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it's that time of season my kids are mad at me for the house being cold while they are literally only wearing underwear.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 26, 2021
Not my husband calling me from the ballet studio because he can’t remember the stranger danger password and my daughter won’t go home with him 💀💀💀
— kelly andrew 🍂 (@KayAyDrew) October 25, 2021
my newborn arrived healthy and fully prepared for spooky season 👻🧡🎃 pic.twitter.com/5zXGsK6MKh
— Yuli🌹 (@moneybunny420) October 26, 2021
11 y/o says rap isn’t music, “it’s just talking,” so once she gives me a curfew and tells me she’s not mad, just disappointed, I guess her transformation into my mother will be complete.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 26, 2021
before i had kids i thought there were like twenty kinds of dinosaurs total. now i know there are 800, and my three year old would like to be every single one of them for halloween, please. IN HIS PREFERRED COLOR SCHEME
— josie duffy rice (@jduffyrice) October 24, 2021
Not to brag, but my baby thinks I'm the funniest person in my house.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 26, 2021
Me: Need help buddy?
5: No, I do it myself
5’s pumpkin: pic.twitter.com/EEmdu1vs3u
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) October 27, 2021
Packing lunch for your kid today is so complicated with food restrictions and the pressure for it to look photogenic. That is why I recommend the pared-down, old school approach: coffee and cigarettes.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 28, 2021
You know who the biggest gaslighters are? Toddlers. Today I saw my kid dump some flour on the floor and when I told her to clean it up she said “umm, I did not do that”
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) October 27, 2021
my kid after one me after five
piece of candy cups of coffee pic.twitter.com/aiXNdlpczn
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 27, 2021
My 7 yr old wants to know how many years I spent in "Mom training school" and if I "practiced enough with dolls" before I had her; I don't like this line of questioning.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) October 27, 2021
I don’t care who voices Buzz Lightyear as long as the movie allows me a solid 2 hour nap while my kid watches it.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 28, 2021
If you see me driving erratically, I'm not drunk, I just have a toddler demanding snacks.
— Kitty Kat (@katbuble) October 26, 2021
Schools need to make a spirit day that is easy for parents, like My Mom Forgot it was School Spirit Day Day.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 26, 2021
If you’re going to gift a child a craft kit then you also have to do the craft with them. It’s the law.
— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) October 25, 2021
Heard a rival dad is planning to hand out king size candy bars for Halloween so now every trick or treater that comes to my house is getting a full rack of ribs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 23, 2021
"WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?"
~ Me, helping my son with his math homework
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 29, 2021
It should be illegal for your child to change their favorite character without giving you a 30 day notice
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 28, 2021
Halloween activities with kids can be so fun like for instance earlier I dislocated my shoulder carving 3 pumpkins on my own while they watched Netflix and ate chocolate skeletons
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 26, 2021
Welcome to parenthood. You now yawn every time you read the word yawn.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 25, 2021
The best thing about parenting babies and toddlers is that you can dress them up as like, a croissant for Halloween, they don’t give a shit.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 25, 2021
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.