EPL TALK: Wobbly goalkeepers may decide title race

BLAME Joe Hart. It was all his fault. For a while, he was the goalkeeping equivalent of the short, back and sides haircut of the 1960s. He was neat and tidy, but changing fashions called for flowing locks and liberated spirits. He was black and white when elite managers were moving into glorious technicolour. He was done. There was no going back.

In other words, if the former Manchester City goalkeeper had showed a little more action with his feet back then, we’d be having a little less conversation now about David “nervous wreck” Raya and André “no-arms” Onana.

Gary Neville came up with the former for Raya and pundit Jamie O’Hara deserves a media prize for coming up with “no-arms” Onana. Both keepers are being called far worse on social media, as expected.

But the on-brand messaging of playing out from the back might be reaching its daft peak as the most devoted zealots – Mikel Arteta, Erik ten Hag and that uncle in the coffee shop who likes to point out that teams now “play out from the back” when he’s not suggesting that “the ball is round” – elevate the theory above practical reality.

In theory, Raya moves the ball quicker into the likes of Martin Odegaard and Gabriel Martinelli, knowing that he has the additional protection of Declan Rice. In reality, he shanked a pass like a toddler let loose with his first golf club in a sand banker against Manchester City. He also took more time deliberating over a routine backpass than a punter hunched over his 4D slip. Julian Alvarez charged him down. The ball rebounded just wide.

Raya got lucky.

In theory, Onana was going to take his distribution efficiency from Inter Milan to Manchester United, where David de Gea’s panic-stricken blunders had cost the Red Devils in Europe last season, along with prominent errors against Brentford. (What is it about United keepers and Brentford?) In reality, Onana’s upper limbs appear to disappear in key moments, rather like Marty McFly’s family members in that vanishing photograph in Back the Future. Erased from existence.

Phone apps now boast the ability to remove unsightly objects from photographs. Onana does likewise with his own body parts. Despite watching Mathias Jensen’s goal from every available angle, it’s still not clear how the speculative strike earned Brentford the lead against United. Onana’s arms were there. They were clearly there. And then they were gone.

After a similar mistake against Bayern Munich, Onana views low shots the way the Glazers view any gathering of United supporters. All things being equal, they’d rather not be around them. Just in case. Peter Schmeichel spoke worryingly of a poor technique, suggesting that Onana is lifting himself, almost over the ball, rather than diving along the ground, towards the ball, making the £47.2 million signing sound like a puppy jumping for a plastic bag on a breezy day.

Shot-stopping reliability shouldn't be ignored

But it doesn’t really matter, because Onana wasn’t signed to make saves. Shot-stopping goalkeepers are yesterday’s news, so David de Gea and Joe Hart. They’re all about the feet now. Onana has blundered against Galatasaray, Bayern Munich and now Brentford and shipped 12 goals in eight English Premier League games, but that’s not important right now. Ten Hag has signed his Ederson. His Alisson. Just like Arteta at Arsenal.

But have they really?

Ederson raised the holy grail to playing out from the back with his astonishing contributions for City against Arsenal, back in February. His pass map resembled an aerial bombardment. His most targeted team-mate was Erling Haaland. He found his striker with five passes. City prevailed 3-1 at the Emirates and overtook the Gunners at the top of the table. There was no turning back. Arteta knew what he needed: his version of Ederson.

Raya may prove to be that man, but the jury still needs to take a moment. To claim that Raya is Arsenal’s Ederson because they both use their feet, is rather like claiming Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is as durable and reliable as a tank, because they both use wheels. There’s still an awful lot of spluttering and unwelcome palpitations whenever Raya swaggers away from his line.

Onana, on the other (invisible) hand, already boasts the track record. He quarter-backed his way to last season’s Champions League final with Inter Milan, keeping eight clean sheets in 13 games to demonstrate his capabilities for the most modern of goalkeeping jobs. He had a head for the giddiest of heights. He had happy feet, too, just like Alisson.

But Alisson has never lost sight of his overriding priority. Last season, statisticians had his number of “saved” goals for Liverpool around double anyone else's. This season, he’s already put his name down for the save of the campaign. Watch his remarkable stop from Miguel Almiron’s volley at Newcastle United in August. His reflexes are almost as impressive as his recovery, somehow leaping back to his feet to scoop away the rebound. Hardly anyone else makes the first save. No one makes the second.

Especially “no-arms” Onana. The United keeper was last seen diving over a routine shot and taking surreal goal kicks, where Jonny Evans played him short passes that allowed him to launch aimless balls to nowhere; a tactical play seemingly borrowed from the notes of a primary school music teacher forced to cover a PE lesson.

Meanwhile, de Gea, who won United players’ player of the season award four times (including last season) uploaded a photo of himself playing Call of Duty. His caption? “Perfect timing”. Excellent trolling indeed.

But impudent posts from a disgruntled, former employee only underscore the erratic elements of United’s recruitment and, more specifically, the stubborn insistence on persevering with a popular industry trend without the appropriate personnel. Both ten Hag and Arteta got away with it at the weekend, but a title challenge seems a lofty one to rest on the wobbly shoulders of Raya. While any half decent shot has a chance of slipping through Onana.

Neil Humphreys is an award-winning football writer and a best-selling author, who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and has written 28 books.

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