Fifth-grade teachers ban dating to reduce 'broken hearts.' Mom says that's 'my job'

Billy Kobin, Louisville Courier Journal
Fifth-grade teachers at an Indiana school sent a note home with students asking them to end relationships.
Fifth-grade teachers at an Indiana school sent a note home with students asking them to end relationships.

Teachers at an Indiana elementary school raised some eyebrows (and possibly broke some hearts) when they sent a letter to parents of fifth-grade students that included an interesting new rule: No dating allowed.

Fifth graders at Riverside Elementary School in Jeffersonville, Indiana, were given Tuesday and Wednesday "to make sure that relationships have ended," according to a note sent home Wednesday to parents and guardians of students.

The note from the three fifth-grade teachers at Riverside Elementary said that while students are at the age in which "they become interested and develop crushes," it is also the age that "hearts can get broken quickly."

"At this age, children are dating and breaking up within days of each other. This leads to many broken hearts, which carry over into the classroom," the teachers wrote. "To combat students having broken hearts, we have implemented a zero dating policy. We are still encouraging our fifth graders to have many friends and to develop strong friendships.

"Again, we are encouraging strong friendships," the teachers added. "Students can still play together at recess, be in groups during classroom activities, and many other situations. We are truly just attempting to lessen the amount of broken hearts."

Mom says it's her 'job' to teach son about dating

Parents and their students were asked to review the note together and sign and return it, but Briana Bower said she has no plans to do that.

Bower said her 10-year-old son, Aiden, has had a girlfriend since last year.

Aiden came home from school "furious"on Tuesday after teachers told their students about the new policy, Bower wrote Wednesday in a Facebook post that included a photo of the note.

Bower said she wants people to know "this isn't a debate on whether 5th graders should date or not."

"I just think it’s my right as a parent to let my child know if they’re allowed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter their age. It’s also my job as a parent to teach my child how to deal with heartbreak," Bower said. "It’s just a part of life and not something we can avoid. I understand the teachers felt like they were helping, but they crossed a boundary telling the students they had to end all 'relationships' by their given date."

Bower said her son and his girlfriend don't hold hands at school or display any romantic intimacy as part of their relationship.

Rather, she said they are "like best friends with a title. ... It means something to them."

School was protecting 'student feelings' and 'instructional time'

Erin Bojorquez, a spokeswoman for Greater Clark County Schools responded in an email that "the content of the letter was taken out of context" and that there is not a "zero tolerance policy."

"The intentions of the teachers was to protect student feelings, encourage developmentally appropriate friendships and most importantly protect instructional time," Bojorquez said. "Teachers were trying to minimize disruptions to the school day."

Bojorquez said the no-dating rules don't apply to other schools in the district.

Bojorquez did not reply when asked if there are specific plans on how to enforce the policy at Riverside Elementary School.

Greater Clark County Schools sent an email to parents Thursday that echoed Bojorquez's comments.

The email said officials have "received feedback that some parents were concerned about the wording of the letter."

The letter sent to parents earlier in the week was "not reviewed by the building principal, or district officials," the email said.

"As educators, we diligently teach our students that words have power," the email added. "This situation is an example of how the word choice took away from the intended positive, proactive approach to protect the social, emotional, and academic learning of the school day.

"Our teachers would just like for parents to have conversations about staying focused on academics at school and maintaining healthy friendships."

Not the first school to ban dating

Though the dating policy may seem novel, Riverside is not the first school in the world to tell its students to stop dating.

In 2014, a school just outside Sydney, Australia, banned its students who were 10 years or younger from dating.

"This sexualisation at a young age was not something the majority of parents supported," Stephen Harris, the principal of Northern Beaches Christian School, reportedly said, adding that a school official advised parents to "forbid certain activities and never allow their child to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex was visiting."

Back in Indiana, Bower said she has never had problems with Riverside Elementary but thinks "boundaries were crossed" when teachers told students to end relationships without first telling parents.

"I still have respect for the teachers and the school. I don’t want people to bash either," Bower said. "The school has been great to my children and even helped my oldest with some emotional issues. I just wanted to stand up for the rights of the students and parents."

Reach Billy Kobin at bkobin@courierjournal.com or 502-582-7030. Support strong local journalism by subscribing today: courier-journal.com/subscribe.

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This article originally appeared on Louisville Courier Journal: Indiana school tells fifth graders no dating. Mom says it's 'my job.'