Festivus Airing of Grievances: Our readers’ top complaints of 2022

Why are the Tampa Bay Times and others around the world still celebrating Festivus, a fictional holiday from a beloved ’90s “Seinfeld” episode? Because the Festivus tradition of the Airing of Grievances lets us learn what’s on people’s minds, provides a cathartic way to put the year’s annoyances behind you and because we think it’s funny. Sony even recently launched a petition to make Festivus a National Holiday.

For the seventh year, we collected hundreds of grievances from around the world. We got multiple gripes about investors buying up Tampa Bay homes, a half-dozen “the rent is too damn high” submissions and lots of annoyance over pickup trucks (too big, blinding headlights, too aggressively driven). We heard from multiple people upset about the large gaps left between cars at stoplights, shopping cart etiquette and — a true curveball — Florida being too warm in the winter.

Here’s a selection of our favorites.

Family

Gender roles during the holidays. Why am I expected to handle all of the family gift planning? Because I married someone? ... Don’t get me started on the holiday meal prep, cookie baking, house decorating (unless it is outside house lights — see gender roles). Best of all, it is likely my beloved spouse is shopping for my gifts at Walgreens. — Tammie Hogan, St. Petersburg

Who eats a snack, then just walks away, leaving the wrappers on the couch, at the table, in the car, on the floor, etc.? Who? — Mom in need of a nap, St. Petersburg

Jackson, you’re too demanding. I scour the internet night and day — these dad jokes aren’t even mine. I can’t keep this up any longer. I’m just so tired. Not your clown, Dad. — Jeff Beckley, Largo

My wife left me and literally took the carpets and the ornaments off my tree. — Mifren Jezvahted, Rough and Ready, California

I must buy gifts for my nine nieces and nephews and I get zero, zip, nada in return. I never wanted children, but being an uncle is expensive this time of year. — Andy Gonzales, San Diego

Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner... at 1 p.m.?! If we eat later than 2 p.m., it’ll be a Festivus miracle. — Alex Cobb, Clearwater

Family members who think every weather event is a sign I should move back to Pennsylvania. “I saw there was a tornado there, seems dangerous!” — Ellen Clarke, Tampa Bay Times editor

Entertainment and media

Why must British television shows get remade for U.S. audiences? We speak a very similar language. — Mark Burke, Sheffield, U.K.

The only reason most people know what is being said on Twitter is because the news is reprinting it tweet-by-tweet as if it is a valuable source of commentary or true measure of public sentiment. — Matt Raab, Odessa

There are too many streaming services. — Stefan Balliarno, Brisbane, Australia

Why is that AMC Nicole Kidman commercial playing in theaters right before a movie? We’re already here! You don’t need to tell us the benefit of the movies! — Warren Kell, Bannockburn, Illinois

The Florida Man trope is still around despite its offensiveness. Making fun of the mentally ill and addicted? Nowhere else are those social conditions “funny.” — Marie Eide, Palm Harbor

Timothée Chalamet. I just don’t like him. — Lauren Peace, Tampa Bay Times reporter

Development

St. Pete is opening restaurants and giant apartment complexes but adding no parking spaces. — Rob Palmer, St. Petersburg

All the new development on Water Street feels like it was built to impress the wealthy and look cool in Instagram posts. None of it feels welcoming. — Charlie Shupp, Largo

All the investment companies buying up houses, pricing us long-term residents out of our own city. — Rebeca Pupo, St. Petersburg

Business

“Please listen, as our menu options have changed. Press 1 for … , press 2 for … .” When will all these dang menu options stop changing?! — Bill Thompson, St. Pete Beach

The Mote Marine Lab turned off their live stream camera in the manatee tank. If we can’t look at manatees whenever we want, what is the point of the internet? — “No. 1 Fan-atee,” Sarasota

“Tell us how we did.” It is very tiring to tell everyone how they did! If you enjoyed a trip to Publix, or an air conditioning service, or even an X-ray, they all want to know how it went. — Valerie Liedtke, Oldsmar

The amount of times I’ve been told lately that I can’t order anything at a fast food restaurant drive-thru because “our system is down.” The system is: I need a Crunchwrap Supreme! — Jeffrey Ladd, St. Petersburg

5 Below is no longer below $5. Dollar Tree now charges more than a dollar. And there’s no more Dollar Menu! — Vicky Razzaboni, St. Petersburg

