Funyuns & Fireball: Orlando snackers prepare for Hurricane Ian

The track for Ian had shifted, juuuust slightly, at the time of this writing. Tampa was out of the hardcore crosshairs and Venice was in the storm’s ugly scope. Jim Cantore was likely southbound on the Skyway Bridge in a rented minivan. And I had a bag of Funyuns in my lap.

I blame Scott Maxwell.

I don’t think I’ve eaten Funyuns since the last time I drank too much in the Hamptons. And that was a really long time ago. But Scott was among the colleagues, readers and Facebook group folks I’d polled about their hurricane snack plans. Which — if someone from some other less hurricane-prone state is reading this — is definitely a thing.

We are not making light of hurricanes. We know it’s serious. We’re doing all the things. Well, some of us are. But food is love and comfort — which we’ll all need if the electricity goes out. And for some of us, empty-calorie comfort is king. Also, alcohol.

“You’ve got to have some things in mind that are positive and enjoyable during a storm or you will bug out in a hurricane,” says Charles King, the Sentinel’s senior content editor for visuals. He’s weathered storms in both his home states: here and North Carolina.

“My oldest makes a big ol’ mess of chocolate chip cookies before the storm hits and cinnamon buns for the morning,” says content editor Amanda Kondolojy. “We also stock up on bagged popcorn, bananas, apples, stuff for PB&Js, and ... Jack Daniels country cocktails.”

“If we were in a brick-and-mortar newsroom,” my boss texted, “we’d all be doing Fireball shots tonight.”

I work from home. For all she knows I’m doing them right now. (Maybe she is too.)

I was surprised, amid all these boozy responses, that Maxwell — whom I’d interviewed for a bourbon article just three days earlier, didn’t mention this king of American spirits, so in good journalistic fashion, I followed up.

“Well, first of all I have to admit that I have both bourbon and Funyuns at the top of my column for tomorrow,” he told me. “I can’t even remember when I started eating Funyuns. But they are the closest thing to onion rings you can eat without an oven. With enough salt to restock the Gulf of Mexico.”

I LOL’d.

Having an award-winning columnist as a source is the best. In particular when their choice of snacks dovetails nicely with award-winning local chefs.

“I’m a sucker for truffle popcorn. Salt and vinegar chips. Cheese and crackers. Salted peanuts. Allll the salty things,” wrote Se7enbites chef/owner Trina Gregory-Propst when I queried about snacking habits on the Let’s Eat, Orlando Facebook page.

I snapped a couple of pics for her on my last Publix outing, where toilet paper, water and yes, chips supplies, were dangerously low. They didn’t have those neat hurricane-themed cakes I’d spotted online, either. Boo.

They did, however, have dark chocolate-covered malted milk balls. I got some. I ate several in the car on the way home. Ian won’t be here for more than 24 hours.

Chef Tim Keating of both Flying Fish and Urbain 40 local fame, made what he called a “very dangerous stop” at Orlando’s Lotte Market. “Crispy nori-rice bites, insanely good honey mangoes, matcha-laced Kit Kats.”

Nice haul.

“Old Forester is a good emergency snack,” wrote Will’s Pub owner Will Walker. “It won’t break the bank and you can save the fancy stuff for better days.”

Better days at Lil’ Indies, maybe. As of this writing they were set to be open Wednesday, but midday changed tack. We’ll see you post-storm, Indies team!

Snacks from LEO members ranged from sweet to salty to savory:

“It has to be crunchy Cheetos. The only time I eat it is when there’s a hurricane.”

“Vienna sausages and whiskey.”

“Anything that begins with ‘Little Debbie.’”

“Same as my travel snacks. Granola bars, turkey sticks/jerky, licorice, peanut butter pretzels, and chocolate-covered almonds. Bought for my trip in October, but may have to break into it now...”

“Frosted Flakes and chocolate mini donuts!”

“Always have a package of pop tarts!”

“All of the above sounds good, as long as there’s plenty of wine to wash it all down!!”

Luke’s executive chef Jason Campbell was Boy Scout prepared: “Stocked up on charcoal so I can grill out!”

Indeed, more than a few folks planned on cooking, with everything from brownies to smoked duck quesadillas on the menu. And of course, part of hurricane preparedness is getting things out of your freezer, just in case the power goes out.

“I made a big thing of meat sauce the other day, and tonight I used frozen Malaysian parathas to essentially make lasagna paratha quesadillas with hand-shredded mozzarella,” wrote Saboscrivner Louis Rosen.

During my six-year stint in Miami, where I became the sort of jaded Floridian who discusses storm snacks while pulling numbered plywood sheets from the garage, I used to bake fruit pies during storms.

But nearly 20 years in Orlando has changed me.

This time, I’m making turkey legs.

Orlando Sentinel multimedia food reporter Amy Drew Thompson would not pair Funyuns with Fireball. Well, maybe in a headline.

Want to reach out? Find me on Twitter, TikTok or Instagram @amydroo or on the OSFoodie Instagram account @orlando.foodie. Email: amthompson@orlandosentinel.com. Join the conversation at the Orlando Sentinel’s Facebook food group, Let’s Eat, Orlando.