Grand Forks man fulfills wishes of couples seeking 'engaging, entertaining' wedding ceremony
Dec. 18—GRAND FORKS — Ben Heit loves a good love story.
And he especially likes to weave the details of these stories into the wedding ceremonies he officiates.
"I love to tell the love story of my couples — how they met, how their first date went," said Heit, of Grand Forks.
The co-owner of the Mexican Village restaurant has been a wedding officiant for about five years, and has carved a niche as someone who conducts wedding ceremonies that are "entertaining and engaging," he said.
He does not adhere to traditional protocols that create a formal or traditional atmosphere.
"My ceremonies are more: you're going to have fun; you're going to be excited," Heit said. "I want my guests to know that they can clap. If it's a funny part, I want them to hoot and holler and have fun."
The couple's love story is the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony, he said. When he interviews engaged couples, he's often charmed by the stories that emerge.
"I love weaving the story back and forth, especially if someone says, " 'Oh, my gosh, the first time I saw her, she was the most beautiful person in the room' and then the other marrier, 'Oh, I didn't even pay attention to him.' So it's really fun when you have that juxtaposition of different stories. It makes it very entertaining; it just makes it so much more engaging with your guests."
And that attention to detail sets the tone for a ceremony that's personal and customized for that particular couple.
Heit became a wedding officiant almost by accident — it wasn't a role he ever considered. He already had a full-time job operating Mexican Village.
But, in 2018, a very good friend asked if he would consider conducting the wedding ceremony for her son and his fiance'. The inquirer knew he'd been a seminary student for a few years, and assumed he "must know something" about weddings.
Heit wasn't so sure he could marry couples. He went online to learn the requirements to become legally ordained as a wedding officiant. Turns out, it's not that difficult, he said.
He submitted his credentials, completed the necessary steps and obtained certification, which is recognized as legal in every state, as well as by the U.S. military, he said. He is ordained by the online Universal Life Church.
He agreed to officiate at the wedding ceremony, as his friend requested, in June 2019. "And I really liked doing it."
Later, it occurred to him that "maybe I could do it as kind of a side gig, with the restaurant — maybe part time," he said.
"And I didn't really think too much about it. I put my name on Google. I built a website," he said. "It was just kind of sitting there, until I went on vacation in Arizona."
By the time Heit returned from a one-week vacation in January, he had received about 12 emails from prospective couples who were planning weddings in fall 2019, he said. "I thought, oh, my gosh, what's going on?"
Because of the response to his website,
, he was booked for every other weekend for about three months in fall 2019, he said.
Altogether, he's officiated about 75 weddings, and is booked for several more this year as well as nine so far in 2024.
Although, four years ago, he was new to wedding officiating, Heit is no stranger to the realm of traditional religious ceremonies.
"All my life I kind of wanted to be a priest," he said. For a couple of years, he attended Cardinal Muench Seminary in Fargo, where he assisted the priest at weddings.
"I really liked the ceremonial part of it — the pomp and circumstance," Heit said.
When the Flood of '97 disrupted his seminary education, and classes were canceled, he returned to Grand Forks to help family members who were grappling with basements full of flood water.
With time to reflect on his future, he decided the priesthood "wasn't quite for me," he said.
As a wedding officiant, Heit focuses his efforts on working with couples, writing a script, and generally helping them plan their wedding day — a process he loves doing, he said.
Before agreeing to serve as officiant, he usually meets with potential clients for about 30 minutes to take a "chemistry check, or vibe check, just to see if I'm their person and if I'm right for them," and whether his officiating style matches their expectations, he said, "because not every couple wants their love story told."
If he does sign on as officiant, "I want it to be their wedding; I want it to reflect them," Heit said. "I'm there just to guide them."
About four to six weeks before the wedding, he meets with the couple for "a wedding workshop," a detailed conversation during which couples respond to about 80 questions, he said. Based on the information he gathers, Heit starts building the script for their wedding day, beginning to end.
He also sends each person a list of five questions — how they met, who proposed to whom, and others — and asks family members and friends for input on the couple. These responses form the basis for the love story he retells in the wedding ceremony.
Along with his certification, Heit also has completed additional training and courses to better serve engaged couples. That training includes certification courses — "Unboring!Officiant" and "Unboring!Officiant: Professional" — offered by the Equality Institute, based in California. He completed 20 hours of instruction, plus hands-on ceremony-writing and business plan implementation.
He learned how to conduct marketing and operational aspects of a wedding-officiating and wedding-celebrant business, how to work with clients and wedding industry professionals with utmost dignity and respect, and how to craft and perform fun, moving, love-story-focused ceremonies.
Instruction also included completion of another certification course to qualify as an LGBTQ wedding expert. Heit is the only officiant or vendor in North Dakota to complete the course, which focuses on the nuances and details relevant to the LBGTQ wedding ceremonies and weddings, including language, terminology, laws and policies, LGBTQ wedding trends and traditions, wardrobe, invitations, marketing and more.
"I'm quite excited to have been part of this course," Heit said. "I want to be known as an officiant that believes in and fosters inclusion. Marriage is the union between two people, the love between two people. I am deeply honored that people trust me in helping them celebrate that union." So far, Heit has conducted one same-sex wedding — the wedding of two grooms in the Twin Cities, he said. "It was so much fun."
"I believe it's important to offer this service because love is love is love," Heit said. "Everyone should be treated equally and inclusively."
