Grief is a normal emotion, but it can be overwhelming. Here are tips for living with it

Stephanie Innes, Arizona Republic
·3 min read
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Mental Health America, a national nonprofit organization that has a goal of promoting mental health as a critical part of overall wellness, says coping with death, whether it's the death of a relative or friend, is vital to mental health.

The best thing anyone can do is to allow oneself to grieve, the group says.

The group offers tips for doing that in an effective way:

  • Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.

  • Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.

  • Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.

  • Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.

  • Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major decisions, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.

  • Be patient.It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

  • Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

The difference between grief and prolonged grief disorder

Hospice of the Valley Arizona, a nonprofit hospice organization that operates grief support groups, has several other tips for living with grief, including having a daily plan, keeping things orderly in your personal world to avoid feeling overwhelmed, eating a healthy diet, limiting the amount of television you watch and doing what you are able to avoid isolating from others.

Mara Goebel, Hospice of the Valley bereavement services manager, says grief is a normal human response to the pain of losing someone. In cases of what she calls "uncomplicated bereavement," people may feel forever changed but they do find meaning in their lives again.

"For others, the loss of a loved one can make life feel meaningless — even unsurvivable," she said. "They struggle to experience anything but those debilitating feelings, long after the death of their loved one. This is, or could be, prolonged grief disorder."

What is prolonged grief disorder?

Prolonged grief disorder was recently added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is a volume published by the American Psychiatric Association that defines and classifies mental disorders. The disorder may happen when someone close to the bereaved person died at least 12 months earlier, or at least six months earlier for children and adolescents, according to the definition of the disorder.

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Leaders with the national association of psychiatrists say that including prolonged grief disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental disorders means that mental health clinicians and patients and families will be able to have an understanding of what normal grief looks like and what might indicate a long-term problem.

“If you’ve recently lost someone close to you, it’s very important to check in with yourself. Grief in these circumstances is normal, but not at certain levels and not most of the day, nearly every day for months. Help is available," Dr. Vivian Pender, American Psychiatric Association president, said in a written statement.

The American Psychiatric Association lists the following as symptoms of prolonged grief disorder:

  • Identity disruption (e.g., feeling as though part of oneself has died).

  • Marked sense of disbelief about the death.

  • Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead.

  • Intense emotional pain (e.g., anger, bitterness, sorrow) related to the death.

  • Difficulty moving on with life (e.g., problems engaging with friends, pursuing interests, planning for the future).

  • Emotional numbness.

  • Feeling that life is meaningless.

  • Intense loneliness (i.e., feeling alone or detached from others).

Reach health care reporter Stephanie Innes at Stephanie.Innes@gannett.com or at 602-444-8369. Follow her on Twitter @stephanieinnes.

This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: How to deal with grieving the loss of a loved one