Are You Guilty Of Financial Cheating?
The concept of betrayal and treachery in romantic relationships is nothing new. There are emotional affairs and certainly physical ones. Whether you’ve experienced this infidelity personally or have witnessed a friend or family member go through it, it happens often enough that the signs are common, consistent and clear. There are warning signs and red flags people know to avoid. Cheaters are regarded unfavorably. But there are other ways to be disloyal and even unfaithful in a romantic relationship, including financial cheating.
Check out the signs of financial infidelity and see if you see yourself in some of these behaviors.
21Ninety spoke with financial specialist Jamilah N. McCluney of Black Wealth Financial about the subject. McCluney explained exactly what financial cheating is, why it can cause damage in your romantic relationships, and how you can stop financially cheating if you are perpetuating some of these behaviors.
Financial infidelity features some of the same types of elements associated with other types of infidelity. “Financial cheating involves keeping financial or money secrets,” McCluney explains. “These secrets involve keeping information about debts, spending, and anything else that would prove detrimental or harmful to the financial security of your relationship, away from your partner.”
Financial Cheating Behaviors
The predominant quality associated with financial infidelity is secrecy and dishonesty. This could look like someone lying about their ability to provide financially, according to McCluney. It could include “consistently borrowing money, hiding purchases and not being truthful about their financial circumstances when asked.”
Damage to Relationships
As you can imagine, secrets and dishonesty are recipes for disaster in any intimate relationship. Dishonesty takes away a person’s agency because what they believe about the relationship they’re choosing to participate in, is based on lies. And when the truth of the cheater’s behavior comes to light, it threatens not only the emotional aspects of the relationship, it can cause even more money problems.
“Financial cheating can put immense pressure on the relationship, especially if one person is as a result being held financially responsible for the bills and necessities,” McCluney said. “In a marriage, certain financial moves can directly become the financial responsibility of the other spouse and damage his/her credit or spending capabilities.”
Causes of Financial Cheating
With all of the drama, damage and distrust that financial infidelity could potentially cause, you may wonder what causes people to be so dishonest about money in the first place. McCluney says the socialization around money has something to do with it.
“Money is personal and private and difficult for most to discuss openly and honestly. There’s a fear of judgment that comes along with being transparent about your financial shortcomings or failures that encourage people to remain silent and keep secrets,” McCluney said.
How to Stop
If you find that you relate to the signs and behaviors associated with financial cheating, and want to be more honest and transparent with your partner, McCluney has some suggestions. First, be honest with yourself. Acknowledge that you’ve been a financial cheater.
Second, open up to your partner.
“Openly discussing your financial concerns, and position, can help you find the support and vulnerability you need to work through your financial issues with your partner,” McCluney said.
If you’re having trouble starting these potentially difficult money conversations with your partner, McCluney has developed a game to help break the ice.
“For the Love and Money” is a card game to build connections and understand your partner’s thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about money.
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