Friends and family remember LGBTQ+ trailblazer Sharon Malheiro at funeral service

Sharon Malheiro was the type of person who wanted to "help people in ways both large and small," according to her former law colleague, Deb Tharnish.

But she also had a charismatic personality with a sharp wit and an infectious sense of humor, her college friend Sue Leabhart remembered.

Malheiro, the trailblazing LGBTQ+ activist who helped lead the fight for the legalization of same-sex marriage in Iowa and co-founded the nonprofit One Iowa, died unexpectedly April 10, leaving what her friends and family said is a giant hole not only in their hearts, but in the hearts of Iowans across the state.

On Saturday, nearly 100 of them gathered in Plymouth United Church of Christ in Des Moines in her memory.

As her family, friends and fellow activists proceeded into the chapel, they passed by the colors of the rainbow lit up on the chapel's ceilings, a nod to the LGBTQ+ flag and Malheiro's legacy as a champion for equality.

"For the past generation and longer, she was involved in nearly every issue of equality and fairness and discrimination in the state. Sometimes in the courtroom, sometimes in the meeting room, and sometimes in the background, but always Sharon was there, strategizing, listening, briefing, arguing," her friend Michael Gartner said during the funeral service. "She didn't always win, but she viewed all losses in two ways: misguided and temporary."

Malheiro's impactful career began as a managing editor of the Des Moines Register and Tribune syndicate from 1979 to 1987. In 1988, she received her law degree from the Drake University Law School and soon after joined the Davis Brown Law Firm, where she would one day serve as president, the first openly gay woman to do so at an Iowa law firm, according to her obituary.

But Gartner said no matter what she did, fighting for the underserved and the underrepresented was "in every bone in her body."

In 2009, Malheiro worked with the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund to help Iowa become the third state in the nation to establish marriage equality. Before that, her advocacy led the state to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

More: LGBTQ 'legend' and One Iowa founder Sharon Malheiro dies

Her friends and family captured Malheiro's tenacious spirit in their reflections, remembering the ways she not only stood up and fought for "the underdog" at the highest levels of the state up until the day she died, but also the ways she supported her friends in everyday life, through their own stories of coming out, of seeking acceptance and of trying to build their families.

"She had a way of impacting people in a way that they needed impact," said Jenny Smith, a friend and former One Iowa board president. "But to me personally, Sharon meant hope, she meant opportunity, she meant freedom, she meant pride, she meant comfort and she meant safety."

Smith credits not only her marriage, but her entire family with her "four wonderful children" to Malheiro and her relentless advocacy.

On Saturday, people praised Malheiro for her accomplishments and remarked on the vast impact of her legacy on Iowa and the nation. But to many who spent time with her or were welcomed into her home for Friday night dinners, Malheiro's larger-than-life image was just a piece of what she meant to them.

For people like her step-daughters, Julie Bermel and Paige Brosseth, Malheiro was an icon in public, but at home, "she was just a regular mom," Brosseth said.

Those close to her remembered her as someone who thrived as the life of the party, but also as someone who enjoyed time alone and with her dearly loved wife, Sue Malheiro. She was someone who loved deeply; someone who enjoyed cooking her guests elaborate 10-course Italian meals; and someone who welcomed all into her home and made them feel loved, valued and uplifted.

"I am strong. She made us strong," Smith said. "And I just want to go forward thankful for the time that we had with her and the lessons that she gave us and always remember how important she was."

Francesca Block is a breaking news reporter at the Des Moines Register. Reach her at FBlock@registermedia.com or on Twitter at@francescablock3.

This article originally appeared on Des Moines Register: Family and friends attend LGBTQ+ advocate Sharon Malheiro's funeral