If new ESPN Derek Jeter doc stays vanilla don’t count on home run ratings

Good luck.

Those are the first words coming to mind when informed ESPN, with assistance from a variety of creative brainiacs, is producing a multi-part documentary on the buttoned-up Derek Jeter scheduled to premiere in 2022.

No doubt the quick turnaround has plenty to do with the legendary Yankees shortstop, and the current Miami Marlins part owner/CEO, being a man of few words, a man who was never big on delivering revelations.

Nonetheless, ESPN’s missive announcing the doc, known as “The Captain,” promises to, among other come-ons, “reveal the man behind the icon.” Has Jeter, stunningly, altered his say-nothing-meaningful persona?

Does this mean Jeter is suddenly amenable to discussing subjects that he’s previously been reluctant to publicly explore? Like his tenuous relationship with Alex Rodriguez (the ESPN announcement says the doc will explore “rivalries”)? Or the contentiousness that went down during Jeter’s final contract negotiations with Brian Cashman? Or how Jeter survived the media onslaught playing in the largest market, including the times he was involved with “celebrity” girlfriends?

Or will “The Captain” be mostly a sunny celebration of Jeter’s illustrious career, his trip to and through the Yankees dynasty, featuring early video and classic highlights, many of which have already been seen? If there is not a dramatic flow from one episode of the documentary to another it will wind up attracting mostly Jeter fans and Yankee diehards. Viewers with no allegiance, who can drive ratings, will be hard-pressed to tune in if “The Captain” turns vanilla early on.

“The heartbeat of the project is candid access (to Jeter),” ESPN explains. Does this mean he will be “candid” with his thoughts? For if ESPN is just talking about having the ability to follow Jeter around with a camera, well, it was done in 2011 during HBO’s “Jeter 3K” doc, which chronicled him reaching the 3,000-hit milestone. Jeter even agreed to wear a microphone for two games. Viewers also got to see Jeter entertaining friends in his apartment. Not exactly riveting stuff. And that was only a one-episode project.

Jeter had editorial control of “3K” and he probably, at the least, has some sort of “final say” for “The Captain” too. Michael Jordan (what’s good for His Airness should be good for Jeets) had authority over ESPN’s “The Last Dance” documentary. And he used it to settle old scores and re-bury a dead man, former Bulls GM Jerry Krause. Also, Jordan’s first wife Juanita, never appeared or was mentioned during the doc. His long-time former agent, David Falk, barely got a cameo.

In a twisted sense, Jordan’s mean-spirited stylings were a major attraction. The public bought the confrontation aspect. It would be stunning if the life and times of Jeter went down a similar road.

Although, if Jeter doesn’t want someone in the doc, they won’t likely appear. ESPN lists five executive producers, including Spike Lee, working on the Jeter doc. So, Jeter has plenty of “decision makers” to approach, and if need be, blame, if he doesn’t like the way the project is proceeding or if he wants changes made.

So, if you’re looking for any Jeter controversy to suddenly cut through this documentary, “The Captain, sorry — some things just don’t change.

ROAD (BUZZ) KILL

Look for baseball voices to begin trickling back on the road after the All-Star break, according to industry sources.

It’s past the point where only those with educated eyes and ears recognize how shoddy telecasts and radiocasts have become with baseball broadcasters doing road games off monitors. The pitfalls have become obvious, whether it be audio delays, miscalls or voices not being able to see certain areas of the field on their monitors.

Everyone involved has tried doing their best with what they have to work with. That’s understood. Yet surprisingly, we’ve heard a variety of broadcasters, including ones working for YES and SNY, publicly denigrate technicians from “away” RSN’s providing a feed to the local outlets, for missing camera shots, or not having cameras positioned correctly.

Call this mindless big-timing. It is inexcusable.

CRITICISM A NO-NO FOR KAY

Far be it from us to know what’s running through the mind of ESPN-98.7′s Pete Rosenberg.

