When Grief Snuck Up On Me While Holiday Shopping at Hobby Lobby

Amanda Smith
christmas tree decor at hobby lobby

Today we went to Hobby Lobby. We hadn’t been in awhile and we wanted to get some coffee, and gander through the Christmas section. As we made our way through we were having a fun time. We looked at ornaments, decorations and garland. Then, we hit the aisle;  the tiny Christmas tree and tiny ornaments aisle. You see, each year we put out a small Christmas tree at the cemetery for Robby.

When you lose a baby, holidays are tough. As we stood in that aisle looking at all the small decorations for the tiny trees, Delphine pointed out things and said, “Would Robby like that?”

As we were looking, I started to cry — not just a tear, but full on crying.

I cried because I miss Robby.

I cried because I have to stand at Hobby Lobby and guess what he might like as a little 7-year-old boy.

I cried because it’s not fair.

Related:What It’s Like to Experience Memory Loss With Grief

I cried because sometimes grief just sneaks up on you.

In the past I would have gone to the bathroom to compose myself. In the past I would have tried to dry my tears so that I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable.

But not today.

Today I stood in that aisle and I cried. Why? Because it is OK to cry.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but if you are missing your baby, it is OK to cry. It doesn’t matter if it has been 30 minutes, seven days or 30 years.


Read more stories like this on The Mighty:

The 4 Steps I Take to Continue Living While Grieving

The Important Role My Husband Plays as My Grief Partner

How Life Will Never Be the Same After Losing a Child

4 Things I Learned About Grief After My Dog Died

Grappling With 'After' While Grieving the Death of My Adult Child