Fostering animals in Singapore: How do fosterers cope after their pets have been rehomed?

SINGAPORE - The act of providing temporary shelter, care, and love for animals in need through fostering, is a deeply rewarding experience. Fostering offers a temporary home for dogs and cats facing uncertain futures while awaiting permanent adoption.

However, amid the many joys of fostering, a poignant truth remains: the difficulty of parting ways with a fostered pet. How do animal fosterers cope both mentally and physically, especially with the emotional bonds they've built with their fostered pets?

Yahoo Southeast Asia spoke with animal fosterers on why they chose to foster, and how they deal with the emotional attachment that comes with leaving their fostered cats and dogs.

First time fosterer cried for four hours

Claire Glenn first came across a stray cat at a rubbish bin near her home in Joo Chiat in early September. As she already had a cat and dog at home, she was unable to take the cat home.

Three weeks later, she found the same cat near a hedge of a bush after hearing its cries. "She was small, emaciated, and clearly pregnant," she said.

As the cat carrier she had on hand was broken, Glenn decided to keep the 7-month old cat, whom she named Aurora. She later realised it had swollen teats, and figured that it must have given birth.

She found Aurora's three kittens in a pile of rubbish after searching the neighbourhood and speaking with community cat feeders. They were named Tom Holland, Zendaya, and Catto.

What Glenn did not expect was the quick response from a family who were keen on adopting two of the kittens. They had replied to an advertisement her husband had put up in his school, and dropped by the next day to take the kittens home.

Glenn cried for four hours, as she was upset over having to separate the kittens from their mother. But she knew instantly that this was the right family for the kittens.

"The process was one long day. If it had been shorter like 'pulling a band aid', I would probably have been okay. Thinking about them being apart from their mother made me upset," said Glenn, who had been fostering the cats for about four weeks when the kittens were adopted.

Even though she had no intentions to keep them, she had grown attached and found the whole fostering process "really emotional".

"I guess if you do it over and over again, you get used to it," she said.

What has helped Glenn process her emotions is the fact that Aurora and Catto are still with her, and that the family that adopted Tom Holland and Zendaya had kept in touch by sending pictures and updates of the kittens' progress.

"Zendaya's still a bit shy, but Tom Holland has been rushing around the house, climbing on all the shelves, and exploring everything, and those sound like they are having a good life," she said.

She added that because Singapore is a small country, new bonds between fosterers and adopters like this can be formed quickly, and that has helped her deal with the parting of both kittens.

An interim home for pets

For May Ngu, fostering another dog is "the best way" to get over the loss of a foster dog leaving.

Having fostered thirteen dogs, Ngu decided to do a 'foster fail' with her latest, Rusty. A 'foster fail' is when a pet parent takes in a foster animal on a temporary basis, and later adopts them permanently.

Rusty, currently twelve years of age, was fostered at age nine after being in an animal shelter for six years.

"I had built such an emotional bond with him. I have a very soft spot for senior dogs, as I think they don't have much time left. I would just want to give him the best life that he can have for the remaining few years of his life."

As Ngu had just moved into her own home away from her family, she was able to permanently adopt.

"Being a fosterer means not having too tight of a grip on your foster dogs. Being too sticky makes it quite hard for adopters to have the freedom to learn how to be good adopters."

Open communication on updates and any problems faced by the adopters has also helped Ngu to process separating from her fostered dogs.

As the head of rehoming at SOSD Singapore, Ngu also shared that fosterers do not necessarily keep in contact with adopters.

In managing the emotions of fosterers, rehoming volunteers at SOSD Singapore are the assigned point of contact between fosterers and adopters. These "neutral parties" help to organise and arrange interactions, said Ngu.

The other reason for a need for rehoming volunteers is to prevent confusion when fosterers form too deep of an emotional connection with their fostered dog, and confuse adopters over whether the fosterer is willing to let the dog go. These volunteers also help to reason with conflict openly, Ngu said.

To prevent complications, Ngu's approach is to always ask potential fosterers if their intention is purely to foster a pet, and if they are considering adoption at a later stage.

"What has always worked is to be honest about the situation. At the end of the day, we are the voice for these dogs, and we prioritise their welfare," she said.

Keeping communication open and seeing yourself as part of the pets' journey

40-year-old Esther started her fostering journey in 2020, after an an adopted dog of hers died suddenly.

As she found her house "too quiet" and was not "emotionally and mentally ready" for another adoption, she went on a search for a foster dog two months later.

Having a fostered dog for a shorter term came as "self protection", she said.

Her first fostering case, Satay, lasted for two weeks. It was hard to let go, as Esther had assumed she was going to foster Satay for at least six months, with the goal to nurse it back to health.

Satay had been involved in a dog fight at a shelter, had lots of injuries, including an amputated tail, and was "pretty much skin and bones".

After a few interested families visited, one particular family decided to take Satay home.

Three years on, Esther remains in contact with Satay's adopted family, and tries to visit at least once a year.

She said that the first dog you foster will always "be the hardest" to part with, but knowing that it has ended up with a "fantastic family" has helped her accept the loss.

Esther has fostered a total of five dogs, and her most recent addition, Jewel, was personally adopted by her two years ago.

She still keeps in touch with the adoptive families through social media. They also send her messages, photos, and videos of the dogs through Whatsapp, giving her the assurance that they are "in good hands".

"That conversation makes you feel like you're still part of the journey and that helps."

Knowing that a dog has found a family that fits its lifestyle also helps her emotionally detach. She references one foster dog, whose adoptive family shares a similar body clock with it as early risers.

"When we see that there is a family that's much more suited for the dog, it's pretty easy," she said.

Other ways she has dealt with parting ways with her fostered dogs include considering the different needs of the dogs, and whether she is able to "bring out its full potential".

"The whole point of fostering is to help as many dogs as possible get a forever home. In order for me to continue that work, I've got to let go of one, so I can get another," she said.

"Always think of yourself as a part of the journey, and not the endpoint. It's a bit like school, right? You are preparing them to graduate to their forever home."

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