What is a father's journey in Rochester? A barbershop discusses.
Welcome to Creative Cuts, a barbershop on the edge of Rochester and Irondequoit.
Creative Cuts is not only where I get my haircut; it's where I get the city's pulse. There are many times when I need a source for a story or background information on breaking news, and I end up finding what I need at the barbershop.
The constant hum of the clippers blends harmoniously with new hip-hop sounds, resonating throughout the shop every day. Amidst the lively atmosphere, laughter reigns supreme. It's a unique space where African-American men experience a profound sense of being heard, connected and comfortable enough to express their thoughts openly and honestly.
That gave me an idea: What if I could invite readers inside the barbershop to be a fly on the wall?
Vinnie Bartlett is a barber and the owner of Creative Cuts. Steven Sanchez is my barber and a local musician. Bartlett and Sanchez invited fellow barbershop owner Jamil Gaines, filmmaker Kyran Ashford and youth advocate Bilel Smith to Creative Cuts for a conversation about fatherhood.
Why fatherhood? When interviewing sources about the state of youth in Rochester, the common question is, "Where are the parents?"
'Shop Talk: Fatherhood and navigating kids' mistakes
Good parenting starts with love, time and connection.
Bilel Smith got asked why he was carrying his son when he was old enough to start pre-K. "One of two things is going to happen," he said. "He's going to get to a size that I can't carry him any more. Or, he's going to get to an age where he doesn't want me to carry him any more. ... Until one of those come, I am going to carry him, because I can never get these days back."
'Shop Talk: Fathers and football
Jamil Gaines said it was his son's choice whether he coached or not. "Because you're going to have to deal with me on the field, and you're going to have to deal with me off the field. ... He's got to hear my mouth, he's got to hear my instructions."
Gaines: When you're dad, you're dad, and when you're the coach, you're still a little bit "Dad" still.
Kyran Ashford: "He is still emotionally tied to the coaching you were doing, even when you get home."
Gaines: I have to try myself to let the game's emotions go and be a dad.
'Shop Talk: Exploring the essence of parenting
Vinnie Bartlett said he knew if he ever had a kid, he was going to be actively apart of the child's life.
So, in the beginning, he over-parented. "I am missing nothing," he said. "If you have a cough, we're going to the doctor."
It was hard to balance, because he was trying to give his son things he never had growing up. But Bartlett learned that he had to take steps back as his son got older.
Steven Sanchez found it challenging when he was 18 and trying to raise his first child.
"I looked at my life and thought, what made me that way?" Sanchez said. "I then had to change those things about myself so I could be a better dad."
'Shop Talk: Being a parent
Bilel Smith: My dad used to say this to me when I was a kid, the two greatest days in a man's life are the day are he is born and the day he figures out why.
Kyran Ashford: For all of us, we got asked what we were going to do with our life? And I do it, too, to him. But my son is 14. Why am I being so determined that he lock in on this now?
Hear the full conversation with Rob Bell
Have ideas for stories about parenting? Contact me. We'll do another installment soon of 'Shop Talk.
— Robert Bell is a multimedia journalist and reporter at The Democrat & Chronicle. He was born in Rochester, grew up in Philadelphia and studied film in Los Angeles. Follow him at @byrobbell on X and @byrobbell on IG. Contact him at rlbell@gannett.com.
This article originally appeared on Rochester Democrat and Chronicle: Rochester NY barbershop digs into Black fatherhood issue. What we heard
