Faces of Upstate SC Pride: Back in Greenville, Clay Smith is Delighted Tobehere
Faces of Upstate SC Pride is a series of profiles by The Greenville News sharing the stories of members of the LBGTQ+ community growing, living and thriving in the region.
Clay Smith’s word of the year is "service."
It’s June 9, his 41st birthday. While sitting in the Augusta Twenty coffee shop on the West End, he shares how he’s taking advantage of the number to give back.
“I'm doing a fundraiser on Facebook for the Gay Men's Chorus, the goal is $4,100,” he says. “I'm using my number, I'm using the age.”
Or rather, Clay’s drag persona, Delighted Tobehere, is.
Clay moved back to Greenville in Dec. 2020 to care for his family after a stint in New York City and several years in Charlotte. As the first-ever performing arts major and graduate from Clemson University, Clay loves the stage. He’s performed as Hedwig in Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the Warehouse Theatre and is on the board of the Greenville Gay Men’s Chorus.
Meanwhile, Delighted Tobehere, who you might have seen on America’s Got Talent, has taken a break from touring nationwide to perform her original shows at local venues. “DRAG 101” was a recent hit at Anderson’s Market Theatre. The same goes for “Hello, Daddy!” at the Hendersonville Theatre in North Carolina.
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But she’ll also get wet in a dunk tank for a good cause like she did at this year’s Community Pride Fair hosted by Pride Link.
“I acknowledge that I have a platform, and that I have experience of organization and event planning, DEI work and performance and public speaking, etc., that I want to be of service to my community here in Greenville,” Clay said. “That has included everything from doing fundraisers to being in drag in a dunk tank.”
Clay knows the importance of visibility for the LGBTQ+ community in Greenville.
“We must, as a community, continue to stay visible to remind those that think that it might be easier to not be here that they're wrong, and they are valued and loved,” he said. “Visibility also allows us to show our numbers and that we are not just in major cities. The queer community is everywhere, and we are your coworkers and your family members, and we are members of the taxpaying, employed community and it is not illegal to be us. We are simply living our lives.”
It’s something he didn’t necessarily have in Greenville while growing up queer in a religious household in the 80s and 90s.
“I truly believe that people don't see what they don't want to see or what they don't know how to see,” he said. “I don't believe that I saw any queerness in the city because I was not looking for it, because I was in the leadership of youth ministry at that point. I was one of the student leaders at my church, and you just couldn't. I was just as active suppressing it as I was trying to fight to be myself.”
A quiet kid finds a voice in performing, a passion for drag
Clay was an outgoing child at home but reserved at school and in public. He knew he was "different" early on. It was difficult to grow into himself in a small Southern community where the same group of peers knew you from kindergarten through high school.
“I knew that I was gay from a very young age, and I knew that it had to be a secret,” he said. “I have been called 'gay Clay' ever since first grade when they taught rhyming. They didn't even know what it meant, but they knew it was derogatory.”
But when the J.L. Mann High School grad hit college, everything changed.
“At Clemson, it kind of flipped,” he said. “I came out and I just figured out who I was and found my people, the chosen family, the theater groups that allowed me to be who I was. Then, I became the recluse with my family.”
Clay doesn’t have a doubt about his family’s love for him, though coming out to them was rocky.
“I think that there are four parental responses. One is 'As long as you're happy.' One is ‘Get the hell out of my house.' One is 'Let's go shopping,'” he said. “I think mine was, 'We love you so much that we don't want this life for you,' and a lot of that was faith-based."
Learning to co-exist and progress with his family, he feels, was the most difficult path. Today, Clay’s mother suffers from Alzheimer's. It’s one of the reasons he returned to Greenville. Although his familial relationships still aren’t perfect, they come together in difficult times.
“They are in no way shape or form supportive of the gay lifestyle or that I do drag,” he said. “But I have not questioned their love for me. When difficult times come, we are there for each other, and I'm grateful for them. So, I think it’s complex where we're at right now.”
Back at Clemson in 2000, Clay started school in pre-dentistry. That changed at orientation. He switched to marketing but fell in love with performing after singing at Carnegie Hall with the campus elite chorus and taking part in school musicals.
He switched it up again and became the university’s first performing arts major. Shortly after, he discovered drag.
“It was at a drag show at Backstreet Atlanta, which is a legendary nightclub that has been around forever,” Clay said about his first time seeing a drag performance.
Clay wasn’t even 21 yet, but he and a friend snuck their way into what was then a 24/7 nightclub. The show starred The Armorettes, a prolific group of drag queens that have performed since 1979. Over 43 years, the camp has raised over $2.3 million to fight the battle against HIV/AIDs.
“As a performer, I recognized that ‘hey, that looks like fun.’ If I can perform and make people laugh and raise money for a good cause, that sounds like a worthwhile endeavor,” Clay said. “It wasn't very long after that that I did my very first talent show.”
