Exclusive: Tri-City judge’s ex-wife alleges abuse. She kept quiet for decades, documents say

A Pasco woman has accused her former husband — a sitting Superior Court judge — of narcissistic, physical and verbal abuse over the course of their 33-year marriage.

Stephanie Barnard says she kept her “traumatic experiences” private for decades because her husband, Judge Sam Swanberg, convinced her that she was the problem and she actually was mistreating him.

But nine months after the couple’s divorce was finalized, Barnard — who returned to using her maiden name — decided to break her silence and go public with her ex’s alleged actions and behavior once she learned about a harassment claim filed by Swanberg’s recent girlfriend.

Swanberg has been on the Benton-Franklin Superior Court bench for just over four years.

Barnard says almost all of Sila Salas’ petition resonated with her and her personal experience. She describes herself as a domestic violence and narcissistic abuse survivor, and says in hindsight the abuse in her relationship with Swanberg started before they were married.

“I agreed to making the following incidents public in an attempt to support Ms. Salas and other women who are walking (or have walked) a similar path,” Barnard wrote in a 12-page document, which included a three-page declaration. “The courage displayed by Ms. Salas under such a power disparity is inspiring.”

One of Swanberg’s lawyers, Scott Johnson, told the Tri-City Herald on Monday afternoon that its their position the allegations are absolutely not true.

He said not a single police report was filed over more than three decades. He also questioned why Barnard would have six children with Swanberg, support him for every church leadership position he sought, and be the driving force behind his judicial campaign and eventual appointment if she was that scared of him.

‘Emphasis on ... forgiveness’

Barnard says Swanberg had “a rage problem” over the course of their entire relationship.

She attached two pictures that she says show Swanberg dragging her out of a room against her will last February. Swanberg has his hands around the ankles of a woman who is only wearing one shoe.

She also included a photo of what she described as the “last bruise” that she received from her husband, also last February. She claims it happened when he pushed Barnard across a room and she fell down hard, hitting a wall.

Johnson countered that the bruise was never caused by his client, and said they believe the picture is from 2008 when Barnard injured herself.

He also disputes that Swanberg was dragging his wife in the pictures, explaining that Swanberg was trying to collect his personal belongings from the house and Barnard “was out of control” and trying to stop her husband from leaving.

Swanberg claims the fight was precipitated by Barnard dumping some protein powder over her husband’s head. Johnson provided a photograph to the Herald of a powder-covered Swanberg, though it does not have a date stamp, along with Swanberg’s personal texts to John Jensen at the time asking for help.

The couple were in the middle of their divorce at the time.

Barnard claims she was “continuously intimidated, belittled, patronized and gaslighted ... On less regular occasions, I experienced physical violence and forced physical intimacy.”

“If I had to put a number on it, I would say that I was subjected to physical altercations at the hands of Sam over 100 times over the course of our 33-year marriage and well over 100 times that he would get into a rage, yell at me and use physical intimidation — such as getting really close to me or throwing things near or at me,” she wrote.

Barnard said sometimes she would try to fight back, run away or attempt to calm him down. Other times she said she just froze up and stood there because she was too scared.

Barnard, the government and regional affairs director for the Tri-City Regional Chamber of Commerce, explained that the cultural norms of her family and religion “place an enormous emphasis and value on families staying together and forgiveness.”

“So, I thought that if I could just be a better wife, lover, mother, friend, church member, community member, etc. that we could eventually achieve a healthy, thriving relationship,” she continued.

She says when any of their six children would see or hear Swanberg acting up, his reply to them was, “Your mom has lost it.”

She says she is unsure how her kids perceived these events because she was often crying or yelling at Swanberg to stop, and he usually followed it up by telling the kids their mom was irrational and unsafe.

No-contact order

Barnard’s declaration was filed last week in Benton County Superior Court on behalf of Salas, who successfully received a one-year no-contact order against Swanberg.

Salas, 24, and Swanberg, 55, dated for about five months last year. They met while Salas was working in the Franklin County Clerk’s Office.

She said Swanberg refused to accept the fact their relationship had ended in November just before Thanksgiving and was irreparable.

Salas’ anti-harassment petition detailed numerous attempts by Swanberg to talk with her in the month after their breakup, and included copies of multiple text messages between the former couple.

Salas also attached copies of Swanberg’s messages with her own friend, along with texts from Swanberg’s mother and his adult daughter to Salas.

Salas, a single mother, said it left her feeling harassed and distressed, and she sought the order to feel safe and for “self peace.”

In a brief Jan. 5 hearing, Swanberg agreed to have no contact with Salas. The modified order allows him to keep working at the Benton County Justice Center in Kennewick, where Salas now works in the Benton County Office of Public Defense.

