Ernie's grammar column: How to energize your sentences

How can you begin to improve upon the rough first draft of a letter or a report that obviously needs additional work?  My August column offered one answer: review and apply four rhetorical forms that you probably first learned about in your high school English class. These forms are the simple, complex, compound, and compound-complex forms for developing sentences.

That August column explained how these forms represented effective ways to reshape or replace deficient sentences: (I can email you a copy if you missed it.)  Today’s column provides another means of improving first drafts: through verbals that consist of gerunds, participles, and infinitives.

In American English Rhetoric, Robert G. Bander tells us that a verbal is “a word that is built from a verb but is not used as a verb.” Instead it is used as another part of speech, e.g., a noun, pronoun, or an adverb. Example: “Seeing (a gerund acting as a noun) is believing.”

So while this column will acquaint you with the “What?” of verbals, i.e., their basic definitions, the major objective is to familiarize you with the “How?” – how verbals can help you resolve problems encountered while writing your first drafts.

GERUNDS

Gerunds act as nouns and always end in “ing.” They can be used as subjects, direct objects, objects of prepositions, and predicate nominatives. For example: “The sport involved riding.” (The gerund ”riding” is the direct object of “sport.”)

Gerunds often look like participles. The main difference: gerunds are always nouns, while participles are always adjectives. The former are often used to introduce the subject of a paragraph or chapter; these statements are typically short and crisp openings meant to attract readers: “I love writing about my ancestors.” (Here, the gerund “writing” serves as a noun.)

To continue to hold the readers’ attention, gerunds can be placed in one-sentence paragraphs. Such sentences are especially effective when located between medium-length or long paragraphs: “Sam is starting to attend swimming class.”

Of course, in both cases, these sentences should contain key thoughts.

PARTICIPLES

Participles act as adjectives and modify a noun or pronoun.  They almost always end in either ”ing” or “ed.”  “Fooled, he swung at the curve ball.”  (The participle “fooled” serves as an adjective modifying “he.”)

While participles can begin or end a sentence, look for justifiable ways to insert them elsewhere to inject variety into your writing style. In any case, try to keep the participle close to the subject it modifies.

“Playing his ukulele, Richard sang a sad song.” (“playing” as an adjective.)

“Mark’s toaster suddenly died, emitting clouds of black smoke.”

INFINITIVES

Infinitives can be used as a noun, adjective, or an adverb. This verbal begins with the word “to.”  “To move in zero gravity is not easy.” (The infinitive “To move” is the subject of “is.”)

“Virginia likes to collect books about roses.”  (“To collect books about roses” is the object of the verb “likes.”)

“Do you have any food to bring to the party?”  (“to bring to the party” is an      adjective modifying “food.”) 

BEFORE AND AFTER   

The following comparisons illustrate the advantages of using verbals to revise:

First-draft sentence: “The runner rounded third base and headed for home plate.” (Routine statement)

Participial phrase: “Rounding  third  base, the runner charged  toward  home plate.” (”Third base” is the object of the participle  “rounding.” The participle “rounding” and the new main verb “charged” make this revision more rhythmic and emphatic.)

First-draft sentence: “Charles decided to take a plane trip to Arizona so that he could visit with his grandmother.” (Rambling, conversational)

Infinitive phrase:  “ Charles flew to Arizona to visit his grandmother “  (“To visit his grandmother” is a succinct adverb phrase modifying “flew.” There’s no need to mention “deciding” since “flying” is the central idea.)

First-draft sentence: “Harry derives considerable pleasure from participating in each of his classes” (Wordy, predictable expression)

Gerund phrase: “Harry enjoys going to class.”  ( In this version, “going” is the direct object.  This restatement omits the pretentious phrase “derives considerable pleasure from.”)

MISLEADING DANGLERS

Writers also can improve their sentences by avoiding “dangling participles.”  They are considered dangling when the participle or participial phrase does not relate to the main clause that it is supposed to modify:

Dangling phrase: “Looking up (dangler) at the sky, the sun went under a cloud.”

(“Looking up. . .the sun”?  No way.)

Corrected: “Looking up at the sky, Walter watched the sun go under a cloud.”

Here are other danglers offered by the aforementioned educator Robert Bander:

“Making funny faces, the circus opened with the clowns.”

“Strung up on the Christmas tree, the orphans were enchanted with the   many colored lights”.

“Impressed with his qualifications, Paul was hired by the printing firm.”

While these obvious examples are easy to detect, less humorous danglers may sneak into your writing if you don’t recognize them as problems. Without that knowledge, the following kinds of everyday danglers are more likely to invade your writing:

“Weeding the garden, the available tools are not up to the job.”

“Reporting dismal monthly sales, his stammering captured our attention.”

“Vacationing in Denver, my foot stumbled over a half-hidden rock.”

Be sure to recognize and correct such danglers to avoid confusing – or amusing? – your readers.

BREAKING THE HABIT

As the numerous examples offered earlier attest, verbals can serve as other parts of speech and thereby provide various time-tested ways to improve sentences.  Here are some ways that you and your readers can benefit from them:

In some cases, verbals represent opportunities to inject more action (e.g., by replacing passive voice verbs with active). In other cases, they supplant unneeded words and phrases that hinder readability.  And, perhaps most important, they provide emphasis where it is needed (e.g., through specific examples and the repetition of main ideas without repeating the same words.)

With the help of verbals, author Bander explains, “a student can break the habit of producing weaker sentence patterns . . . Verbals offer writers the key to mature sentence control.”

Ernie Mazzatenta, a Hendersonville resident, has been providing Times-News readers with a monthly grammar column since the mid-1990’s. He can be reached at joern8@morrisbb.net. 

This article originally appeared on Hendersonville Times-News: How to energize your sentences