A grateful heart: One woman's decision to live in joy despite limitations

Betty "Jody" McLeary could teach a master's class in gratitude.

After chronic obstructive pulmonary disease forced her to move into a Nowata nursing home two years ago, McLeary chose to accept her circumstances and make the best out of them.

"I have COPD. Two years ago, I went to the hospital because I aspirated on something and almost died. They moved me here and I'm so thankful," McLeary said.

COPD is a progressive and debilitating disease that makes it hard to breathe. It is insidious.

“People may not know that they have a problem with breathing until they’ve lost a significant amount of their lung function,” Dr. Norman Edelman, professor of medicine at Stony Brook Medicine in New York, told Everyday Health in March.

Despite her everyday struggles and living in hospice, McLeary spends each day counting her blessings.

"I am here and I really know that it's not that bad," McLeary said. "We've got nurses and aides who get us our medicine and take care of us. I've met a lot of nice people."

And she has a message she wants others to hear, one that is particularly striking since most people dread the thought of living in a nursing home or going into hospice as she has.

She sent that public message in the form of a Letter to the Editor:

"They call me Jody. I would like to tell you about two special places: hospice and nursing homes. The nursing home to take care of your loved ones when you can’t and you can see them when you want. And hospices to help when they are dying with comfort. They work together.

It's a good home and a lot of people. They have a nurse, medical nurse and aides that help you with what you can’t do. They fix good meals. The people that run these places are very nice and work with you. I’m writing about them (because) not very many people know about them. I’m very thankful for them."

Admittedly, McLeary is partial to Osage Nursing Center in Nowata where she lives. She says the staff there prove to her daily they have her well-being in mind.

And she wants to make sure that any story about her focuses mostly on just how wonderful her nursing home and hospice are.

"I really want people to know that," McLeary said.

Born in Coffeyville, Kansas, she spent her childhood moving to multiple towns throughout Oklahoma and Kansas. Then when she grew up, she did the same while raising a son and daughter and juggling jobs as a machinist, a babysitter, a mechanic, and whatever it took to get by.

McLeary said she simply has made a choice to live with gratitude.

"There are a lot of people here (at Osage) who just want to go home. They don't want to be here," she said. "You just have to let them know that people are here to take care of you."

Gratitude boosts resilience

Traci Sisney, Grand Mental Health regional clinical officer, said people who live life in gratitude are generally more resilient and have better health outcomes than others.

"But it's not easy. It's very hard work," she said. "It really isn't something that you can change in one day or one week."

Sisney said it's all about consistency and working to change maladaptive thought patterns, which therapists are equipped to help with.

"It can be really easy to fall into that negative thought process and thinking patterns and to be unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We recognize that here at Grand Mental Health and we do a lot of work with cognitive behavioral therapy," she said.

The work might be difficult but Sisney said the results are worth it.

"Honestly, sometimes that starts with the smallest of things. Like, "I have the ability to get up and walk today. I have the ability to check my mail or to drive." It may seem silly at first, but it's really about getting into a routine of practicing an attitude of gratitude in all things."

Extensive research on the power of gratitude shows it can have a big impact on your life.

"When we continually stay in this negative head space, we have far less likelihood of having better outcomes. It can exacerbate symptoms of depression or anxiety. It can make decision-making more difficult. It can impact your relationships with other people" Sisney said. "Gratitude doesn't necessarily mean we should passive but it can absolutely have an impact on how we respond to stress and adversity."

"Everyone loves her"

McLeary's choice to be grateful not only affects her, but it spreads to others throughout her life.

She's really one of the ones you come to work for," said Judy Schonherr, who works in the Osage Nursing Center office, "She is a sweetheart. Everyone loves her."

McLeary takes a personal interest in everyone around her. And she almost always has a smile on her face, she said.

"She tells us every day, 'You're so beautiful,'" Schonherr said. "She's just a blessing to be around."

McLeary's son, Charles McLeary, says his mom has always had that optimistic attitude.

"She's always looked at the upside," he said. "My friends at school, we'd always go on field trips and parents would take us in cars. All of my friends and everybody at school wanted to ride with me and my mom."

He said his mom used to live with him and his wife, but they found out the hard way they couldn't give her the care she needs.

"One night she laid there for about three hours while we were at work − she didn't call us because she didn't want to bother us at work, you know − and her oxygen machine had messed up."

After her near-death experience, doctors sent her to the nursing home, which Charles says has made all the difference for his mother.

"Everybody at the nursing home loves her. She makes friends really easy," he said. "I think it has been really good for her. I don't think she would have lived as long as she has if it weren't for the nursing home."

This article originally appeared on Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise: A grateful heart: One woman's decision to live in joy despite limitations