Clay first performed in drag in Feb. 2001. For several years after, he was a success and toured across the country under a drag name that was not safe for work. But when life drastically changed in 2014, a new Clay emerged, as did a new queen.
The birth of Delighted Tobehere and a journey in sobriety
“May 10, 2014, was when I got sober. I got a DUI, and I got sober that night,” Clay said. “That was the moment of fear, that I have got to save my life and everybody else's that's around me.”
A theme of visibility in Clay’s life continues through his openness about his sobriety. At the time of his DUI, he had a boss who was equally transparent about being sober, so he knew who to call for guidance. He remains inspired to continue that transparency for others.
“During that time, I was getting more and more clearheaded, and I was recognizing all the things that were not serving me anymore and to my benefit. I recognized that a lot of changes needed to take place,” Clay said.
One of those things was his drag persona.
“I recognized that I needed to change my name because I did have goals of doing lectures at universities and giving TED talks and getting on TV somehow,” he said.
That couldn’t happen performing under an innuendo.
In search of a new drag name, Clay and a friend scoured a thesaurus for synonyms for happy. That’s how he wanted people to feel at his shows. He paused when he got to delighted.
“I said, ‘Wouldn't it be funny if my name was Delighted Tobehere?’ He didn't scoff at me, but he said, ‘Well, how would you introduce yourself?’ and I said, ‘Hello, I'm delighted to be here,’” Clay said. “We laughed, but then he said ‘Now, wait, how would other people introduce you?’ I said, ‘She's beautiful, she's talented, she's delighted to be here.’ And that was it, that was the end of the question.”
A full rollout to remarket Clay’s drag career under Delighted Tobehere ensued. It wasn’t an easy feat after performing as another queen for 14 years. Still, becoming Delighted meant much more to Clay’s life than just introducing a new drag queen.
“It has turned into a mantra for me, a reminder to live in the moment, live a better life, love yourself and love each other,” Clay said. “It's become something that is a checkpoint. ‘Am I delighted to be here?’ And if I am not, then I start working towards changing that. That applies to relationships, that applies to work, that applies to health and wellness. It has turned into something that has a life of its own.”
Shortly after Delighted was born, Clay moved to New York City. At the stroke of midnight on May 10, 2015, Delighted Tobehere was crowned New York’s Best in Drag, the same day Clay celebrated a year of sobriety.
“Sobriety is the best thing that's ever happened for my life,” he said.
Delighted to be in Greenville after 14 years
After moving back to Greenville, Clay faced some ghosts returning to the city where he once believed he couldn’t be himself.
“I look at the queer youth coming out today, and it scares me half to death,” he said. “Because I am projecting myself into their shoes, not observing the progress and the comfortability of them recognizing who they are when I knew, I just wasn't vocal about it.”
But Greenville’s progress and seeing the local queer community simply existing, he said, is huge. So is the perseverance of local drag queens, whom he refers to as entrepreneurs.
“They are not letting the non-existent drag club in the area stop them from finding opportunities to perform their art,” he said. “It's the weed that grows in through the concrete. You can try to bury us by not having a venue, but the flower is going to bloom.”
Over the past year, eight states have introduced legislation to ban drag performances in public spaces. Tennessee even passed such a bill, but a federal judge recently determined the legislation was unconstitutional.
However, the attitudes surrounding drag bans still bring harmful implications for local drag queens and for Delighted.
“I don't know what my future holds. I have been a drag queen for 22 years. My resume isn't exactly set up for me to become an accountant,” Clay said. “If drag bans continue to pass, whatever I pivot to would require some manager or some business to see my skill set instead of my resume."
Delighted Tobehere recently faced some noise and adversity from community members when she was set to perform "DRAG 101" at Market Theatre in Anderson in May. However, her supporters were louder.
“A sponsor came in and said I'm buying out the rest of the tickets so that they can be provided as a gift, as a service to the community to those who need to see this show,” Clay said. “That is an incredible show of allyship because that is recognizing that being an ally is not just a title, it's a verb.”
The show was at capacity both nights.
“A lot of what I am doing in this time is encouraging and inspiring our allies to come out of the closet,” Clay said. “It's one thing to attend a drag brunch with your gay friends. It's one thing to even make a donation to a trans charity, but when you are at the Thanksgiving table and your cousin starts spouting hate, are you going to say something then? If you are a business and you have the power of standing up and saying, I support this cause, at the risk of your income, are you going to stand up then?”
Queer communities are still in the minority, Clay said, so allies are needed to collaborate and progress toward LGBTQ+ rights.
On June 15, Delighted Tobehere announced the fundraising goal of $4,100 for the Greenville Gay Men’s Chorus was met. Another milestone was made in Clay Smith’s mission of service.
Kathryn Casteel is an investigative reporter with The Greenville News and can be reached at KCasteel@gannett.com or on Twitter @kathryncasteel.
This article originally appeared on Greenville News: Faces of Upstate SC Pride: Clay Smith is Delighted Tobehere
