Former St. Johns County coaches advise how to handle parent-coach dynamic after top-level exit

PONTE VEDRA – After amassing a 35-9 record in three years – including a 10-1 record her first season and leading her team to the state semifinals a year later – Jen Conway is no longer the head coach of girls' lacrosse at Ponte Vedra.

Conway resigned in the middle of the 2021 season thanks to frayed communication between herself, the athletic director and parents, she said. Now, with a new school year underway, The Record spoke to Conway and former local coaches about Conway's resignation to learn how coaches, parents, student-athletes and athletic programs can work together successfully to fortify their relationships.

Conway said her relationship with some team members' parents unraveled from an incident last spring that led to her resignation.

On the night of April 1, Conway and the Lady Sharks were in Tampa for an away game against Plant the next day. That night, a parent brought cake and lemonade to dinner. There was no water.

Some of the athletes drank the lemonade and ate the cake. Conway and her staff, who didn't like for the athletes to have sugar before games because it could cause their energy to fluctuate, asked the girls to raise their hands if they thought it was a good idea to have the sweets the night before a game.

“When you’re away on a business trip, you take care of yourself," Conway said. "You focus. You have one game. You’ve got to make sure you’re fueling your body for the next game.”

After the girls responded, Conway and her staff dropped the issue.

On April 3, after Ponte Vedra returned from Tampa, Michelle and Bryan Mosser sent a formal complaint about Conway to Athletic Director Michael Harrison, Principal Frederick Oberkehr and St. Johns County Superintendent Tim Forson.

The Record obtained the email through a public records request. Multiple calls and text messages to the Mossers for comments over the course of two weeks were not returned.

The letter accused Conway of “bullying,” “body-shaming” and demonstrating "a continuous toxic environment" – all of which shocked the long-time coach, who said she thought she was simply doing her job.

"We have documented multiple examples of her behavior throughout the season and her most recent actions in Tampa," the later stated. "Her malice and vindictive actions in Tampa over the weekend (Friday & Saturday) should be investigated by the St Johns Public Schools. PVHS can not continue to sweep her toxic coaching and behavior under the rug and hope things will get better with her."

The situation led to Conway’s resignation after more than 10 years as an assistant and head coach of the high school program and the youth program, Riptide. She had been coaching only the high school program the last three years when she resigned.

Now Conway, 49, isn't interested in coaching after this "chaos," she said. Conway looked back at this incident and provided some insight on how it could've gone differently.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

There is no standard communication policy between parents, coaches and student-athletes at Ponte Vedra. It's up to the coach to implement a policy for their program. Conway did not have a policy in place.

Conway said that parents never communicated with her about any “toxicity” they claimed existed within her program.

In the April 3 email, Mosser mentioned previously reaching out regarding Conway in October 2021, and said Harrison assured her he would address her and her husband’s concerns about Conway.

Mosser went on to say the situation worsened after the trip to Tampa.

Conway said neither parents nor players talked to her about their issues. She said it wasn't fair they bypassed her and went straight to the athletic director.

“It was not toxic,” Conway said. “For a parent to be able to say those things about a coach she never went and talked to, she had never had a conversation with or barely knows and doesn’t have to explain herself or be accountable for is just wrong.”

The Record’s attempts to connect with recently graduated and current players to comment for the story were unsuccessful.

Legendary St. Johns County basketball coach and Ponte Vedra Dean Bud Beech never heard about any toxicity regarding Conway’s program and certainly would’ve heard about it if she wasn’t doing well, he said. He commended Conway for what she did with the lacrosse program during her tenure.

“You're trying to coach the individual in every aspect of their life,” Beech said. “That’s what coaching is now. Between the training, the eating, what to do, how to structure your program year-round. We all did it. She did it, too. And that’s fine. That’s what got them to the high level of lacrosse.”

Harrison texted Conway regarding the complaint on April 4 and they had a phone conversation about it the same day.

Conway said Harrison knew how upset she was about the situation ahead of their face-to-face meeting later that day.

"It wasn't meant to be degrading by any means," Conway recalled telling Harrison over the phone. "It was a nutrition talk. I don't understand how that was misunderstood."

By the time they met, she said Harrison was ready to suspend her without further conversation and told her she needed to apologize.

The Record submitted a records request to receive the formal suspension letter Harrison sent to Conway on April 4. In the letter, Harrison said the meeting Conway conducted with student-athletes was "handled in an unacceptable manner."

Also: "The interactions that occurred between you and the athletes was inappropriate and not to the standards expected of our coaching staff."

He then suspended her for one lacrosse game and told her that "any similar actions of this type will have increased ramifications."

Harrison declined to comment for this story; he didn't specify why.

