The greatest movie cats of all time

Originally published on GamesRadar

March 8, 2023, 11:30 AM

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Antonio Banderas' voices the eminently flamboyant sword-swinger, with the swashbuckling kitty proving popular enough to carry his own movie last year. Bravo, senor. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Are you familiar with the cartoon, Dogtanion? It'd be something like that. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A giant, talking cat that delights bored kiddies Sally and Conrad. Wed probably be terrified if we were them, but it takes all sorts </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> The dog with the log no, it wouldn't work. </p>

<p> <strong>As Seen In:</strong> <em>Fritz The Cat </em>(1972) </p> <p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A foul-mouthed, drug-taking serial sh**ger, Fritz is one cool cat. Not that the censors took kindly to his hedonistic ways, slapping the film with the first X certificate ever given to an animated film. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> He might not have been such a rabble-rouser. Dogs are too happy chasing their tails to offend anyone. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The trumpet-playing jazzman (voiced by the legendary Scatman Crothers) is leader of a gang of musical alley cats. The best kind of alley cats, if you ask us. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Scat Cat plays the trumpet. Show us a dog claiming to be able to do the same, and well show you a liar. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cats:</strong> A pair of tiger cubs, separated at birth and then inadvertently forced to fight each other later in life by Guy Pearce's unscrupulous explorer. Hes a bit of a meanie, in case you hadn't guessed </p> <p> <strong>If They Were Dogs:</strong> The film would be relocated to East London, with Danny Dyer replacing Pearce as a cheeky cockney chancer trying to make his fortune in the underground dog-fighting scene. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A hairless cat, posing as a puppy in her role as an undercover spy for the cats. Voiced by Bette Midler, shes a nasty piece of work </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> She could pose as a hairless cat, and spy for the other team. Simple. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Family moggy Snowbell is none to thrilled when Geena Davies and Hugh Laurie bring a mouse into the family and start treating him like a son, dressing him in human clothes and generally acting like a pair of fully paid-up nutters. You're better off without them, Snowbell. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> He and Stuart probably would have got on OK, but cats are a jealous breed. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The friendly little critter who helps keep Blomkvist company when he moves into his new lodgings in Uppsala. Sadly, it falls foul of a sadistic killer and ends up in bits. Bummer. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> It might have been able to defend itself. Cats aren't much for fighting off knife-wielding maniacs. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A malnourished neighbourhood cat, scooped up by Ryan Goslings affable junkie despite Frank's (Anthony Mackie) insistence that he not bring that inside my house. The scene was an improvised addition from Gosling, proving the man really can do no wrong. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> It wouldn't look quite so quirkily enigmatic had Gosling slung a retriever under one arm. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A horrible, fleshy sphinx cat favoured by Dr. Evil. Once a long-haired Persian cat a la Blofeld's, the cryogenic freezing process has left him utterly hairless. Poor little bugger. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> He'd run the risk of mistaking Mini-Me for a fire hydrant. The results would be disastrous. </p>

<p> <strong>As Seen In:</strong><em> The Ghost And The Darkness</em> (1996) </p> <p> <strong>The Cats:</strong> A pair of man-eating lions, legendary for their blood-spilling prowess. It takes the combined efforts of Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer to bring them down, and even their skeletons are enough to get the flesh crawling. As the films narrator puts it, if you dare lock eyes with them, you will be afraid. </p> <p> <strong>If They Were Dogs:</strong> The problem could quickly have been solved with a can of Winalot and a rifle. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Tonto is the feline companion of Art Carney's elderly widower who decides to embark upon a cross-country road trip after being evicted from his flat. Poor Tonto ends up on a lead, being walked to within an inch of his life. Cheers Harry. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> It would probably be glad of the exercise. There's just something wrong about putting a cat on a leash. </p>