The temporary order said Swanberg had to stay 500 feet away from Salas’ home or workplace, which prevented him from presiding on the bench or working on cases in his office at the Justice Center.

But the modified order says Swanberg is restrained from “entering or being within 25 feet” of the Office of Public Defense. If Salas goes to work somewhere outside of the Benton County Justice Center or Franklin County Courthouse within the next year, the restriction returns to 500 feet from her workplace.

On leave from bench

No criminal charges have been filed against Swanberg. He remains on leave from work.

“He is making sure that he is taking care of himself. He’s anxious to get back to work, and hopefully that will happen soon,” said Johnson. “I think he’s used this as a learning experience and, at the end of the day, it’s going to make him a better person and a better judge. But it’s certainly been difficult.”

As an elected official, Swanberg can only be removed from office in a county election. He also can step down voluntarily before his term is up at the end of 2024.

The declaration by Barnard, and a 75-page supplemental document by Salas, both were filed on the same day as the hearing on the permanent order request.

Johnson questioned the relevance of Barnard’s declaration to Salas’ anti-harassment hearing. He also said it was troubling for his client to learn that the declaration was requested by a Northwest Justice Project lawyer who also is friends with Barnard.

Johnson said he and Swanberg wonder what the true motive was in filing that court document, noting that Swanberg already agreed to have the no-contact order entered.

“I don’t think anyone would be surprised that a former spouse from a 33-year long marriage might be upset when she finds that her ex-husband is in a relationship with a younger woman,” Johnson told the Herald.

The attorney added that Swanberg agreed to avoid contact with Salas for one year because he knows he could have handled their breakup better, but he wants to make clear that he did not do what his ex-wife is alleging in her declaration.

At last week’s hearing, Salas renewed her request for Judge Harold D. Clarke III of Spokane County Superior Court to order Swanberg to surrender all firearms and concealed pistol licenses, and be prohibited from possessing them while the no-contact order is in place.

She wrote that Swanberg “presents a serious and imminent threat to public health or safety, or the health or safety of any individual” by possessing a dangerous weapon.

A Glock pistol that Swanberg owns already was turned over to Jensen, who was going to give it to the Benton County Sheriff’s Office.

Jensen — who represented Swanberg until he was personally named in Barnard’s declaration — previously told the Tri-City Herald that it’s not an issue for Swanberg to surrender the pistol because he is “not a real gun enthusiast.”

However, Salas felt it important enough to pursue because she is “extremely concerned for my safety due to the extreme instability” of Swanberg, she wrote in the supplemental document.

Salas pointed not only to one text exchange she had with Swanberg after their breakup were she believed he may have been suicidal, but also to Barnard’s declaration that mentions threats of suicide by Swanberg on numerous occasions, most recently Jan. 3, 2021.

Barnard wrote that the incident one year ago was “extremely frightening” because Swanberg had access to a gun in their house.

She included text messages sent to friends Kami and John Jensen — Swanberg’s attorney — where she asked for help in reaching her husband because he was not answering the phone.

Fearful of retaliation

Barnard also attached a one-page handwritten letter from Swanberg to her last August, in which he apologizes for all of his “abhorrent and untrue hurtful words and actions.”

“You were also right that you were the best thing that ever happened to me and that I would miss and regret it when you were gone,” the letter says. “... I want you to know that I still love you, that you are the love of my life and the greatest thing to ever happen to me, that I take complete responsibility for ruining everything.”

She noted that when Swanberg wrote that letter last summer, four months after their divorce, he claimed to have been in an exclusive and intense relationship with Salas and was telling his girlfriend that she was the true love of his life.

Barnard says she is “terrified at the thought of submitting this declaration,” noting that Swanberg told her during the divorce that he “would tell any lie and deny any claim that I made against him.”

She also says he threatened to take custody of their kids if she tried to expose his behavior.

Barnard claims that when she told Swanberg in late 2020 she was going to hire a lawyer and file for divorce, he replied it would “f--- me up for the rest of my life.” Instead, he drafted divorce papers and gave her three hours to review and sign, she said.

She alleges that she had to agree to joint custody due to numerous threats, and was not given any child support despite the significant disparity in their incomes.

Barnard, who got the family home in the divorce, says she now is renting out a part of it to make ends meet.

Johnson countered that his client did not force Barnard into a divorce agreement, saying the ex-wife consulted with an outside lawyer before the final decree was entered. He added that Barnard got the family home in Pasco — which has hundreds of thousands of dollars in equity — in exchange for no spousal support from Swanberg.

A Superior Court judge in Washington state makes about $200,000 a year.

“With his position of power, influence, legal cunning and significant experience and connections with local law enforcement and courts, I believed him ...,” Barnard said.

“I am scared for my own safety, and am fearful that Sam will retaliate after submitting this declaration, but I cannot stay silent while another woman is in danger.”