Good intentions often aren’t enough
When we were younger, our schools and parents trained us to be of service to others. The practice probably stemmed from our immigrant beginnings. No one around you had any financial or emotional wherewithal to meet a tidal wave of problems that beset the poor and working classes. In response, our own people banded together to meet the challenges as they arose.
In farming communities, in particular, neighbors were long accustomed to coming to the aid of someone who had suffered illness or an accident. Cows don’t milk themselves, nor do crops get harvested by magic. Good hearted neighbors usually stepped in to lend a hand when one was needed.
The whole modern concept of “paying it forward” stems from these kind-hearted origins. Everyone needs a hand now and then and are appreciative of those kind-hearted souls who step in to help.
Witness the actions of the entire community of Southwest Florida, State of Florida and federal government. Collectively, they stepped up to help in dozens of ways, in the aftermath of Hurricane Ian, to ameliorate the suffering of victims and make their lives a bit easier in the struggle to rebuild and recover. A whole lot of “pay it forward” went into that effort.
There is an underside to all of this benevolence of spirit. It is embodied in the cynical reference that you hear often by people who try hard to help, but run into either unappreciative or unlucky recipients. “No good deed goes unpunished,” is a rueful exclamation when someone’s good intentions aren’t enough to answer a difficult problem. The unfortunate person in a jam often directs their ire at those trying to help out.
My wife and I were both raised in large families. It always seemed like the thing to do when the need for helping out either a sibling or a neighbor arose. “That is what Mom and Dad would want us to do,” is our reasoning. That expression is cubed for the lessons that the good nuns instructed us in, to develop in us the rights and wrongs of the universe.
Sometimes though, problematic situations get worse, no matter how much you try to help. The person involved in the struggle is pretty much trying desperately to keep their head above troubled waters. They only see your offer of assistance as another load that they have to carry. So, the blowback that they direct, at a good-hearted soul, is more a cry for help rather than a criticism. Still, we are all human. Critical comments or hard feelings register adversely on the psyche.
I guess we have to come to the realization that trying help someone out is worth the effort, even if you do catch a little flack for the exercise. And letting a family member or neighbor flounder in adversity is never an option. I hope my parents and assorted nuns who instructed me realize how well they taught us.
Joseph Xavier Martin is a resident of Estero.
This article originally appeared on Fort Myers News-Press: Good intentions often aren’t enough
