Sure, Trump’s Mug Shot Is Hilarious. But the Best One Belongs to Someone Else.

Conservatives from across the country who are accused of participating in a conspiracy to steal the 2020 election are flocking to the Fulton County Jail in Atlanta this week, as they approach their deadline for surrender. Donald Trump and his 18 co-defendants have until Friday at noon to turn themselves in for arraignment.

A fun side effect of justice being prepared (if not yet served) in this case is a slew of low-def mug shots for some of this generation’s sleaziest, most treasonous attorneys and Republican Party officials. They are unflattering, they are rich with potential for schadenfreude, and if you print them out, they’d make a great game of Guess Who? for resistance Boomers.

But who managed to pose for the best mug shot so far? Let us assess.

For those who have been salivating with anticipation for this image, it may be satisfying to see the leader of this alleged conspiracy treated like any other common criminal. But any such pleasure diminishes with the knowledge that Trump is already selling merch emblazoned with the photo, spinning his supposedly unjust persecution as a point of pride. (The New York Times implied on Friday that, for Trump supporters, this mug shot will be prized in the way of Martin Luther King Jr.’s or John Lewis’.) At any rate, Trump has obviously been practicing his angles for this moment. True to form, he opted to make a classic tough-guy face, with a furrowed brow and mean mouth, as a small act of defiance against the humbling machinery of the justice system. Yeah, yeah, we get it. But against his best efforts, his mug shot contains two reminders of his ultimate demise: His puffed-up hair catches all the harsh glare, shining like a halo, while his skin remains matte and corpselike. Death comes for us all.

*Record scratch.* *Freeze frame.* Yup, that’s Jeffrey Clark. You’re probably wondering how he ended up getting booked on RICO charges for allegedly attempting to overturn the results of a democratic election. Well, he made a little oopsie (allegedly tried to have the Justice Department interfere with the Georgia election results), and now he’s in a real pickle! Clark’s doofy half-smile says, “Oh, brother. Can you believe I ‘pulled a Jeff’ again? Total hot mess over here! Adulting, amirite?”

I hesitate to include this one in the roundup because something tells me it’s one of those cursed chain-letter pictures that brings certain death or derangement upon everyone who views it. But in the spirit of comprehensiveness, here it is: the ecstatic face of a common flack who had absolutely no reason to involve herself in a criminal campaign of sleazy Republicans, yet chose to wriggle her way right into the center of it by allegedly trying to intimidate an election worker falsely accused of fraud. (“You are a loose end for a party that needs to tidy up,” Kutti said, according to body camera footage.) Her brand as an apologist for lowlifes remains strong.

The checkered shirt with a sport coat is a telling choice here. Cheeley isn’t one of these East Coast snobs with their suits and ties. He’s a good old Georgia boy—born, raised, educated, and employed. He simply refuses to dignify the sheriff’s office with a necktie. And he is going to stare deep into the soul of that damn camera like he’s on a billboard for a personal injury attorney. His own namesake law firm—which, yes, specializes in personal injury—bills itself as “Audacious. Tenacious. Respected.” The first two certainly come across in his bulldog stare. Respected, though? Jury’s out.

It tracks that this guy was a fake GOP elector in this alleged conspiracy, because he looks like a non-player character in the world’s most boring video game. (Can you make it out of middle management with only two lives and three Manila folders left?) Still is making his best effort to blend in: His hair matches his suit, which perfectly complements the sheriff’s office mug shot backdrop. He’s pretty sure his indictment won’t affect his political career—he was elected to the Georgia Senate in January 2023, long after his stint as a fake elector, and he might not even be suspended if GOP Gov. Brian Kemp looks kindly on his plight. Still likes his chances, but he’s trying not to rock the boat.

She’s just happy to be here! Hampton never dreamed she’d have the chance to partake in an election-stealing scheme on behalf of the greatest president in American history—and yet, here she is, not only having allegedly facilitated a breach of the voting systems she’d sworn to protect, but being arraigned right alongside the man himself! Everything’s coming up Misty!

Wearing the vacant gaze of the deeply hypnotized, paired with a white, collarless blouse, Powell looks like a member of the chain-smoking doomsday cult in The Leftovers being nabbed for a bout of domestic terrorism. Her forehead is placid and dewy; her grin is slack. Having been red-pilled against the deep state in the way of an internet-illiterate boomer, Powell is a true believer. This mug shot is all part of Trump’s beautiful master plan. There is nothing to fear.

Is this sponcon? Ellis, who somehow, at 38, found her way into this geriatric criminal enterprise, has the blank, dutiful smile and drugstore makeup of a low-level influencer peddling personalized jewelry and tummy tea. It’s the look of a millennial whose primary question after stepping in major legal doo-doo is “How will this fit into my personal brand?” On social media, Ellis has been sharing links to blog posts with headlines such as “Jenna Ellis Absolutely ROCKS Her Fulton County Mugshot”; after the indictment was released last week, she tweeted a quote from a hymn about keeping the faith in dark times—“even so it is well with my soul”—rendered in an Etsy bridesmaid font. Print it on a prison mug!

America’s Mayor is the only indictee to have managed a vaguely threatening look in his mug shot. The barely raised eyebrow, the disappearing lips, the stooped posture, the craggy face, the eyes that have seen some things: He looks like a mobster, and because I am Italian-American, I can say that. Giuliani is telling prosecutors that if they’re not careful, he’ll send his goons all the way to Ritz Carlton HVAC Repair Services to give them the business. Unfortunately, they are already on their way to confiscate his American flag pin.