<p> <strong>As Seen In:</strong> <em>The Simpsons Movie </em>(2007) </p> <p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The long-suffering and perennially downtrodden cat belonging to the Simpsons. Not as well-loved as Santa's Little Helper, which might explain her baleful expression. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> There's only room for one pooch in the Simpson household. Even Laddie the wonderdog wasn't allowed to stay for long. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A cat-like alien who is forced to befriend some real-life, no-fooling cats in order to help him get back to his home planet. Every bit as daft as it sounds </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> A loveable pooch could have recruited some helpful humans to get him back home in a jiffy. People are naturally mistrustful of cats, which made the whole process more arduous </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The sneeringly sinister villain of this CGI caper, Mr Tinkles has a devious plan to overthrow the canine population, by making all humans allergic to dogs. The cunning devil </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> When did you ever hear of a dog trying to conquer the world? Hed be happy with a bone and a blanket, like the rest of them. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Gargamel's pet kitty is a nasty piece of work, accompanying the dastardly wizard in his attempts to destroy the little blue folk. Were not ones for booing cats, but in this case well make an exception. Booooo! </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Villains never seem to keep dogs as pets. Were sure Gargamel might have been a friendlier sort had somebody bought him a puppy to play with as a child. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Okay, so the movies might be pants, but there's no denying the bizarre appeal of having Bill Murray voice a self-serving layabout moggy. Pity this one didn't get the script it deserved. Or the CGI. Or the human actors </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Recasting Garfield as a dog would have been one way of making this even less enjoyable </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The all-powerful lion who goes head to head with Tilda Swinton's wicked White Witch. Bit of a messiah complex, but we wont hold that against him. </p> <p> <strong>If He Was A Dog:</strong> As loveable as mans best friend undoubtedly is, it would be difficult to turn him into a figurehead behind which to rally the forces of good. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> An extremely proud lion (one voiced by Sylvester Stallone, no less), Joe is dead against speaking to Kevin James in this godawful comedy. And to be honest, who can blame him? </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> He'd be yapping away to James like nobody's business. Not very discerning, those dogs </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Mittens is a street-savvy alley cat, who bullies the local pigeons out of their food and shows Bolt how to play the cute critter card to garner attention from sappy old humans. Smart cookie. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> We wouldn't be treated to the odd-couple dynamic that drives the narrative forward. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Oliver is a homeless kitten who throws his lot in with a gang of street dogs in this pet-based riff on Charles Dickens <em>Oliver Twist</em>. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Having a human man rely on a pack of dogs to clear his debts would just be ridiculous. A pack of dogs and one cat however </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Sassy is the feline element in <em>Homeward Bound</em>s two dogs and a cat arrangement. Bizarrely, the trio all seem to get on rather well together. Not how wed been led to believe the dynamic works at all. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Yawn! Who wants to watch a film about three missing dogs? No one, that's who. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Hermione's temperamental moggy might seem a bit of a pain in the backside to Ron and Harry, but it is he who first senses something amiss with Scabbers the rat. Just call it animal intuition </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> It might have tried to mate with Sirius. Lets move on, shall we? </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> This wise old cat lives at Morningside Orphanage and tips off the rescuers to the plight of the orphan Penny, who has been kidnapped by Madam Medusa. Bloody snitch </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> They probably wouldn't have taken a dog seriously, but a learned, spectacle-wearing cat is another matter entirely. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Rooster Cogburn's feline companion was sadly omitted from the recent remake, denying Jeff Bridges the chance to deliver the classic line: He don't belong to me cats don't belong to nobody. He just rooms with me. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> There's not a dog alive that could keep up with Cogburn's hard-living ways. Cats on the other hand, are very partial to the occasional tot of grog. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Alex the lion is one of the merry band who escape New York's Central Park Zoo and end up shipped back to Africa. He has a wonderful singing voice, as anyone who has listened to his rendition of New York New York will attest to. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Central Park Zoo would have hit upon hard times indeed. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> If Baloo brings the joie de vivre to the party, Bagheera the panther is the brains of the outfit. Smart, haughty, loyal and loving, as all good cats should be. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> You don't get many dogs in the jungle. He might seem a bit out of place. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The baby leopard who ends up as a kind of surrogate child to Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant in this screwball comedy. Hey, there are worse homes you could end up in </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> The whole plot would go out of the window. Other than that, it would probably work. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> A Siamese tomcat who ends up as a secret agent for the FBI, helping them to foil the exploits of a gang of bank robbers. They would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for that darn cat </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Dogs are a bit too enthusiastic for undercover work. Sorry, Fido. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Stephen Fry voices the psychedelic cat in Tim Burton's lush adaptation, and his lazily undulating form is probably the one part of the film in which the 3D effects really work. The rest of the film might seem oddly flat, but the Cheshire Cat is a tactile treat. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Dogs aren't as enigmatic as cats a canine version wouldn't work half as well. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cats:</strong> A pair of born troublemakers, the Siamese duo Si and Am constantly try to drop Lady in the sticky stuff, eventually getting her muzzled over a perceived fight. What a pair of rotters. </p> <p> <strong>If They Were Dogs:</strong> They would have welcomed Lady with open paws, which wouldn't have been half as much fun. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cats:</strong> They're the inquisitive moggies who lick the stricken Selina Kyle back to life, allowing her to become perhaps the slinkiest feline of all Catwoman. </p> <p> <strong>If They Were Dogs:</strong> Dogwoman no, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it. </p>

<p> <strong>As Seen In:</strong><em> The Adventures Of Milo And Otis</em> (1986) </p> <p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Poor old Milo falls into a river, separating him from best friend Otis, a dog. Thankfully, Otis a faithful mutt and sets off on a cross-country trek to find his furry pal. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> If the boot was on the other foot, you just know the cat would watch the dog sail off into the distance before sloping back home to the fire. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Lucifer belongs to the ugly sisters in this seminal Disney flick, and sets about chucking various spanners in the works by attempting to snaffle Cinderellas rodent helpers. He was never going to turn out well with a name like that, was he? </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Cinderella would have spent so long cleaning up after him, shed never have made it to the ball in time. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Boris Karloff's Satanist lets his black cat out on the prowl to terrify the cat-phobic Bela Lugosi in this Universal horror classic. A supremely creepy kitty. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Lugosi wouldn't have had anything to be scared about. Apart from all the Satanism, obviously </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Figaro is Gepetto's tuxedo cat, who enjoys a love-hate relationship with fellow pet Cleo, a goldfish, until the two are reconciled at the close of the film. See, even a cat can admit when its wrong. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> He'd have gnawed Pinocchio's limbs to pieces before he'd made it out of the house. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> The beloved pet of Robert De Niro's fearsome patriarch, which makes it all the more disastrous when Ben Stiller loses him. Spray-painting a random stray just wont cut the mustard. </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Would Stiller propose milking a dog? Probably, given the rest of the script. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Arguably the most fiendish feline on the list, the regal Shere Khan wants to learn mans secret of fire, and will go to any lengths to get it. Know your place, Tibbles! </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> Mowgli could have thrown a stick one way and made his escape through the other. </p>

<p> <strong>The Cat:</strong> Lune is the Prince of the Cat Kingdom, who offers his hand in marriage to the young girl who saves him from becoming roadkill. So unfolds another gorgeous fantasy from the Studio Ghibli team </p> <p> <strong>If It Was A Dog:</strong> The little girl would have politely declined the offer, and got herself a tetanus jab. </p>

We check out the greatest movie cats of all time

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