Fewer thank-you notes may be a sign of the times. Making connections is what matters.

I’m treading on thin ice here, but it’s not entirely my fault. In last week’s Topeka Capital-Journal, in the Ask Carolyn column, a reader asked if she was the only person that was hurt by not receiving a thank-you note from her grandchildren.

She said, "Is it just an 'older generation' expectation?” She went ahead to say, “I’m close to not sending gifts anymore.”

This is a topic that has been at the top of my mind many times. It is a matter of discussion among my friends, so I know I am not alone. But Carolyn’s answer gave me pause.

On the surface, I believe thank-you notes are good manners and polite etiquette. But what is it that I’m really after? I’m going to use the first person here because I’m doing my own soul-searching. I’m sending gifts — and by the way, Pat and I have 16 grandchildren ages 6 to 26 — because I want the kids to know we love them and think about them.

We don’t see them weekly or even monthly because all of us have busy lives. Grandparents — grandmothers in particular — have changed over the past few decades. We live longer, work longer and may be at the peak of our careers when the grandkids are little.

I’m currently writing a children’s book called “The Way Grandmothers Are” about grannies who might be pilots, doctors or CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. These women are not home baking cookies and babysitting — and maybe they wish they could.

But nonetheless, I love my grandchildren deeply. So, my gifts are efforts to express that love. But Carolyn says: “Buying gifts as emotional outreach is using steeply devalued currency. Another sweater/toy/tchotchke! Thanks?”

It is no excuse for the lack of a thank-you note, but it helps explain it. I was found guilty.

I came away thinking if connection is what I want, then I need to redirect my efforts. One year, I gave all 16 of them personalized stationery and stamps. Hint! And I must say, to be fair, several of them have really come through.

I’m thinking now that I need to start writing them notes. I bet they don’t get much snail mail. But also, I could ratchet up the personal contact with each of them. Texts, emails and messages can work — you don’t have to leave the house and it takes no stamp.

Instead of focusing on Christmas or birthdays, I can be spontaneous: “Just I’m thinking of you today.”

Now I’m sure if any of them read this, they’ll fear I’ll quit sending the gift cards and checks, but my real desire is to communicate how much I love them. So, I need to do better on my end.

Or I could just resort to the wisdom of a cartoon I saw of some older women talking about how they didn’t get thank-you notes.

One woman said, “I always do!” The others were aghast and asked how she did it.

She said: “I write the check and seal it in the envelope, but I don’t sign it. The kids have to call or come and see me in order to cash it!”

Find Connie’s book, “Daily Cures: Wisdom for Healthy Aging,” at www.justnowoldenough.com.

This article originally appeared on Topeka Capital-Journal: Think more about making connections and less about proper etiquette