The Funniest Tweets From Parents The Week Of Sept.10-16
funny parenting tweets
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I’m Mom. You might remember me from such hits as “When is this assignment due?” and its sequel “How long have you known about this?”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 12, 2022
Every time my mom stays over with my son for the night we come home and the whole house is clean even though I left it messy, my son is perfectly behaved, and she’s folded my laundry. How are moms??? Aren’t I a mom?? Why am I not a this kind of mom???
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 11, 2022
My teens' rooms have literally become the Bermuda Triangle for our dishes and cutlery.
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) September 12, 2022
My 5yo can't drive her pretend car because she can't find her driver's license that she made out of cardboard. She's stressing because she doesn't know how she's going to take her babies to the park. Her pretend play is too real. I'm stressing with her.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 12, 2022
I keep trying to have a nice, clean house, but my kids keep living in it.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) September 13, 2022
Kids don’t need parents, they need chauffeurs
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 14, 2022
The absolute best thing about today is that I told my 10 year old I was nominated for the National Book Award and he then told me that out of all the kids in his class he can stuff the most Oreos in his mouth 🥰🥰
— Sabaa Tahir (@sabaatahir) September 14, 2022
Fun-sized candy wrappers.
Glitter.
Small rocks.
A paper that needed to be signed for school.
- parents, describing the contents of their lint filter— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 11, 2022
I hit the curb in the school drop-off line, so if I don't tweet for a while it's because I've been busy transferring my kid to a new school.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 15, 2022
Bill Hader in a kn95 at this packed event is the dad at school orientation who knows the name of his kid’s pediatrician.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) September 13, 2022
The most unrealistic thing I've ever seen in a movie is when an entire family sits down to eat breakfast together on a weekday.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 14, 2022
me, to my 4 year old: remember, you can't bring anything electric into the tub
6 year old: technically you can, but it will kill you
me: yeah, thanks— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 14, 2022
Sorry I'm late, my 2yo decided he could buckle his own carseat.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) September 13, 2022
The most rewarding part of having a teenage daughter is having someone who looks exactly like you, acts just like you but who also finds everything about you absolutely repulsive
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 12, 2022
me: i hope Covid isn’t ruining my kid’s childhood
my kid: mommy!!!! let’s pretend I have covid again!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 14, 2022
My kindergartner told me some of her friends were throwing up the middle finger at recess. When I told her we don’t do that at school she said, “we only curse when someone is driving slow.” And now she’s officially ready for a driver’s license.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 14, 2022
My husband turned on Mambo#5 and my toddler burst into tears and said “Turn it OFF” and crawled into my lap for me to console him. Lou Bega, can you explain this???
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 10, 2022
My child just gave me the last apple slice, then announced loudly, "if you eat the last apple you put the bowl in the sink"
He's 4— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@xennial_mom) September 13, 2022
After nearly 13 years of being a parent, I thought nothing much could surprise me. Then I find my 8 year old eating frozen peas. From a mug. With a spoon.
— threetimedaddy 🇺🇦 (@threetimedaddy) September 12, 2022
Welcome to parenthood. Even if you sanded down your kitchen table it's still gonna be sticky.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 11, 2022
Shout out to all the parents who panic sprayed Febreeze on a gym uniform this morning. You are my people.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 12, 2022
one thing about adulthood i was not prepared for was how many cardboard boxes i'd have to breakdown and throw away all the time.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 14, 2022
My 5-year-old was pretending to do her Wordle with me. As she pushed buttons on her cardboard phone, "yes! I got it!" I asked how she got it so quick. Her, "I have a pretend phone I can do whatever I want." That's fair.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 14, 2022
According to my 5yo “food is not okay to eat if it’s been on the floor for 3 hours” so I guess it’s now the 3 hour rule
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 14, 2022
