The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Aug. 27-Sept. 2)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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madison is such a beautiful name for a square garden
— sara lebow 🫡 (@SlebowSays) August 29, 2022
i just picked up my food from my postmates driver and he said “do me a favor and give me a thumbs up” so i stood there with my food and went 😁👍🏻 but he meant in the app. i’m going to smash my head into a wall
— em 🍓 (@uhhmmily) August 29, 2022
I get it Netflix. I too interrupt people to ask them if they’re still interested
— Heatherhere 😷 (@Heatinblack) August 29, 2022
At the Toulouse airport, just watched a woman try to order oat milk in English for her coffee. Barista kept hearing “hot milk.” Emotions escalated to the point where I had to intervene and explain what oat milk was, and this French man was absolutely pissed to learn it exists
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) August 29, 2022
being a trinket person is all fun + games until it’s time to move
— maybe: agnes (@maybeagnes) August 27, 2022
bf getting a severe nosebleed the same day i get my period? that’s what an ally looks like ladies
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) August 29, 2022
the children on junior bake off keep dropping the cakes on the ground and then screaming “5 second rule!” before frosting them and then serving floor-cake to the judges
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 28, 2022
lifelong friendship is so funny. I once saw you drink four loko out of an ugg boot and now you have a son named Arnold
— Ruth Madievsky (@ruthmadievsky) August 27, 2022
my korean mom loves suffering so much we came to the beach and she said “i’m going to wake up at 5am and run on the sand” and i said “why? you’re on vacation” and she said “because it’s very hard to run in the sand”
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) August 27, 2022
Your 20’s are all about collaborating with your friends on survival
— alexa (@mariokartdwi) August 28, 2022
Why does he look like a character in gossip girl pic.twitter.com/nXLoOWauJ7
— bett*na (@aquantummirror) August 30, 2022
i’m going to start answering the phone by saying “talk to me”
— kim (@therealkimj) August 29, 2022
maybe leonardo dicaprio hated 9/11 so much that he can’t even date women who remember it. did that even occur to you
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) August 30, 2022
i wanna go to jury duty so bad i wanna be in somebody’s business imagine getting selected for Mandatory Nosy Day with like 9 other people
— lea cs (@bigfatmoosepssy) August 29, 2022
hey sorry i actually called shotgun infinity when i was 9 so you have to sit in the back
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) August 29, 2022
The Weird Al biopic being a Roku Original has such 30 Rock energy. This is definitely a film Jack Donaghy would have greenlit. “We’ve got Harry Potter playing Weird Al, Lemon”
— hannah strong (@thethirdhan) August 27, 2022
do you like eggs but simultaneously have to mentally prepare yourself and pray not get the ick for them in the middle of your meal, or are you normal
— Gabby Beckford ⚡️Travel Influencer + Digital Nomad (@packslight) August 27, 2022
when you try to turn your pasta sauce truck slightly before you're ready, that's an acci-dente https://t.co/mQFtSYhv57
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) August 31, 2022
the era where when you dropped your phone and the battery flew out was wild
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) August 27, 2022
taking my first sip of my pumpkin cream cold brew is the equivalent of iron man putting his suit on I’m so serious
— emily (@emilyuribe) August 30, 2022
My startup idea is a company called “I Need a Grown-Up,” and when you open the app, a briskly reassuring woman shows up, seamlessly takes over, and makes you take a nap.
— Audrey Burges (@Audrey_Burges) September 1, 2022
august 31st is such an ominous date… like don’t threaten me
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) August 31, 2022
quebec is wario to france
— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) August 31, 2022
bereal is going to be the reason someone accidentally leaks something extremely confidential from their job and brings their company down
— ruhee 🌱 (@ruhee_w) August 30, 2022
My mom will casually drag someone by saying, “That’s why her kids always had a cough.”
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) August 28, 2022
i love when my cat pushes open the bathroom door the same way a cowboy would bust open the doors to a saloon
— xanax in a cinnabon (ali) (@xanabon) August 31, 2022
well well well if it isn’t me writing all the things from last week’s to-do list on this week’s to-do list
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 1, 2022
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.