Guest column: Being a Black father takes on a different responsibility

There is no greater privilege that I have been given than to be the father of my two boys (22) and (18). Whereas some may view parenting as a burden (and at times it is), from the moment they were born, there has been no accolade, award or honor that I have received that has superseded the honor of being their father.

Although many aspects of fatherhood are universal, being a Black father takes on a different responsibility. Some will say fatherhood is the same regardless of race, class or background, but I would contend that is simply not the case.

Black fatherhood carries with it a different outlook and a different paradigm. When my sons were born, I had as much fear and concern as I did joy and excitement. Yes, on one hand, I was excited because I would be able to play ball with them and take them to compete in sports. I was elated because now I have someone to watch sports with and debate who was the greatest basketball player in NBA history (Michael Jordan, just in case you wanted to know). But I was also filled with fear and concern, because I know that Black boys/men are too often vilified, stereotyped and criminalized in American culture.

I was excited, but I was also filled with fear because I know that historically the images and portrayals of Black boys/men in the media shape how they are seen in different spaces. My fear was rooted in the legacy of Black boys being brutalized, lynched and shot mercilessly.

In our house, we talked about Emmitt Till, James Byrd, Travon Martin, George Floyd, Michael Brown and so many others. With both of my boys, I remember having the “talk” with them about how to conduct themselves in different situations. Every Black father who is conscious knows what the “talk” is and how crucial it is for the survival of a Black boy. There are some lessons that transcend race, but the reality is that as Black fathers, we have to lean in at a different angle at times, because our sons' lives depend on it.

In light of these conversations, I wanted to make sure that my wife and I were not raising young Black men with a victim mentality, but rather with a spirit of resilience. We wanted them to know that they come from a legacy of Black men — like Booker T. Washington, W.E.B. Dubois, Marcus Garvey, A. Phillip Randolph, Dr. King, and Thurgood Marshall — who, in spite of systemic structures that are too often biased and prejudiced against Black men, have to rise every day ready to make their mark in the world.

My favorite quote that they have heard me use in my sermons over the years comes from Howard Thurman, a Black theologian who wrote, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go and do that, because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”

I want my sons to come alive with the strength of God and the prayers of their ancestors. I stressed to them the importance of education, faith, self-awareness, service and commitment to your dreams.

I am proud of my boys every time they achieve or reach a goal they have set for themselves. Celebrating them is just as important as guiding them! Watching them grow and learn how to navigate life is exciting for my wife and I, because we know the world that they were birthed into. So if I am asked if I am proud to be a Black father, my response would be absolutely, YES! They are me and I am them!

The Rev. A. Byron Coleman III is the longtime senior pastor of Fifth Street Baptist Church in Oklahoma City and an adjunct instructor in the Clara Luper Department of African/African-American Studies at the University of Oklahoma.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Guest column: Black fatherhood carries a different outlook