Friendship is always a sweet responsibility and never an opportunity

Recently I have been thinking about friendships and I remember so well that verse in Kahlil Gibran’s book, "The Prophet":

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility and never an opportunity."

What is your understanding of a friend?

While I reflected upon Gibran’s definition of friendship as a "sweet responsibility and never an opportunity," I thought of a recent story.

As a woman lay on her death bed, a call was received by her family from a "friend" who was inquiring about buying her car.

I thought this strange and an unsavory request.

I searched deeply for some compassion, concern and sympathy for the dying woman from the caller, but then understood better what Gibran was saying in regard to a friend’s search for opportunity.

Friendships can be most trying when kindness and understanding are absent.

In another story, I remember going to visit a friend in a nursing home. My friend had a history of diabetes, had a foot amputated and part of a leg, and was nearing the end of his life’s journey.

I asked him how he was feeling and he responded, "Not so well."

He said he recently received a visit from a local church member who gave him a copy of the Bible to read and prayed for him.

When he opened the Bible, the print was so small he could not read it, he said.

I advised him there are a lot of people, including church members, that don’t read that book very often. If you have a belief in a Creator, I’m quite certain that any loving Creator would enjoy hearing from you whether you can read the small print or not.

He smiled and said, "You’re probably right." I sat there and we chatted about old times, family and friends. He seemed comforted, and not so many weeks later, he died and is buried in the Dargan cemetery.

Sometimes I’m thinking a friend can be a wise counselor and not say a word. A true friend understands how you are feeling and what you really need.

Here's another story about the generosity of some folk that is often misplaced.

Recently, I saw some of those road flaggers standing by a construction zone. I always had a soft spot for them as I watched them stand for hours holding a sign to either slow or stop vehicles.

On this particular day, it was scorching hot, and these individuals were sweating profusely as they stood dutifully along the road. The sun had even scorched and blistered one sign holder’s lip.

As I stopped to talk to one of them, I asked if he needed something cold to drink; he said that would be nice. Another person had dropped off a hot coffee but the java seemed a bit too warm, he said.

I’m thinking to myself, "Why would a seemingly friendly action offer so little relief to a hot and wearied 'sole' along this highway of life?"

Sometimes it seems that friendly folk just don’t think too clear on occasion.

I remember a poignant quote by Muhammed Ali: "If you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything."

I heard another quote, too, that says "Life is something like a big party where a lot of people come, but only those who remain to help clean up afterwards are the ones that really matter."

I’m thinking that’s a fine commentary.

A good friend’s presence, ear and advice sometimes is far better than any a professional counselor might provide. Ralph Waldo Emerson left us with this advice: "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

A valued friendship for sure is something most priceless, and Euripides, the Greek playwright, reminded all within ear shot that "one valuable friend is worth 10,000 relatives."

And perhaps the wisest observation?

"A friend is one who comes in when everyone else is leaving." I’ve seen this one in action when someone is sick, in need, or suffering from loneliness, but there are far too few friends at times to accommodate the needy.

I once had a friend dying from lung cancer who was going to leave all his worldly possessions ($225,000) to a local church, but when no church members came to visit him during his illness, he changed his mind.

Those who did come to assist best understood that true meaning of friendship.

So, if you have a hankering to be a good friend these days, maybe it’s best to have a simple reminder:

Friendship is a sweet responsibility, and never an opportunity.

Thank you for being someone’s friend!

Pete Waters is a Sharpsburg resident who writes for The Herald-Mail.

This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: It takes deep understanding to be a true friend to others