Have you noticed the macaroni in Hamburger Helper is shorter? — Loren S. Combs, Brooksville

Why, in the name of all that is sacred, do we have so many signs for car washes under construction, none of which are actually being built? — Donald Speirs, St. Petersburg

That stupid BK song from the commercial. Oh, I want it my way alright; I WANT IT TO END! — James Brockenbrough, Lynchburg, Virginia

Stop with TV commercials using snippets from rock songs that make zero sense for either the product or the ad’s context. — Jen Tracy, Clearwater

Why does my brand new dishwasher hold 72 extra large dinner plates, but only four soup bowls? — Adam Hall, Gainesville

Making me “create an account” and come up with a complicated password every time I turn around. Booking a haircut or joining a restaurant waitlist shouldn’t need CIA verification techniques. — J-Rod, Central Florida

The number of fake restaurants on Uber Eats and Door Dash. For example, one food truck in Tampa is running 10 “restaurants” on both platforms. Everything from bao buns to wings and burgers. Same address for all 10 places. — Shane Mayforth, Tampa

We can send rockets to the moon, we can develop vaccines in record time, but we can’t seem to disabuse marzipan of its delusions of grandeur. — Glenn Mabbutt, Winnipeg, Canada

How thin can they make water bottles? Used to be you could firmly grip a bottle of water to enjoy a nice big swig of tap water labeled as the finest fresh spring water found in the most exotic sounding locations on Earth. Now, those same bottles are so thin they collapse as you open them and the water comes out geyser-like, bathing you in fresh spring tap water. — Donald Smith, Pinellas County

Parents

Please do not feed your school-aged children Takis, Flaming Hot Cheetos or any other hot chips as their source of food for the school day. Send them with actual food. If you want to put up with their farts, obscene language and horrible behavior after eating this stuff at home on weekends that is on you to deal with. — Derrick R. Kearney, Clearwater

The mom who parked her car — IN CAR CIRCLE! — to walk her kid into school, talked to a teacher, and left us and several cars behind us, just waiting with our engines going! Some of us have jobs. Some of us have to get to work. My older daughter has to go to her school, which is a different car circle completely. Park your car, lady. Walk your kid in, that’s fine. Just don’t park in car circle. — Heather Parsons, Dunedin

When you see your high school acquaintances post Facebook updates of their children using the toilet for the first time. Congrats, but I don’t need to know. — Taylor R., Largo

Politics and government

All politics are now national politics. In fact, many issues are seen by the extremes as relating to national politics even when they are not generally seen as political issues! Give it a rest in 2023 folks. — Todd P., Land O’ Lakes

When are we going to ban assault weapons? — Dee Dee Harrington, Detroit

Politicians in no hurry to remove their election signs that are placed all over public infrastructure, yet claiming to be for law and order. Maybe we should charge them for naming rights. Behold the “Anna Paulina Luna Utility Pole.” — Brian Marton, South Pasadena

Sports

Whoever let Landon Donovan commentate a soccer game should be forced to watch “Morbius” on loop. — Phillip, Corpus Christi, Texas

Bowles! My TV tells me your football team stinks!! Leftwich, you couldn’t smooth a Brady offense if you had a hot date with a babe... I lost my train of thought. — Sean Furniss, Lecanto

When the puck is in play at a Lightning game and people feel the need to get up and move about. They tell you plain as day to wait for a stoppage before moving! — Tyler R., Largo

Why does Orlando have an NBA team instead of Tampa? Orlando isn’t exactly known as a sports town, but Tampa would love to support an NBA team. — Tyler R., Largo

Other humans

Some people have “resting jerk face,” but I have “resting nice face” so everyone tells me their life story and I have no idea how to make them stop. Please, just stop. — Erin Turner, San Antonio

People pet my dog on the street, then pick him up without permission. — Angelica, Miami Beach

Men who are forced into going shopping, whistling while they peruse the store. Their high-pitched noise feels like the dentist took a drill to my brain. — Pat Miller, Brooksville

If I never hear the phrase, “please and thank you” again, I will be very grateful. It’s coercive. There should be a pause. Please? Thank you. — Charlie Frago, Tampa Bay Times reporter

How often I smell someone smoking pot lately no matter where I might be. Even on the highway! — Todd Kafka, Tampa

