Filet-O-Fish and fights over relatability on the ‘Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’
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Tuesday night’s episode of Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” picks up at the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs where Whitney Rose, Heather Gay, Monica Garcia, Lisa Barlow and Mary Cosby receive a text from Meredith Marks, who instructs them to put on the “No Trix All Trust” T-shirt she gifted each of them and meet at the pool.
Angie Katsanevas, who was not actually invited on this Palm Springs trip and therefore was not gifted a T-shirt by the host, has managed to find a plain white tee. She asks the motel manager if he has a Sharpie she can borrow, and when he hands her a pink pen, she writes on the shirt “All Trix No Trust.” When the manager sees this, he says, “Oh, that’s so sad,” and he is not wrong.
Lisa pops by Whitney’s room to debrief their chaotic dinner the night before. They agree that Angie came in too hot and that Meredith often weaponizes her personal issues. They also agree that if whatever Meredith has planned for the day is not fun, Whitney is going to take over.
Monica visits Meredith in her room, and Meredith thanks Monica for her support the night before. Monica also visits Angie, who says she was hurt when Monica scolded her for going too hard at Meredith.
If you’re feeling lost and like you need a cork board with pins and string to keep track of who said what to whom, it’s important to remember that none of this matters. All of these beefs and alliances will shift over the course of the next episode or two. Watching the “Real Housewives” is not about knowing who is fighting and who are new BFFs. It’s about the journey to those fights and friendships.
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At long last, they all meet at the pool, where Heather apologizes to Whitney for vomiting on her leg after drinking too many espresso martinis, and Angie unveils her shirt. Meredith grimaces.
The women jump in the Sprinter van and head to a park where they will perform trust exercises led by some guy named Cliff. When they arrive, Mary refuses to exit the vehicle because, in her words, “I can’t be standing out in the park in the rain,” and as someone who would rather have a root canal than participate in trust exercises, Mary has my full support.
Mary watches from the van as the other women lead each other through obstacle courses and other dumb activities that won’t actually do anything to increase trust among the group. She also asks a producer for a hot, oat milk latte with a double shot, which she gets, supporting my theory that Mary only agreed to come back on the show if she didn’t have to participate in dumb stuff and the production team waited on her hand and foot. I’m glad they acquiesced, because Mary is running away with the season so far and we’d be lost without her.
The women pile back into the van, and Meredith tells Mary she wishes Mary had participated. Mary reminds her that she had told Meredith why she wasn’t participating — she didn’t want to. Lisa tries to jump in, but as soon as she starts to speak, Mary says, “Don’t interrupt. This is not between you and me.” Then, when Mary asks Meredith a question and Lisa responds, Mary asks, “Do you have a mute button?” To which Lisa responds, “No, I don’t. I’m on play all the time.” And I’d like to praise Lisa for being self-aware, but I’ve seen the rest of the episode and I hate to break it to you, but that self-awareness does not last long.
They arrive back at the Trixie Motel and dig into lunch. Someone asks for the rest of the day’s agenda, and before Meredith can respond, Whitney announces that she’s taking over. Her plan, she explains, is a drag-inspired makeup competition judged by Trixie Mattel. In order to participate in this competition, the women will need to cancel their glam, which in housewife speak means they cannot use the team of makeup and hair stylists who usually get these women camera-ready. Lisa suddenly looks very concerned and says she flew glam in.
In her confessional, Lisa explains that she spends $60,000 a year on glam(!!!), has a makeup artist on retainer, and that she gets her makeup done by a professional every day, even if she’s just going to the grocery store. And look, the temptation is to make some harsh judgments here, but also, being on camera and being recognized everywhere you go makes one pretty vulnerable, so I kind of get it. What I don’t get is her unwillingness to participate in this activity because the point is more makeup.
Monica can hear Lisa complaining to producers one room over and compares Lisa to Veruca from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and then does a pretty good impression of Veruca saying, “I want it now! I want it all!” Meanwhile, Lisa cries, “I have glam in Monaco, I have glam in Saint-Tropez, I have glam everywhere I go,” which yeah, is pretty Veruca-esque. “I’m just asking you to relate to me,” she says to a producer named Lori, after naming the world’s most elite destinations for wealthy travelers. “I’m asking you just to put it in perspective,” Lori says, probably knowing putting anything in perspective is not in Lisa’s wheelhouse.
The other women start applying their makeup and fastening their 45-pound wigs. Then it’s time to reveal their looks. Whitney, Monica and Heather seem to have understood the assignment — they walk out in platform heels, obscene amounts of makeup and giant blonde wigs. Angie gets a B — her wig is green and flat. Meredith gets a C+ — she has no wig and her makeup looks pretty normal, but she is in platforms. Lisa gets an F — she’s in an understated cotton top and jeans with normal hair and the same makeup she always wears. “I’m winning because I get to look like me,” she says. OK. Mary technically gets a C — her hair and makeup are normal, but she is participating, so on the Mary-adjusted-curve, it’s an A.
Trixie announces that Monica is the winner for showing absolute commitment, stepping outside the box and being unafraid to look both glamorous and foolish. Lisa looks disappointed because I think she genuinely thought she was in contention.
While they eat dinner in the motel lobby, Monica calls the women who were a bit understated in their drag presentations “wet noodles.” Lisa confronts her about this in the Sprinter van while they head to a bar. “I’m shocked you didn’t dress up,” Monica tells her, and Lisa says, “I am dressed up” (she’s not). “This is drag for me,” she adds (it’s not). Monica somehow manages to pivot the conversation back to Lisa’s missing $60,000 ring and says it’s hard for her to listen to, even though this is the first mention of the ring this episode. Monica tells Lisa she’s lived a privileged lifestyle for so long that she’s removed from most of America. This quickly escalates into a shouting match between the two of them, which lasts until they arrive at the bar. Once again, Mary refuses to de-van, and asks the driver to take her to McDonald’s. Bless her.
At the bar, Lisa tells Monica she hurt her feelings. “You think I can’t relate to middle-class America? I do, 100%,” she says. “Middle-class people don’t have $60,000 rings,” Monica responds. Lisa assures her that they do. So yeah, the self-awareness did not stick.
Elsewhere in the bar, Whitney confronts Meredith about her lackluster drag performance. Meredith says she’s had a headache for two days, and a wig would have compounded the pain. Whitney mentions that Meredith is always using excuses like headaches and an acquaintance’s sick grandson to get out of things, and Meredith responds with fire in her eyes when she says “DON’T YOU GO THERE. YOU’RE A MONSTER. DON’T YOU DARE” and walks away.
Mary orders a Filet-O-Fish, a six-piece nuggets and a large fry, then enjoys her meal alone in the Sprinter van. Mary is undoubtedly having a much better night than the women in the bar, who are now all yelling at each other and referring to each other as pit bulls and chihuahuas. It’s hard to follow, and honestly, I don’t care enough about who is yelling at whom.
All that really matters in the end is that Mary enjoyed a meal in peace. May we all be so wise to sit out confrontation bar trips and eat a large fry instead.
