Governor talks about her late mom, Sonja, for Mother's Day

May 8—She remembers her mother reading her to sleep, a ritual that led to a lifetime of learning and curiosity.

She remembers the instillation of confidence, no matter how hard things would get.

She even remembers the jokes; the strategic placement of rubber snakes in a bed. Just to stir things up.

The life of Sonja Lujan swims in the thoughts of Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham on Sunday; the first time she'll mark Mother's Day without the woman who helped raise her.

Sonja Lujan died of natural causes in hospice care at the governor's mansion in Santa Fe in April. She was 82.

The governor recalled her mother with fondness in a Friday interview, telling stories of a woman blessed with both steely determination and a funny bone.

"My mom had a wicked sense of humor. ... She was a trickster," said Lujan Grisham, who has two grown daughters of her own. She said her own mischievous sense of humor comes from her mom.

But Sonja Lujan's resilience in the face of difficulty also marked her life. She was known as a tireless advocate, not just for her other daughter, Kimberly — who was physically disabled and died at the age of 21 in 1985 — but for other children struggling with emotional, mental and physical disorders that made life more difficult to navigate.

"My mom was always determined," Lujan Grisham said. "You couldn't say no to her. I'm a lot like that. I don't do well with 'no' — particularly if it's about trying to solve a problem and get something done. My mom had zero tolerance for that."

Kimberly Lujan's childhood challenges included a brain tumor and blindness, conditions that pushed her mother into advocacy work. Her efforts to find a pre-kindergarten program for Kimberly in the early 1970s helped fuel the start of New Vistas, a 51-year-old local nonprofit that works to provide an array of services for people with disabilities.

Lujan Grisham recalled taking a cross-country train trip from Lamy to Boston to visit relatives in the mid-1960s, during which Kimberly fell ill and began projectile vomiting. The trip, in some ways, saved Kimberly's life, as she underwent medical care at Boston Children's Hospital. It was care, the governor said, Kimberly may not have gotten in New Mexico at the time.

Despite having to concentrate on ensuring Kimberly was stable, Sonja Lujan found time to comfort her older daughter by reading to her from one of her favorite books — probably one of the Babar the Elephant series — and making her feel "like the most important kid on the planet."

Sonja Lujan, perhaps like many mothers, was not always easy to deal with, Lujan Grisham said.

If she didn't like you — or, say, the guy or girl one of her children was dating — she made it clear.

"You got an evil eye and a pretty swift rebuke to an idea or statement that wasn't based in fact or reality," Lujan Grisham said. "You knew if she was displeased with you, no question about it."

Her mother's honesty could cut to the bone fast and hard, even when it came time for Lujan Grisham, then working as the state's Cabinet secretary for the Department of Health, to announce to her family that she was running for Congress about 15 years ago.

"That's great, count on me!" said Lujan Grisham's father, Llewellyn Eugene "Buddy" Lujan, upon hearing the news.

"That's ridiculous!" Sonja Lujan told her daughter. "You have a perfectly good, stable job here. You need to be here supporting your family."

In her later years, Sonja Lujan lost some of her cognitive skills and was placed in an assisted living facility in Albuquerque. Lujan Grisham, who, like many families could only visit through a window during the COVID-19 crisis, became known for posting Mother's Day comments on her Facebook page that extolled the virtues of her mom.

She said this Mother's Day she will visit with both of her daughters, Erin and Taylor, and "remind them they are perfect and that every single day I have with them is precious.

"The time we have with our parents is precious. In this fast-paced, very difficult world it is far too easy to think there is going to be another chance [to share time with them]."

Asked what she misses most about her mother, Lujan Grisham replied: "That I could just call her anytime I wanted."

Then she added: "No judgment. She was just always worried that I wasn't getting enough sleep. She's a mom. It was always, 'Go to the doctor, get some sleep, take a nap, you have too many wrinkles, what happened to your hair?'

"I could always call her."