Emotional intelligence and the Psalms of Lament

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that God may hear me. − Psalm 77:1

In June, Peter and I attended his 40th class reunion at Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut. It isalways a privilege to attend these gatherings with Peter; however, this was the first time Ireturned to Yale since becoming Westminster’s 18th senior minister in October 2013. As westrolled through this stunning campus amidst the gothic revival architecture and underneath thetolling bells of the Harkness Carillon, we remembered the Yale Band and our legacy pastor, theRev. Albert Hale, who came to central Illinois almost 200 years ago to spread thegospel and to set the tone for the emancipation of those enslaved.

Yale’s current president, Dr. Peter Salovey, addressed the alumni with an update on theuniversity’s commitment to gender and racial equity. As an early pioneer and leadingresearcher in emotional intelligence, Dr. Salovey proposed that people have wide-rangingaptitudes with regard to emotional control, reasoning and perceptivity. In contrast to earliertheories of intelligence which understood emotion as an adversary to reason, Salovey affirmedthat emotions motivate, enable, and ensure productive outcomes when appropriatelyidentified, understood, and directed.

Earlier column:By the grace of God, may we risk trouble for the good news that is ours to share

We attended a seminar presented by one of Salovey’s proteges, Professor Mark Brackett,who recently authored the book, "Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence toAchieve Well-Being and Success." A colorful and dynamic speaker, Dr. Brackett shared storiesfrom his childhood growing up in a home that did not give him permission to feel. When Dr.Brackett was sexually abused by his neighbor, he was intimidated into secrecy by theperpetrator for several years, suppressing his feelings. His life changed the summer his UncleMarvin visited with a simple question asked by a caring adult: “How are you feeling, Mark?”Mark broke down, shared his story of abuse, and got the help he needed. Dr. Brackett endedhis presentation celebrating the “Uncle Marvins” in each of our lives.

As he concluded, a sermon was forming within me. What better place is there to nurtureemotional intelligence than within a faith community. I am grateful for all the caring adults thechildren of Westminster encounter growing up who give them permission to feel, to askquestions about their faith, and to grow in their understanding of God.

The ancient Hebrews understood God as One who honors our feelings and who believes theexpression of lament leads to healing. It is not a coincidence that half of the Psalter are psalmsof laments. As theologian Walter Brueggemann writes in the foreword of Ann Weems’ book,"Psalms of Lament:" In the Psalter we find a recurring disciplined form to the complaints andlaments. Israel knew how to order its grief, not only to get that grief fully uttered and deliveredbut also to be sure that, said in its fullness untamable, it is not turned loose with destructiveness.What we have in these poems is not raw rage, anger, and sadness; rather what we have hasalready been ordered, mediated, and stylized to make the rage and hurt more effective,available, and usable.

The classic model of Israel’s speech of grief, pain, and rage has six regular elements: (1) Thelament begins with the naming of God in an intimate address. (2) The lament movesimmediately to complaint and often engages in childlike hyperbole. (3) The lament addressesGod with a large, demanding, unapologetic imperative. “Do something!” (4) The complaintoften moves into regressive, disrespectful speech, and (5) very often the speaker wishesvengeance against the enemy who has caused the hurt. Finally, when the need, the hurt, thedemand, and the venom are fully voiced, (6) the mood and tone of the psalm change. Israel’sanger and protest appear to be spent and the speaker is, at the end, confident of being heardand so ends in a new posture of confidence, well-being, and gratitude. To be sure, every psalmof lament is a courageous and daring act of faith, a sign of emotional intelligence, and apermission to feel.

And so, my friends, let us not forget that we have a God who honors our feelings and whojoined us in our humanity to experience the strength of our joys and the depths of our sorrows.Let us hold our feelings in the sacred space of prayer and let us share our laments with closefriends, caring adults and confidants who know and love us.

The Rev. Dr. Blythe Denham Kieffer is pastor and head of staff at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Springfield.

This article originally appeared on State Journal-Register: Emotional intelligence and the Psalms of Lament