The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Aug. 20-26)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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nobody has seen u at your ugliest like your roomates bf who’s name is not even on the lease
— ? (@aliyahInterlude) August 24, 2022
mom and grandma are in a stand-off. my mom said, “you know idris elba” and my grandma responded “jessica alba.” then again, “idris elba.” “jessica alba.” not gonna intervene, wanna see where this goes
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) August 21, 2022
Why are threesomes only for sex why can’t I join in a couples argument if I want to
— C (@HeronChe) August 20, 2022
a bit in love with the way wealthy children describe their mothers’ mental illness & ailments in older books…. it’s always like “we mustn’t bother mother. she’s taken to bed with one of her colorstorms”
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 23, 2022
i look at my friends locations like they’re my little sims
— emma :o (@3mmaL3yva) August 20, 2022
my husband RAN—I mean absolutely sprinted—in from the garden, yelling my name, at 8 am, so he could show me this tomato. happy saturday pic.twitter.com/P1ZI3iQAc6
— Hannah 🧃 (@hannahmsays) August 20, 2022
Mr President what is your plan for cancelling my upcoming AfterPay payments
— Grace (@gracecamille_) August 24, 2022
ma’am just call me icarus because i am getting way too close to your son
— trash jones (@jzux) August 25, 2022
I need three day weekends every week bc I need a day of complete and utter rotting, a day of cleaning, and a day of activities
— Reina Sultan (she/her) (@SultanReina) August 20, 2022
there are two styles available for women right now and they are milkmaid and 90s rave slut
— Marisa Kabas (@MarisaKabas) August 20, 2022
hey did you hear about the student loan forgiveness? it just made me think about how i still wish you could forgive me. i will forever be in debt to you. all those scholarships but the real ship i needed was a relationship. anyway you don't have to respond, hope you're good. pic.twitter.com/q1uZB6uaS5
— claire trần (@clairevtran) August 24, 2022
whenever i switch sleep positions i’m like this one’s gonna be huge for me
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) August 21, 2022
"your credit score has changed" fine. your amelia score has changed
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) August 20, 2022
someone's father is really listening to phoebe bridgers' setlist out loud on spotify 10 mins before she's on stage pic.twitter.com/PRGTMqQUfX
— emma (@phiIosophe) August 22, 2022
No babe i love your mental health issues the people that are healed scare me
— ciara (@normalgirl222) August 20, 2022
Me: Is God real?
Church Youth Group: Here watch this cucumber sing about a hairbrush— Kristina Hart (@edgykristina) August 20, 2022
(dallas city planner voice) just one more off-ramp bro fr seriously just one more please just one more off-ramp pic.twitter.com/JLtTQ2hbgE
— beverage gf (@punishedgarage) August 22, 2022
“I’m not doing this again”
- me, a survivor of 2004, viewing the latest fashions for women— Erin Box 13A Ryan (@morninggloria) August 21, 2022
sorry I haven't watched the tv show you recommended yet! I have been busy rewatching the same tv shows I've seen a million times because my brain is comforted by already knowing what will happen and not having to get to know any new characters.
— Lane Moore👉NYC 9/7, PDX 10/15 (@hellolanemoore) August 24, 2022
bf who leaves early for work, gf who stays in bed and gets a forehead kiss and goes back to sleep for a little bit
— a m a n d a (@remain_inlight_) August 23, 2022
TRES leches? En esta economia??
— ashole (@ImmaterialGhost) August 22, 2022
Tried to watch A League of Their Own with my butch wife who works in manufacturing and the wartime factory scenes gave her an aneurism.
“If it’s a screw factory why are they building planes? If she’s a welder why is she angle grinding? WHO is the floor manager?!”— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) August 24, 2022
Sometimes at parties Im like wow this girl doesn’t seem to like me I should talk to her for 45 min and make plans to hang out
— GiGi (@geneverwhat) August 20, 2022
being a writer doesn’t necessarily mean you write, it just means you don’t know how to do math
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) August 25, 2022
Bf is hunting (pushing the shopping cart) while I am gathering (putting the items in the shopping cart)
— Eve (@evefingdonnelly) August 21, 2022
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.