Who’s the dumbest of all crooks? This SC police department has some ideas

A Hartsville would-be bank robber who local police describe as the dumbest of dumb crooks has been sentenced to six years in prison for trying to rob a bank from a taxi.

Hartsville Police regularly feature cases on their Facebook page in which the culprit is not using — shall we say — the best judgment and they deemed Angel Luis Masdeu not only a dumb crook but a dumb crook all-star.

Masdeu, who pleaded guilty to attempted bank robbery earlier this week, asked the taxi driver in February 2021 to send an envelope to the teller through the tube at a South State Bank drive-thru, prosecutors said.

The bank lobby was closed due to COVID.

Inside the envelope was a note threatening to “kill and/or blow up the bank if he wasn’t given “all money from all drawers.”

The teller, although reportedly frightened, simply activated the alarm.

Police came. Masdeu, 59, was hauled out of the back seat of the taxi and arrested.

Another recent dumb crooks story Hartsville Police have told features a previously convicted felon driving a stolen car full of drugs, including oxycodone and methamphetamines. He also had a gun, a no-no for a felon.

“A stolen vehicle is a lot like a box of chocolates: You never know what you’re going to get,” Hartsville Police said on the Facebook page.

On Thursday, the department told the story of a car chase, during which the driver and passenger jumped out and ran into the woods, leaving behind a shotgun, meth, marijuana and three phones.

Before long, someone called one of the phones.

“They gave us the name of one of the men, which proves you can’t trust anyone, even the customers that buy your unlicensed pharmaceuticals,” the police said.

Police also found a backpack in the woods with a phone inside. The owner used the “find my iPhone” app.

“Unfortunately for him, the phone was no longer in the woods, but in our evidence room. He sent us a two word, NSFW text message explaining his displeasure with our having taken his gun and his marijuana,” the police said.

And then there’s the man driving a light blue pickup truck with a piece of cardboard attached to the bumper saying “Farm Use Only.”

“Officers, noting that North Fifth Street at the Sonic is not a farm, followed the vehicle and pulled it over,” police said.

Not only was the truck unregistered, it was also uninsured, and no one in the truck had a valid license from any state. Two of the three occupants had opioid pills and/or heroin, police said.

“The ‘license plate’ was confiscated, and appropriate citations/jail trips/ were completed,” the police said.

One Hartsville Police Facebook page fan, so enamored with its contents, suggests Hartville Police go live on TV.

“This department keeps me laughing and rolling everyday!” he said.