Get there fast then take it slow — three honeymoon spots close to home

The planning, the dressing, the dancing, the photos, the unwanted opinions of your great aunt — weddings are exhausting.

There’s no getting around It. But your honeymoon shouldn’t have to be.

While plenty of ambitious lovebirds still choose to nest overseas the very next day after their nuptials, by the time they arrive at their over-water villa or their thatch-roofed bure, any idea of post “I do” woo is frankly poo-poo.

So why heap on the stress with a long haul of a honeymoon?

Why poison your sauciest sojourn with the jet lag jitters?

Take our advice: bail on Bali and shun Sumatra, because there are plenty of amorous honeymoon hubs all within a three-hour flight of NYC for lovers who like things quick and dirty.

Here are a few that make us go “hubba-hubba.”

BERMUDA
Warmed by the Gulf Stream, Bermuda is a subtropical isle that’s as iconic as it is oft forgotten.

But triangulate this: In just 2 hours and 15 minutes of taking off from JFK, you can be on the ground in this British overseas territory in the sunny North Atlantic Ocean.

That’s a full hour faster than a flight to the Bahamas.

Loaded with character-driven hotels that are dripping with English auld lang syne, there’s a roost for every income bracket.

Most will think of the Hamilton Princess Hotel & Beach Club first and foremost.

Known as the “pink palace,” its 386 rooms date back to 1885 with a nom that pays respect to a visit from Princess Louise, Duchess of Argyll.

If you want white-jacketed bellmen to fetch your bags, if you want to frolic on a privately-owned cove and meet another smart couple for tennis, then be their guest.

But there’s plenty more where that came from.

There is the chic and boutique The Loren at Pink Beach (it has a private six-bedroom, 10,000-square-foot waterfront mansion for rent), and the dreamy Rosewood Bermuda set on 250 acres (a note to brides: if your hubby golfs, maybe skip this one. They’ve got an irresistible 18-holer).

On the northeastern tip of the J-shaped isle, you’ll find the pricey St. Regis (warning: more glamorous golfing here; from $1470 per night in July) and the more gentle on-the-wallet St. George Club Hotel, with 48 cute cottages set on Rose Hill in the UNESCO World Heritage site.

Rooms here start at $475 a night for weekends in July.

Then, for something fresh, there’s Cambridge Beaches.

Originally opened in 1923, this 86-room, cottage-style resort was completely reimagined last summer.

Not only did the reno jazz the rooms, but it also introduced three new dining experiences, including an outpost of Brooklyn tiki bar Sunken Harbor Club.

With four private beaches, two private coves, an infinity-edged swimming pool, and a full-service spa that offers treatments in a candlelit suite, it’s a haute house for hot and heavy couples — the hotel also tells The Post that honeymooners can expect special surprises and delights throughout their stay.

Rooms start at $495 a night.

SAVANNAH
Southern Gothic never looked so sexy.

In just 2 hours and 20 minutes, you can 86 the Big Apple to wilt languorously under the Spanish moss in the live oak trees of this midnight garden city.

Savannah — the city so pretty Sherman couldn’t burn it — is in the midst of a new golden age. Its iconic architecture is in demand, its upscale bars scene is bubbling over and its restauranteurs are taking refined Southern cuisine back to its roots.

Its hotel scene has become just as vibrant.

Historic bed and breakfasts (like the Hamilton-Turner Inn, the Inn On West Liberty, and Kehoe House) are always ideal for caressing cooers.

But for those who want a contemporary experience head to the Drayton Hotel (from $250 per night).

Steps from the river, scenic Johnson Square, and the legendary Olde Pink House restaurant, it joined Hilton’s Curio Collection this summer after opening in 2019.

It fills a 19th-century facade with 50 rooms and suites and three standout spots for wining, dining, and pining.

Start at the Pendant Terrace, a rooftop bar with sultry views of City Hall, the Savannah River, and the city’s historic district.

Once lubricated, proceed to St. Neo’s Brasserie for classic French fare with Lowcountry flair.

End your evening in the Vinyl Room, an intimate cocktail lounge.

For something even fresh, march straight down Drayton Street until you hit Forsyth Park and check into the newly opened (as in this month) Hotel Bardo.

Unlike any other hotel in the city—much less the Victorian District — Bardo is an urban resort that sprawls over 2 acres.

Part hotel, part private social club, it has 129 guest rooms and 20 suites.

But when we said resort, we meant it.

There is an 82-foot pool here with a buzzy bar, a coastal Italian restaurant Saint Bibiana, and a holistic wellness and fitness center dubbed Saltgrass.

But never fear — this isn’t some neutered hunk of new construction bent on sucking the romance for the city.

Instead, the hotel fills the former “Mansion on Forsyth Park,” a red-brick Victorian-Romanesque beauty. Rooms start at $700 per night.

MONTREAL
Where better to French kiss than in a Frenchie part of Canada?

Just an hour and a half flight from NYC and a world apart, Montreal is the perfect getaway for cultured couples whose idea of a good time is making the scene.

There are a lot of scenes to take in here.

Not only is Montreal the home of Cirque du Soleil (no, really — it’s not Vegas: “Kurios: Cabinet of Curiosities” is playing through the summer), but the city is dripping with beckoning bars and flirtatious eateries.

Normally, we’d recommend against consuming anything with gravy on your honeymoon, but we suppose you can have poutine, too.

The hotels here are excellent.

There’s the lovely Auberge du Vieux-Port (the only hotel on the St. Lawrence River).

There are big names like W, Four Seasons, Fairmont, Sofitel, and Ritz Carlton.

There are buzzy boutiques like the 30-room Hotel Gault in Old Montreal and the all-suite Le Saint-Sulpice.

But for ultimate efficiency, we recommend the Honeyrose Hotel, which opened last year in the heart of Montréal’s entertainment district, the Quartier des Spectacles.

It’s the perfect perch for couples who want to soak up the nightlife and more than a soupçon of culture.

The Place des Arts, Musée d’art contemporain, and the Place des Festivals (where public art installations and year-round outdoor events go on) are just around the corner.

This year also marks the 25th anniversary of the Montréal en Lumière — one of the largest winter frolics in the world.

Honeyrose’s architecture nods towards Art Deco and leans vintage inside with velvet, gold, and wood accents.

It has a general 1920s glam theme going throughout the public spaces and its 143 rooms and 16 spacious suites.

Rooms here start at an ultra-reasonable $175 for a weekend in March.

But why not score a suite for roughly $250 a night?

Of course, there is an excellent French Bistro here, but for ultimate ease, celebrate your love at the Muze Lounge and Terrasse, with California cuisine, DJ sets, and cocktails.

What better place to get tongue-tied than in the heart of Quebecois country?