Roommates inviting our college friends over on Wednesday night. I’m trying to sleep. Get out of my house. You’re not 19 anymore, you’re a 25-year-old law student. We don’t need to play D&D twice a week! — Sean Ross, St. Petersburg

Y’all need to dig deep and rinse your dishes before loading them into the dishwasher. What the heck-a-roo is the POINT of a dishwasher if you run it and glasses come out with chunks of last week’s smoothie still attached? Do I need to make a tutorial? This is a double gripe because saying that makes me sound like my mother. I’m mad about that, too. — Lauren Peace, Tampa Bay Times reporter

When you are waiting in a long line at the deli and someone’s number ahead of you is called who, when asked what they want, takes a minute or two before deciding. REALLY?! — Andrew Ritter, Tierra Verde

That one person in the group chat with an Android phone, turning our texts green. You’re killing the vibe with your inferior phone. — Christopher Spata, Tampa Bay Times reporter

People of all ages are riding the electric scooters in St. Pete which is great, but they are riding them ON THE SIDEWALKS which is not great and I am just trying to not die. — Nick, St. Petersburg

Generation X having to deal with things like high blood pressure and kids calling us “bruh” when all we want is a nice Christmas blockbuster movie, some Cheetos and a bourbon. — Awesome Erin, Cincinnati, Ohio

Why do library patrons ask to “rent” books when they mean “borrow?” — Raleigh Claton Muns, St. Louis, Missouri

Some folks spend an hour pushing it around the store, but once outside can’t be bothered to spend a few moments taking it to the cart return. — Walter Turnbull, Brandon

Where are all of the trick-or-treaters? I buy candy, but my neighborhood becomes a ghost town on Halloween. A ghost town in the sense that it’s abandoned, not in the sense that it is overrun by children in ghost costumes. — Frank N. Stein, Largo

When you go to the beach, but you can’t see the beach because of all the tents and gazebos. — Fenton Faseur, Madeira Beach

Work life

The shame I feel as a teacher when I am either buying or consuming alcohol on a weekend and I happen to run into a student. — Charlie Shupp, Largo

I put on some World Cup matches for my students while they worked. A former student saw me doing this and complained that I did not let them watch the World Cup while he was my student last year. Child, nobody watched the World Cup last year. — Nolan Ryan, Safety Harbor

Reading perpetual news articles about employers desperate for employees when a friend, a mechanical engineering graduate, has submitted over 100 applications and has had four unsuccessful interviews. One employer questioned his work ethic because he hasn’t found a job anywhere while looking for a job. — Dave Connors, Costa Mesa, California

The roads

If you are first in line at a red light, then you have a responsibility to watch the light diligently. If you are second in line, then you are on backup duty and have a responsibility to honk if the primary car is not moving. — Anonymous, Largo

Cowboys who drive their pickup trucks like sports cars. If they wanted a Ferrari they shouldn’t have bought a Ford. — Jerry DiFabrizio, Tampa

I’m tired of seeing special a-holes driving around a traffic jam on the shoulder of the highway. You’re not too important to wait with the rest of us! — Daytona Bob, Charlotte, North Carolina

Traffic light timing in St. Petersburg is freaking atrocious. — Randude Cook, St. Petersburg

I remember when I used to be able to go down Fourth Street North to downtown without being cut off by 15 cars, a bus, people crossing my lane to make an illegal left, no blinkers and hitting 15 light cycles between 22nd Avenue North and Central. — Brandy Stark, St. Petersburg

Why does the Sunshine Skyway bridge still have a toll plaza that bottlenecks traffic for miles especially at rush hour? Why is it that the Lee Roy Selmon is truly an expressway, but not the interstate Skyway bridge? — Chuck Bishop, St. Petersburg

Wildlife

The mosquitos here seem to be drawn to the smell of citronella candles and OFF. To them it signals feeding time. — Adrienne Lawley, Tampa

I saw a lot of birds this year, more than usual. I don’t like having to look at them. — Alfie Hall, Lakeland

Complaints

The normalizing of complaints really gets on my nerves. Everyone thinks they’re the only one to get cut off in traffic, or smash into a moose that cut you off in traffic. Now I want to complain about moose. Thing is, I know they won’t listen to me. Which brings me to another complaint ... Where was I? How much complaining there is. Can we agree to disagree? If not, can we disagree to disagree? — Adam Laceky, Helena, Montana