New etiquette for using the telephone: Don't make calls and don't answer them
I was interested to read a recent essay on phone etiquette, which basically boiled down to two primary rules: 1. Don’t make phone calls. 2. Don’t answer phone calls.
We have, in essence, created a piece of communication technology so sophisticated that it transcends our ability to use it.
“Calling someone without warning can feel stressful to the recipient,” writes Heather Kelly in The Washington Post.
No doubt. Matter of fact, the only thing more stressful than calling without warning is calling with warning. Because it gives you 10 more minutes to fret, “Good heavens, what am I going to say to this yutz?”
Kelly suggests texting first, warning people that you are about to infringe on their precious time. I’m not saying she’s wrong, I’m just wondering where it ends. I can see a time where we send an email advising that we’re about to send an instant message advising that we’re about to send a text advising that we’re about to call — at which point it would have been faster to launch a carrier pigeon.
Treating a phone call like it’s a hurricane warning (I’m about to call, run for your lives!) may be less a commentary on the technology than a commentary on us. It’s hardly the iPhone’s fault that we’re all boorish babblers that no one wants to talk to without having a chance to take a deep breath and gird their auditory loins.
My memory is not great, but I don’t think I’m wrong about this: Fifty years ago, when the phone rang, it was not considered a burden, it was treated with celebratory anticipation. Someone wanted to talk to you! Who could it be?
There was nothing worse than missing a call, so if the phone rang while the recipient was in the yard, they would run at a dead sprint — leaving the hose running, knocking screen doors off their hinges, stepping on the cat — to catch it before it was too late.
This was even before the advent of answering machine days, so if you missed the call you missed the call and the rest of the afternoon was spent wondering who it was and whether they would call back.
This isn’t to say phone etiquette didn’t exist. Once upon a time there were things called “party lines” shared by two or three households. When you picked up the handset to make a call it was common to hear someone was already on the line having a conversation, meaning you would have to wait until the line was free.
Etiquette stated that when you heard people conversing, you quickly hung up and waited a decent amount of time before trying again. If you were the one on the phone and you heard two clicks, it was indicative of your neighbor picking up the phone, hearing the line was in use and hanging up. But if you only heard one click it meant they had picked up — and instead of hanging up were listening in on the conversation.
Needless to say, this was a serious breach of party-line etiquette. We shared a line with a neighbor who lived a half-mile away who didn’t have much else to do, spending her days tossing whiskey bottles from her upstairs window, from which was routinely pointed the barrel of a gun. She was always listening in, and many times I remember mom gently saying, “Ethel dear, we’re trying to talk.”
But I guess today no one wants to talk — with anyone. Ms. Kelly affirms this behavior, writing, “Just because someone is calling you out of the blue does not mean you have to pick up.”
I feel really hip — I’ve been doing this for years.
So to review, do not make calls and do not answer calls.
It’s interesting to me that phone companies used to give you a handset for free. Now that they cost $1,200, we’re not supposed to use them.
More Tim Rowland: In the era of insurrections and laptops, Menendez's alleged bribery is refreshing
Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.
This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Unexpected phone calls leave recipients stressed out
