Guest is looking for a polite way to ask for a second round of food

Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Callie Athey and Helen Ford Wallace
·2 min read
3
Be sure everyone has been served before you think about seconds.
Be sure everyone has been served before you think about seconds.

QUESTION: Recently at a work event, they served lunch. I've wanted to work on my manners, but I can't find the right etiquette answers for: If still hungry, should a lady ask for seconds? What about at a friend's home?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Of course, you can have seconds if you're still hungry.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: At many events, the lunch is plated and served. In that case I wouldn’t ask for seconds unless there is a basket of, say, bread on the table, and not everyone took a roll. After everyone has had a roll, then you can sometimes ask for a second one. Usually, they have enough food for the number of people who are attending and not seconds.

If it’s a smaller work gathering, wait for everyone to go through the line, and if the food is sitting out and you aren’t disrupting a speaker to get more, then I think you’re OK to go for it. In all of these situations, take your cues from the hosts, the servers and other guests to decide.

Also, be sure everyone has been served before you think about seconds. In a friend’s home, it depends on how formal the dinner is and whether the food is served buffet-style or coming from the kitchen already plated. I think you have to go with instinct here and make sure you’re not taking food from other people and that seconds are an option. If not, you might have to settle for a snack at home.

HELEN’S ANSWER: At your work event, you could look around to see if 1) They are offering seconds, and 2) If anyone is taking them up on it. If you are still hungry, by all means, take a little more. At your friend’s house, if the food is offered, feel free to enjoy the friend’s cooking.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Adrienne Nobles, President-Elect, Junior League of Oklahoma City: I'm unsure if there are any "hard and fast" etiquette rules for these situations; however, I will share how I would manage these situations given my experience. At a work event, the catering is often carefully planned and orchestrated. If the meal is served as a buffet, the solution is easy: go for seconds as available. If the meal is plated, I would not recommend asking for seconds as that is likely difficult for the catering and wait staff to accommodate.

At a friend's home, it is very likely the host will offer seconds, if available. If you aren't sure, you could say something like, "That dessert was delicious! I wouldn't say no to another bite of it." It's a friendly way to compliment the chef and cue an offer of another serving. One more caveat: I would give this advice to any person ... not just a lady!

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: 20-40-60 etiquette: Is it okay to ask for more food around others?