Still, considering he’s worked alongside Michael Kay for quite a while, he should know Big Head has one of the thinnest skins in the business. Rosenberg had to know he would set Kay off when he criticized Kay’s call (“On a Wednesday night in Texas, Kluber becomes part of forever!”) of Corey Kluber’s no-no against the Rangers.

Give Rosenberg credit. He did not issue a subtle assessment. With Kay working Yankees-Rangers in the afternoon on YES, Rosenberg led Thursday’s “The Michael Kay Show,” with his critique. Rosenberg said Kluber’s no-hitter could not be a “part of forever” because today’s no-no’s are now a dime a dozen. Predictably, when Kay returned to the 98.7 mic, he wigged — big time.

Still, Kay losing it — again — was entertaining. Nonetheless, it’s not a reach to suggest this was all just shtick designed to juice ratings.

Did Rosenberg think Kay, the sensitive one, would not fire back after having his sacred no-hitter call ripped by one of his “trusted” partners?

TOM-POMS

Judging by their propensity for pom-pom waving, it was shocking some local media Hoop Heads actually criticized the recently sainted Tom Thibodeau. In the run-up to Sunday’s Hawks-Knicks Game No. 1, they dropped dime on the coach for apparently deciding to stick with his point guard Elfrid Payton, who many boss scribes have no use for.

Previous to that, Major Tom, in the eyes of these scholars, could do no wrong. Marc Malusis, on WFAN, obviously has his feet glued to the Thibodeau Band Wagon, often referring to “the attractiveness of Tom Thibodeau.” Malusis’ gushing has not stopped his partner, Maggie Gray, from trying to bring some balance to the conversation.

Most of her attempts are scuttled by Malusis yodeling even more Thibodeau platitudes.

AROUND THE DIAL

It was a joyous week with YES airing two simulcasts of ESPN-98.7′s “The Don Show.” And host Don La Greca, on another show, made a solid point very succinctly: “Baseball,” DLG said, “is broken.” ... Nate McMillan might have been fined by the NBA, but he spoke the truth. ... It was a conversation we thought was going nowhere. On ESPN Radio’s “Panel Du Jour” morning show, Jay Williams, Keyshawn Johnson and Alan Hahn debated whether “bust,” as “that player was a bust” is a fair term to use. This sleepy topic incredibly turned into a heated debate with the two former pro players ganging up on the former journalist. It got so crazy even Stephen A. Smith called in to join the fray. He must have needed more air time. ... On WFAN, YES analyst John Flaherty heaped praise on the producer of the postgame show, Mike Medvin, following Kluber’s no-hitter. “The fact he (Medvin) got (David) Cone on the air on a night Cone wasn’t working was good work on his part,” Flaherty told Gray & Malusis. ... As far as Kay’s no-no call goes, well, it was set-up well, short and sweet. YES also built the drama by not going to commercial break in the ninth.

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DUDE OF THE WEEK: JEFF VAN GUNDY

JVG, on the air to talk NBA, was more than eager to dissect the Yermin Mercedes/Tony La Russa fiasco during a Wednesday interview with SXM’s Christopher (Mad Dog) Russo. JVG called unwritten rules of baseball, or any other sport, “stupid” and not a “sportsmanship” issue. JVG: “This illusion of sportsmanship versus true sportsmanship, it pervades all sports. It’s misunderstood.” Doggie disagreed with JVG, but held fire, saving it later for a softer target — his colleague Steve Torre.

DWEEB OF THE WEEK: TONY LA RUSSA

It is understandable why he was ticked over Yermin Mercedes ignoring a 3-0 take sign, but La Russa blundered when he aired out Mercedes publicly. This is no way for the White Sox manager to retain clubhouse allies.

DOUBLE TALK

What Nate McMillan said: “They (the NBA) need this, New York. This is a big market for the league.”

What Nate McMillan meant to say: “We won’t be getting any late-game close calls.”