The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Feb. 18-24)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Having a boyfriend is so awesome like there’s just a guy in ur house whose job it is to know where countries are and what exactly Watergate was
— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) February 20, 2023
You've just ordered Pizza Hut and a 2L Mountain Dew. You've loaded up RuneScape on your PC. No school tomorrow. Your parents don't care if you stay up all night long. A perfect Summer night. You are 39 years old. The year is 2023.
— Alison (@AmericanHussy) February 23, 2023
The lengths we'll go to avoid the metric system pic.twitter.com/DGfAG2GEM4
— Carly Anne York, Ph.D. (@BiologyCarly) February 22, 2023
really rooting for the tab I have open about how to strengthen your hip flexors. hope your time comes, babe.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 23, 2023
Just remembered in 2020 a company paid me to make a video reading twas the night before Christmas for their holiday party and I read it really seductively for no reason and they replied asking for a non-sexy version because there were gonna be kids at the party
— raina (@quakerraina) February 18, 2023
leaving mass and a teenage girl whipped out SETTING SPRAY to put on her forehead over the cross....we live another day <3
— mc nanda (@mcunanda) February 22, 2023
There’s a British murder show about a nun who rides a moped and is a part-time forensic scientist and I feel like maybe everyone needs to calm down
— 🤌🏾 Imani Gandy 👆🏾 (@AngryBlackLady) February 22, 2023
me and my friends when we go on our phones together https://t.co/ogWtyYxiAn
— elle (@itselleokay) February 19, 2023
I know I’d never get sucked into a cult because I loooove telling people no and not leaving my house
— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) February 20, 2023
the drunk dialing of your 30s is consuming too much caffeine then sending your friends unhinged and basically unnecessary voice memos
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) February 19, 2023
ME: i'm only afraid of two things: public speaking and ghosts
[later, on stage]
CROWD: BOOOOOOOO
ME: oh no— erin chack (@ErinChack) February 20, 2023
me after writing one (largely unusable) paragraph pic.twitter.com/r3hK0LUURY
— Emily Saladino (@EmilySaladino) February 17, 2023
I enter Hudson News. I go into a fugue state. I leave with one soda, two magazines, and some crackers I’ve never heard of. I have spent $78. This seems accurate and correct.
— Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. (@clapifyoulikeme) February 23, 2023
i randomly think about how in middle school i didn’t talk at ALL! I did not say one word.. one day, a group of kids gathered around me and were tryna push me to say “hi” i finally whispered “hi” and tell me why they all screamed and cheered LMFAO
— R👗 (@xxoorita) February 18, 2023
A lady at the airport brought her own personal tube of mayonnaise. I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity but she’s my hero. pic.twitter.com/vaBvoZpdWX
— Michelle Collins (@michcoll) February 18, 2023
my friend just found out 1 year into a relationship that her therapist is her boyfriend’s mom
— alli (@sonofalli) February 22, 2023
Calling Lent "Mark Wahlberg's 40-Day Challenge" from now on https://t.co/0AdYsXKYUs
— Ruth Graham (@publicroad) February 22, 2023
I told my 8 year-old niece about Flaco the owl being on the loose in Central Park, and then she spent her entire visit assessing every dog we passed on the sidewalk for whether or not it was at risk of becoming Flaco’s prey. Passing a chihuahua: “That dog is definitely at risk.”
— Julia Carrie Wong (@juliacarriew) February 20, 2023
Someone please tell me this is for something other than a baby conference/infant symposium pic.twitter.com/EipxLFgB9y
— myspace girl numbers station (@sheherzog) February 22, 2023
no babe don’t worry that’s my emotional support ex boyfriend who I text every time a relationship doesn’t work out
— abby govindan (@abbygov) February 22, 2023
I like when a place name just straight up tells you what you’re getting into pic.twitter.com/Lh6SSuITyt
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) February 24, 2023
wait i literally just realized vienna waits for me
— maddie (@fettyschwapp) February 22, 2023
seriously starting think marvel movies are like jury duty for actors https://t.co/9HwGDMEQqo
— anna (@tenderfates) February 23, 2023
Hello Darkness my old friend…
I stood up too fast again.— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 18, 2023
WELL IT IS 6:25 AM TIME TO LOOK UP THE GIRL FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL WHO RANDOMLY WROTE A SHORT STORY WHERE THE NAZIS WERE THE GOOD GUYS AND SEE WHAT SHES UP TO
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) February 21, 2023
Me: ew, who’s calling me? If it’s that important they can leave a voicemail
Me 10 second later: ew, who left me a voicemail??— Iris✨ (@Jest_Iris) February 21, 2023
The historical American Girl dolls from 1999 should come with their own tiny American Girl Dolls pic.twitter.com/zFk6sw8p9C
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) February 22, 2023
I’m not arguing with anyone who has their own picture as their lock screen. I stepped out of line and I apologize.
— taurus girl (@jaxajueny) February 23, 2023