On this Father’s Day, I’m imagining what my dad would think about America today | Opinion
My dad died in 2011, and I will be thinking about him a lot on Father’s Day.
John Ohman would be 92 and change now, and “consider the alternative,” he would often say, in the way dads often say the same things until they are burned into their children’s memories.
A lot of the time, I think about how my dad - a research scientist and Korean War U.S. Army Bronze Star winner - would view the world today. Much has changed in the 12 years since he died. I’ve often imagined interviewing him, which I will do now for fun.
Opinion
ME: Dad, how you doing?
DAD: Considering the alternative, not bad. The fishing is good here. My black lab is nuts.
ME: Great! So, Dad, what do you think about the whole Trump thing?
DAD: I don’t know what the hell people are thinking, electing this clown. I voted for Eisenhower, Nixon, and Reagan, and I had damn good reasons. Back when I was a young guy, Republicans stood for law and order, Main Street values, and common sense. This guy doesn’t have enough sense to pound sand in a rat hole.
ME: Nor probably does he know how to put a wood screw into a bar of soap to make the screw go in easier (try it—it works).
DAD: This SOB has no respect for the Constitution, and his daddy gave him everything so he gets to be slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
ME: I remember when you switched parties (kind of) and you went down to the U. S Forest Service office you ran, took the photo of Nixon down the night he resigned--after a few ‘martoonies’--and you hid it under the bed for five years. Epic.
DAD: My greatest moment.
ME: No doubt.
DAD: I’ll tell you something, I didn’t camp out in Korea for seven months to see this pantywaist Trump ruin the country. Didn’t see him going to Vietnam, either. Bone spurs. I didn’t want to go to Korea, either, but I went. It’s what we did.
ME: I remember you yelling at me about registering for the draft in 1980, and I did.
DAD: And I also talked you out of joining the Navy.
ME: I would have looked great in that uniform.
DAD: Yeah, chipping paint off a cargo ship in Subic Bay.
ME: Sigh, OK. You used to be a radio operator and instructor in the Army. You could still do Morse Code listening to shortwave broadcasts. What do you make of the new technology?
DAD: I miss my Harmon Kardon 8 Track.
ME: As do I.
DAD: Artificial intelligence? More like laziness. People should work. It’s good for them. I drove a lumber truck and installed lower units on Johnson outboard motors to get through college. Once you get above vacuum tube technology, you’re in trouble.
ME: Agreed. I remember trying to teach you how to use the Mac and it was baffling to you.
DAD: Don’t get me started on remotes. The damn buttons are too small.
ME: Yeah, and now the cats can change it so I can’t even figure out what they did. What do you think about the news business?
DAD: We used to get the Daily Mining Journal in Marquette, Michigan, and it was perfectly fine. We had Walter Cronkite, John Chancellor, Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, and Peter Jennings. It worked. You got the news. Period. Just the facts, as Joe Friday used to day. I miss Dragnet, too.
ME: Ugh. I liked Adam-12, myself.
DAD: You’re dating yourself, Birdie.
ME: I’m dated.
DAD: What are the kids up to? How’s the Volvo running?
ME: Kids are good. They’re quite pessimistic about the future.
DAD: I always tried to buck you up about things. I went through the Great Depression, World War II, Korea, the Cold War, The Kennedy assassination, Vietnam, and that was all before I was old enough to be president.
ME: Yeah, the oldest kid is that age.
DAD: This is the strongest economy on earth, and we’re Americans. We get thing done.
ME: Too bad you can’t run for president.
DAD: Biden is barely younger than I am, so you kind of have me as president.
ME: Good to know.
DAD; Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
ME: Happy Father’s Day, Dad.