My dude is absolutely terrified. He’s already thinking about what demeaning nicknames he’ll incur on the cell block. (Cheese Bro is an obvious contender, but I’m sure the incarcerated community of Georgia can do better.) The man in this mug shot gets hives if he even thinks about loosening his tie; he passes out if someone tousles his hair. This photo has captured the fleeting moment of a poorly lived life flashing before a set of eyes. Must have been a fast shutter speed.

Shafer has the shameless, self-satisfied smile of a bit player in conservative politics who has finally wormed his way into a national news story. It’s the face of a martyr who believes that his sacrifice will be handsomely repaid in the afterlife by his creator (Trump). On the platform formerly known as Twitter, where Shafer has been retweeting pleas from various conservative institutions to donate to his legal defense fund, he made his mug shot his new profile picture. The day this photo was taken was the best day of his life, soon to be replaced by the day he is sentenced to prison for his service to Trump.

The most detailed likeness of a ghost ever captured, Latham’s mug shot is severely overexposed—to legal liability! Please clap. (And please donate to Fulton County’s GoFundMe for an upgraded point-and-shoot.) Latham is wearing the unmistakable expression of a person who thought the photographer was going to take the photo after counting to three, instead of on three. She’s still in denial, which explains why she wore a busy patterned blouse to her big photo shoot—a distracting choice—rather than something more refined. The justice system cares not for her flair.

Oy. The mug shot photographer must have had it out for this guy, who, in his photo, has the mien of a middle school math teacher who got busted for some truly heinous crime. Could no one have handed him a comb? Suggested he lift his chin? Advised him to shake off the arraignment jitters and relax a bit? Given him a dress shirt to wear? (Does the Fulton County Jail not have a closet full of spare sport coats, like they do at country clubs or whatever?) It’s a terrible photo, but on the other hand, at least it appears to show a little remorse.

Unlike Giuliani’s glower, Eastman’s glare does not contain the threat of bloodshed. Instead, it is a window into the ragged soul of a man whose brain is playing on a loop the words allegedly spoken to him by Trump adviser Eric Herschmann as Eastman tried to overturn the 2020 election: “Get a great f—ing criminal defense lawyer. You’re going to need it.” Eastman’s photo is a striking example of the violence of bad lighting. As all the light in the photo shines in on one side of Eastman’s face, it creates what one of my colleagues dubbed a “Snapchat make-me-look-like-shit filter.”

Hall saw you from across the lobby of the Fulton County Jail, and he really likes your vibe. He is going to leer at you with that little smirk until you submit to an hourlong explanation of how China hacked into Nest thermostats to fix the 2020 election for Joe Biden, all while he envelops you in coffee breath. Hall’s hulking frame can’t even fit in the photo, but there’s something unnervingly coy about his expression. I believe the term “heebie-jeebies” was invented to describe the feeling it inspires.

Does … does Mark Meadows have pinkeye? Or has he been on a crying jag? Perhaps it’s just that Fulton County golden hour light, blazing in to accentuate every bulge and crevice on the defendants’ faces. Whatever it is, Meadows looks confident and determined to outmaneuver county District Attorney Fani Willis, but his ruddy skin and puffy eyes betray the turmoil within. He really, really did not expect to find himself here.

Have you ever tried so hard not to cry that your eye started to twitch? Mike Roman has. The slight sneer we can detect on his face seems to be masking a panicked scream bubbling up below the surface. One assumes that, as an opposition researcher, Roman thrills at the thought of unearthing mug shots of people he’s out to smear. This photo captures the instant he realized he’s going to have a pasty, unflattering, inescapable image of his own.

Floyd is big mad. The only defendant who didn’t get a bond agreement in advance, he will remain in Fulton County custody until further notice—and, in his mug shot, it shows. As the perpetrator of one of the weirdest alleged side crimes of this entire alleged conspiracy—he brokered a meeting between [checks notes] an election worker falsely accused of fraud and a onetime publicist to R. Kelly and Kanye West—Floyd looks like he thinks he deserved a better deal. C’mon, he’s got connections to royalty! (Donald Trump, and also a onetime publicist to R. Kelly and Kanye West!) Floyd’s squint says, “I full-on (allegedly) assaulted an FBI agent. And you’re holding me for booking a conference room?”

To make this whole ordeal feel even more like a murder-mystery dinner party, here’s a clergyman! This Lutheran minister traveled all the way to Atlanta from the Chicago suburbs in December 2020 to allegedly intimidate an election worker falsely accused of rigging the vote for Joe Biden. Now he’s hoping his clerical collar—which he doesn’t always wear but of course donned for the mug shot—will suggest that he just wanted to offer that election worker some gentle, supportive pastoral guidance. In police body camera footage outside the worker’s house, Lee said he just wanted to “get some truth on what’s going on.” A lot determined and a little disturbed, Lee’s ice-cold eyes say, “The ‘truth’ shall set me free!”

Wild as Trump’s mug shot may be, he’s not the clear winner here. Overall, taking into account expression, wardrobe, lighting, and visible fealty to Trump, it’s got to be Sidney Powell, the respectable lawyer­ turned­ RICO defendant. She’s not showy about it, but she is plainly enjoying the process—the notoriety, the victim complex, the lasting proximity to Trump. In this witch hunt, she is all too happy to burn.