Gladiators is the retro reboot we did not know we needed
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Nineties nostalgia fans: you will go on my first whistle. A new generation of muscular gym rats with silly names: you will go on my second whistle. Gladiators is back, and long-time devotees of the family-friendly, panto-in-PE-kit Saturday tea-time romp are very pleased with the show so far.
Football fans will note the presence of Mark Clattenburg, one-time scene-stealer in the Barclays soap opera, reprising his role of Attention-Seeking Referee here and stepping into the shoes of TV legend John Anderson as the man with the whistle and stripy shirt. Was Clattenburg affecting some sort of vaguely Scottish accent in tribute to the stentorian Glaswegian as he barked out: “Contender ready?” and “Gladiator ready?” It seemed so. Extra points if Clatts was truly going for a “Steve McClaren-does-Dutch”, although it was hard to tell above the excited racket in the Sheffield Arena, where everyone looked to be having a brilliant time.
Also representing the world of football was the splendid Guy Mowbray on commentary duties, managing to more or less keep a straight face as a railway worker from Doncaster was repeatedly bashed upside the head with a giant cotton-bud by a man called Nitro. “Finley taking some almighty blows there,” gasped Mowbray, the first but not the last enjoyably fnarr-fnarr moment of a splendidly camp evening’s entertainment, arguably topped with “Oooh, Myles is in a Gladiator sandwich.” Reaction on social media suggests that a great many viewers would happily take that as a Saturday evening option should it be offered to them.
The show, as it did in its 1990s pomp, manages to be both daft family fare that will have propelled a new generation of kids into whacking each other with sofa cushions and also providing more than a little something for mums and dads.
Presented by father-and-son duo Bradley and Barney Walsh, this is wholesome stuff and an interesting venture by the BBC. The 1990s original was made by LWT for ITV and there was an attempted reboot in 2008 by Sky but that never really got going. It is on at 5.50pm on Saturday and the retro feel of a teatime offering works. All the music stings are hits from a previous era, like I’ve Got The Power, or indeed an era before that: Simply The Best and Another One Bites The Dust. The games are as fun as ever, the pugil stick as mentioned, that one where they have to run the gauntlet of Gladiators with big pillows, and of course The Eliminator at the end, climaxing with what Mowbray called “the iconic Travelator”.
For the Gladiators, this represents a possible route to celebrity that maybe did not quite work out in their first careers. Nitro, by day, is Harry Aikines-Aryeetey, Commonwealth Games gold medal-winning relay sprinter. There is also Phantom (real name: Toby Olubi), who came 18th in the 2018 Winter Olympics in four-man bobsleigh and who, Wikipedia says, once won 12 grand on Deal Or No Deal. All this in just one lifetime, what a CV. Jodie Ounsley (Fury) is deaf and has played sevens rugby for England, an intriguing life story. The rest are fitness instructors, regional-level bodybuilders and whatnot. They all look like a million bucks and all of them have understood the assignment: a lot of posing and OTT mugging for the camera. I am sure their Instagram accounts are going gangbusters. Chapeau especially to Viper (Quang Luong) who is playing the heel and got sent off by Clattenburg for cheating in episode one.
Will there be a breakout star? Jet (Diane Youdale) and Wolf (Michael Van Wijk) were properly famous back in the day and, who knows, the combo of BBC exposure and social media action could yet send one or two of these over the top. If you were a betting person, you would probably tip Legend (real name: Matt Morsia), a fitness instructor from Surrey with the body of a classical statue and the self-awareness of a classical statue. “Legend describes himself as a cross between Gandhi and David Hasselhoff” it was Mowbray’s duty to inform us. Legend himself had the following assessment of his performance: “You are right mate, I was majestic up there.” Indeed you were, young man. Indeed you were.