Former Ponte Vedra cross country coach head coach Kerry Mowlam said he didn't even receive a suspension after he had a beer in front of the athletes following an away cross country meet in 2017 in Lake City. Mowlam bought a six pack and had it with other coaches at dinner.

Former athletic director David Scott fired him immediately. The St. Johns County Board of Education Alcohol and Drug-Free policy states that no employee shall possess, consume, deliver, provide to another, or sell alcoholic beverages, or be under the influence of alcohol in the workplace or while on duty.

Mowlam said he never thought to look up the policy and owned up to his wrongdoing, but was shocked that he didn’t have the chance to rectify his first and only offense after building a successful program over six years, dedicating full-time hours to it every week.

It didn’t matter to the school or Scott that the Florida High School Athletic Association only gave him a fine and probation, he said.

“It was just ‘Did you have a beer in front of the kids?’" he recalled Scott asking him.

“Yes,” Mowlam replied.

“‘You’re fired.’”

Mowlam said more than 400 parents sent emails to Scott and the school to support him, but to no avail. Mowlam said he had one parent who sent an anonymous, disparaging email about him to Scott and the superintendent.

“If I was half of the things the letter said, I’m a horrible human being,” Mowlam said, adding he deleted the email years ago.

The most jarring part was that a parent could send that type of email without any repercussions, he said. He felt the letter had more weight than his own voice, he added.

“I just don’t understand how people can say whatever they want and be OK with it,” the retired coach said.

The lack of accountability is what upset Mowlam and Conway the most. Mowlam said it took him a while to get over the situation.

For Conway, she said in hindsight, she wishes communication between herself, Harrison and the parents was the priority.

“You allow people to attack my character and punish me for it without even checking in on it,” Conway said. “What I would’ve preferred is pulling those parents in with me in that conversation at 3 p.m. and having that open conversation or why did you send these emails. Where was the miscommunication or misunderstanding? ‘I have faith in Jen and what was trying to be accomplished. Let’s talk about it.’”

Follow the chain of command

Robin Mignerey had one of the most successful runs in Ponte Vedra’s school history as the school's volleyball head coach for 13 seasons. Mignerey resigned in January.

She led the Sharks to three state championships and compiled a 298-74 record during her tenure.

Mignerey, a parent of student-athletes, said she didn’t like how parents sidestepped the chain of command in Conway's situation.

“Why are we jumping over the bosses?” she said. “Why can’t we communicate and try to figure out our problems? If you can’t work it out, you go to the next step. Then you get the superintendent involved.”

Mignerey said she would have talked to her own children about what happened with Conway first to ensure they didn’t misunderstand her. She would've also asked them whether they thought they should have eaten sweets before a game.

Then she would’ve reached out to other parents and Conway, she said.

In her 13 seasons at Ponte Vedra, Mignerey put the onus on her athletes to come to her first before getting their parents involved. Conway said the same.

“That’s your first line if you have an issue,” Conway said. “If your daughter’s not happy, you go to the coach first. You go and voice your opinion. That was never done.”

Put everything in black and white

For Mignerey, another big takeaway from Conway’s exit is that every rule and expectation must be written down and communicated from the start – no matter how minor.

Mignerey said she had rules that were stricter than most coaches, but they weren’t a surprise or unexpected because they were in writing.

“You have to have everything in black and white so there’s something to fall back on,” Mignerey said.

Conway didn’t have printed rules for her team, but she made it clear how important nutrition was. She had a nutritionist speak with her team her first season to establish that precedent. She didn’t have one speak in subsequent seasons because she thought athletes already knew about her reputation as a health-conscious coach. She didn’t think there were many girls who didn’t know about her teachings of self-care, positive-energy fitness, hydration, nutrition and balance, she said.

She also had Ponte Vedra author Jon Gordon, who writes books about positivity, speak with her athletes this past season. Conway said giving her athletes written rules is something she’d consider in the future.

“But people can sign anything and behave completely differently,” Conway said. “I don’t think it would have made a difference this year or helped in this situation. It was unfortunately tainted from the start … . One negative person can ruin it for the rest.”

Moving forward

The coaches interviewed for this story said that the majority of parents have been great during their careers. They all enjoyed an unprecedented level of success at Ponte Vedra, but had a rough time with only a few parents.

In addition to communication, adhering to the chain of command and written rules, Conway and Mignerey advised not to blow situations “out of proportion” and not let any one group or individual control the narrative.

“I was doing my job,” Conway said. “He [Harrison] allowed them to manipulate the narrative and make me feel bad about raising their hands asking somebody about eating cake.

“The more I say that, the more ridiculous it sounds.”

This article originally appeared on St. Augustine Record: St. Johns coaches offer advice regarding parent-coach relationships