The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I'm so glad I brought my kids to the park so they can ask me for snacks non-stop somewhere different than at home.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) July 25, 2019
I don’t think our youngest has taken a single breath while telling us this story that started in 2012.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 25, 2019
[Watching an educational show]
[3 year-old asks a million questions I have no answer for]
Me: Okay, let's watch Bugs Bunny instead.
[5 minutes later]
3: Why doesn't he hop?
Me: ᴰᵃᵐᵐⁱᵗ— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 24, 2019
Become a parent so that your first reaction to someone screaming “OW!” in another room is to roll your eyes and sigh
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) July 22, 2019
Has anyone ever bought your kid a whistle? You might be entitled to financial compensation.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 20, 2019
We have channels for the first time and while watching cartoons with my 6 y/o he had to pee.
Him: Can you pause it?
Me: I can’t, it’s TV
Him: *pause* Ok then can you stop watching until I’m done so it’s fair?
Someone explain to me why I closed my eyes until he came back 😂— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) July 25, 2019
Before becoming a parent, literally no one prepares for the day you might have to pep talk another person into "making a poopy".
— Momzilla (@milliondollrfam) July 25, 2019
I made my kids some Simba shaped pancakes, but my 2yo wouldn't eat Simba and she started crying. I felt like a savage telling her to eat simba, so I cut Simba's ears off, I realized my mistake when I saw the horror in her face, and now everyone is traumatized.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) July 25, 2019
Once you can send your kids to play in the other room without worrying about them dying, the second part of your life begins.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 22, 2019
My 5 year old got mad that I told him to try a bite of French Toast because I think he’d like it. He said “you don’t know ANYTHING about my life!” Boy I been with you almost every second since your conception but go off I guess
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) July 24, 2019
DAUGHTER: I don’t want that for dinner.
ME: What do you want?
DAUGHTER: Noodles.
ME: …This is noodles.
DAUGHTER: I don’t want that.
ME: I don’t…I don’t know where we go from here.— The Dad (@thedad) July 21, 2019
My preschooler wanted me to play with her so she asked my wife for permission if you were wondering how much authority I have in the home.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 26, 2019
On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.
My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 21, 2019
It’s storming pretty severely here. Just had the following conversation with my toddler:
*Thunder clap*
Sally: What was that?
Me: That’s just some angels playing ball in heaven
Sally: No Mommy. It’s thunder.
Me: 😬— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) July 22, 2019
This summer, my kids are learning how to cook*
*microwave cups of mac-n-cheese— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 24, 2019
I finally found my sleep number.
It’s 0.
0 kids.— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) July 24, 2019
me to my first kid: OMG YOU’RE WALKING *tears* oh the places you will go
me to my second: yayyy rockstar!!
me to my third: whoa slow down there, what’s the rush lmao
me to my fourth: *discreetly knocks him over* dude I just sat down for the first time in a year, chill— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) July 23, 2019
In case you’re wondering how sadistic toddlers are, my 3yo just bit into a hard boiled egg and was upset that there wasn’t a baby in it.
— Professional Worrier (@com3t0think0fit) July 26, 2019
[loud screaming in the next room]
Me: Hey! What's going on in there?
7-year-old: We're screaming.
Glad we cleared that up.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2019
Parenthood is serving regular meals of, “Dream big, my loves, for you can be anything” with a side of, “Please be less annoying” at least once a week.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 25, 2019
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.