Family, friends of Monroe eighth grader who died by suicide seek bullying changes

Ronald Ross stood in the cold April rain outside the doors of Monroe Middle School demanding to be seen and demanding to be heard.

Most of all, he demanded change.

Surrounded by family and friends, Ross came face to face with Andrew Shaw, superintendent of Monroe Public Schools, to express his anger and frustration at a system he said had a direct hand in the death of his young son.

Gary, an eighth grade student at Monroe Middle School, died by suicide April 19. Gary's family said the bullying that he experienced in school led to his death.

"Schools are not doing anything," Ross said. "They say zero tolerance, but it's not. It's not zero tolerance. They're not doing what they could be doing to stop the bullying."

Ross implored the district to make changes while speaking solemnly about his son's harrowing experiences both at school and at home through social media. Other students, friends of Gary, also spoke about Gary's more harrowing moments that would go unseen by those in charge.

Worse, they said, was when the administration would ignore their pleas for help.

"They didn't do nothing to protect my son. They don't do anything to protect any other kids," Ross said. "There are plenty of people, other parents, who were telling me about their kids being bullied and nothing was is being done. … They're just out here telling people what they want to hear. That's all they're doing."

Ross and his wife, Audra Justice, Gary's stepmother, left the rally early to prepare for Gary's viewing later that afternoon at Merkle Funeral Home. They thanked the community for their support.

"The community has been great, and my church has been great," Ross said. "I love the support and everybody getting his name out there and getting the bullying out there. They have to stop the bullying. It has to stop."

"I think it's bringing attention," Justice added. "And it's going to wake somebody up. Because we're not going to let it die. We're going to continue to rally. He (Ross) is going to continue to rally, and he wants to get into these schools and be able to talk to these kids about bullying. It's out of control."

The rally continued long after the family's departure. In a sometimes heated exchange, the pain and anger was palpable even from those who only knew Gary in passing. The problems Gary faced in the school were not isolated incidents, said many of the protesters.

Gary's cousin, Melissa Stalnaker, helped guide and mediate the more than one-hour discussion with Shaw. At times, Stalnaker stepped in to help to lower the tension while also pressing the administration for answers.

Briefly early in the rally, students from inside the building hurled taunts at the crowd from upper floor windows of the school which further inflamed many of the protestors.

"These parents are hurt," Stalnaker said. "I've heard a lot of stories out here today and many of the questions weren't really answered. They were kind of brushed away like these kids are feeling. And I know that change isn't going to happen overnight and he can't give all the answers right now, but come next week, I really hope we have those answers that we're looking for. I really hope the parents feel satisfied with the answers and I hope they see a change."

Stalnaker said her cousin faced almost daily threats of beatings at school and was constantly made fun of for everything from his haircut to the fact that his mother died when he was younger. The torment continued away from school with threatening text messages and disparaging videos posted to social media.

The family has retained a lawyer and is considering legal action against both Gary's bullies and the school. Police continue to investigate the situation.

"We never saw this coming from him," Stalnaker said. "He was such a bright kid. He had so much going for him. He talked about his future, he went to church three times a week. He had people to talk to and to still feel so alone, they had to do something and say something to make him feel that way."

For Shaw, it was his second visit to the middle school in the past three days.

He also was on hand for a student-led anti-bullying demonstration through the school's foyer on Wednesday in honor of Gary. In a public statement the next day, Shaw said that he "wanted to honor their voices" and took the time to listen to "their stories, concerns, questions, and student-generate ideas on bullying prevention."

With their encouragement, Shaw was back for the same purpose on Friday.

"We have a lot of questions we need to ask inside our buildings," Shaw said. "... Our kids believe it's not being addressed. So we need our kids' help to understand how they want to be able to communicate with us when a bullying situation has happened so that we can step in to assist them. Mechanisms that we already had in place, in the eyes of our kids, don't work. So we have to listen to what would work and be productive."

It was helpful and insightful listening to the stories that were presented Friday, Shaw said. While the administration was aware that bullying happens, Shaw said that they were not always aware of its degree.

"To think it was as big as what was shared with today, no we didn't believe it was that big," Shaw said.

Shaw promised that changes would be coming as early as next week although he was unable to go into specifics of what those changes might entail. While that angered many of the parents, Shaw urged that this would be a process of collaboration and caution. The administration is still working on collecting information from students and staff about the correct response.

"Beginning next week, we'll be meeting with our kids and staff to really figure out what those next steps might be," Shaw said. "They wanted me to speak to it today, but I couldn't because we really need to be poignant on what we do and focused. We don't want to just hurry out, make a statement."

The first step was just being available to listen, Shaw said.

"We need to just listen," he said. "There's a lot of anger right now and sadness, and I understand that. So we need to listen to their voices and acknowledge. And that's what I really wanted everyone to understand is that we are listening and we'll come back, put together good plans, and put forth everything we can. It comes down to the student response to it and parents coming alongside of us."

Stalnaker promised that demonstrations in front of the school would continue until changes were made.

Her finals words to Shaw brought the rally to a close:

"Come next week, we want to see change happen," she told him. "We know it doesn't happen overnight, but if it doesn't happen, we're going to stand out here, obviously rain or shine, and do this again, OK? Thank you for doing your best to answer our questions … and I hope you take it very seriously like all of us are.

"Thank you all for coming out and standing up for Gary. A life that will never be forgotten because I will never let it be forgotten."

This article originally appeared on The Monroe News: Family, friends of Monroe eighth grader who died by suicide seek bullying changes