students pep talks when they’re down and emboldens them with her faith in them. She has long lost count of the number of students who have ordered coffee and then discovered they had insufficient funds on their debit cards. She always tells them to take the coffee and pay later. They always do, she said.
I asked Margaret what advice she might have for all those worrying parents. She didn’t hesitate.
“This is go time. This is when it all matters. Everything you’ve taught your kids for years? They’re bringing that with them. You’re driving to college and your little girl is in the back seat scrolling through her phone and Instagramming and Snapchatting; you turn around and leave and you’ve left an adult here. You have to trust that what you’ve been teaching your kids is going to work.”
In other words, you’ve done what you could, dear parents. Chances are, your kids are about to show you it was more than enough.
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USA TODAY columnist Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize winner whose novel, “The Daughters of Erietown,” is a New York Times bestseller. You can reach her at CSchultz@usatoday.com or on Twitter: @ConnieSchultz
You can read diverse opinions from our Board of Contributors and other writers on the Opinion front page, on Twitter @usatodayopinion and in our daily Opinion newsletter. To respond to a column, submit a comment to letters@usatoday.com.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Navigating college for students, parents means one thing: trust
