The Great Celebrity Bake Off, episode 5, recap: how smug is Greg Wise? Shame Nicola Adams forgot her boxing gloves
The charity spin-off series reached its conclusion with the winner’s smugness levels hitting an all-time high.
Here are all the talking points from the fifth and final fundraising special.
Was Greg Wise the smuggest baker ever?
Admitting he was “a bit of a swot”, 52-year-old thesp Greg Wise bought in his own home-made damson jam and vodka for his flour-free Berry & Nut Drizzle Cake - cooked to a recipe from his mother’s baking book. With a confident swagger and a tea-towel slung insouciantly over his shoulder, Wise was dubbed “a domestic goddess” by fellow contestant Caroline Flack. He duly got a Hollywood handshake.
By the technical round, making Swan Lake in choux pastry, Wise was chatting away to camera like this was his own cookery show. To the surprise of precisely nobody, he won with a delicately assembled offering.
His showstopper instructions were jotted on the back of a script “because it’s the only paper we have in our house” - surely one of the most metropolitan liberal elite sentences of all time. His gingerbread and chequerboard shortbread was all mixed by hand - “no machines” said Wise, like some sort of Luddite snob - and the Green Man figure was cleverly designed. Paul Hollywood cooed that it was “exceptional”, telling Wise he had “real talent for food” and confessing to feeling “heartbroken it wasn’t perfect”.
Wise dominated all three rounds, so there could only be one Star Baker. Yet he still managed to seem insufferably pleased with himself in victory, advertising Stand Up to Cancer aprons by telling viewers “you won’t look as lovely as me and you won’t have won it”. I was almost wishing that Nicola Adams would knock the smirk off his face. That’s probably not in the charitable spirit, is it?
Plucky Nicola Adams was the people’s champion
She might be Britain's most successful female boxer. She might be reigning Olympic and World Flyweight Champion. She might be so hard that co-host Noel Fielding hurt his hand just touching gloves in the pre-credit sequence. But Nicola Adams is no baker, having never attempted it before. All the more impressive, then, that the Leeds lioness put up such a good fight.
Her Summer Fruits Drizzle Cake was too dense and tasted of baking powder but the judges were astounded when Adams cheerfully admitted it was her first ever cake and she was “winging it”.
“Swan down! Swan down!” she chuckled during the technical. When her choux pastry birds came out all different sizes, Adams shrugged: “All swans don’t look alike.” When Hollywood asked what she’d struggled with, she matter-of-factly replied: “Everything.”
Her showstopper was hilariously proportioned with tiny arms, huge legs and elephantine feet, but it stood up on its own and the vanilla shortbread tasted lovely. “For a first attempt, that’s unbelievable,” said Hollywood. “You should feel very proud of yourself.” Sandi Toksvig argued that since she’d improved so rapidly, Adams should be considered for Star Baker. Steady on.
She remained cool, calm and smiley throughout, quietly cracking on while the others stressed. Adams clearly enjoyed herself and said she’d been inspired to keep baking. The charitable cause was poignantly close to Adams’ heart, too, because her mother Dee is currently fighting breast cancer. Overall, a knockout performance. Get well soon, Dee.
Krishnan ran his arch enemy closest
If Channel 4 ever commissions a sitcom about two middle-aged north London neighbours locked in a bitter feud over whose home-made humous tastes best or who listens to more Radio 4 podcasts, they know who to cast: Greg Wise and Krishnan Guru-Murthy.
Newsreader Guru-Murthy was amusingly consumed with envy throughout this episode, snarling that Wise “grew these hazelnuts by the light of his face” and “Greg’s going to win but he doesn’t have to be so smug about it”.
His own bakes weren’t bad at all and he ran his nemesis closest. When Toksvig “helped” Guru-Murthy flip his Raspberry & Almond Polenta Drizzle Cake, the pair contrived to drop it onto the worktop. Toksvig squealed “You let go!” but competitive Guru-Murthy seemed genuinely cheesed off. Luckily, it turned out not to matter. The cake wasn’t baked properly, hence it falling apart so easily.
He was still chuntering about it well into the next round (“Dropping consistency? Sounds like my polenta cake”) but came second in the technical - behind Wise, naturally. His Chocolate & Orange Biscuit self-portrait showstopper collapsed under its own weight (“I call it breaking news,” quipped Guru-Murthy) yet was superbly flavoured and textured. “Looks hideous but tastes delicious,” decided Hollywood.
Some small consolation for Guru-Murthy as he went home to stick pins in a grinning Greg Wise voodoo doll.
Flack’s footwork was far better than her food
She won Strictly Come Dancing five years ago but there was to be no gateau-based repeat of glitterball glory for Caroline Flack. Despite her competitive streak, TV presenter “Flackers” proved something of a tent flop, trailing home in last place.
Her Sticky Orange, Maramalade and Whisky Drizzle Cake, inspired by an Old Fashioned cocktail, needed more drizzle and flavour. Her choux pastry swans were so flat, they resembled pitta breads. “A Greek lunch,” said Toksvig, while Hollywood, ever the petrolhead, preferred “F18 fighter wings sitting on a surfboard”. Flack didn’t seem to mind, too busy adjusting her hair and lippy mid-bake.
Her Orange & Rosemary Biscuit showstopper was the highlight. Aiming for a self-portrait in a tiered gown with candyfloss hair, she produced something that looked like a deformed Disney villain with troll-like features and a pin through its nose. Hollywood seemed genuinely scared of it and frankly we don’t blame him. Flack-enstein’s monster, anyone?
Davina’s appeal film was powerfully raw
In a change of gear from the usual VTs, this week’s appeal film was called “The moment cancer changed everything” and saw much-loved TV presenter Davina McCall recounting the day in 2012 when her beloved big sister Caroline was diagnosed.
Having arrived at A&E thinking she’d had a stroke, Caroline was told she had terminal lung cancer which had spread to her brain and bones. She went from diagnosis to death within mere days, with Davina at her bedside as she passed.
There was no footage or family photos. Just Davina in stark close-up on a black background, telling the story solo. As she became weepy, many viewers at home would have done likewise. McCall was using her fame for all the right reasons. Please do donate if you can.
Weakest line-up and worst episode of series
This last batch of famous bakers was the five-parter’s lamest line-up, notably lacking a comedian to add laughs and levity. It was a shame all the stand-ups appeared early in the series and couldn’t be spread evenly throughout.
This episode was still charming and watchable, of course, but also lacked jeopardy because the victor was a foregone conclusion from the first round. As Fielding said to the three defeated bakers: “It was close! OK, it wasn’t close.”
Rare winner of style wars
Who took the final in-tent fashion prize of the series? Unlike the Star Baker result, it was a tough call because they were all as bad as each other.
Prue Leith was sporting Superman colours, with a red top beneath a blue smock and contrasting necklace. Toksvig opted for a strange military-meets-sci-fi blue top with pink piping, looking like a camp Tron. Fielding’s ensemble was even weirder: a colour-blocked jumper with Mr Man-style cartoon sad face. Viewers can be forgiven for thinking they’d flipped to CBeebies by mistake.
The unikely winner, then, was Hollywood for his maroon shirt, which at least made a change from black or blue. Award yourself a handshake, Mr Hollywood.
