'Hate is so much easier than work': Chasten Buttigieg speaks about LGBTQ+ advocacy

This is not the Chasten Buttigieg that people remember from the 2020 presidential campaign. Back then, the middle-school drama teacher, originally from a small town in northern Michigan, was soft-spoken, but funny, smart but overshadowed by his charismatic husband, South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg, now U.S. Secretary of Transportation.

These days, Buttigieg, a New York Times best-selling author of "I Have Something to Tell You: A Memoir," is a something of a media star in his own right. Not a celebrity, however, driven by ego, but rather by an authentic urge to help, especially those who, like himself as a youth, have found it hard to fit in.

On the evening of May 23, before a crowd of perhaps 100 at Central Presbyterian Church, Buttigieg was interviewed by author Becky Albertall about coming out and being true to himself, also about his home life as a parent of twin toddlers, and his unexpected role as spokesman for those who feel out of place in an increasingly divisive world.

When the event, which was part of a 20-city intermittent "book trail" to promote his adapted "I Have Something to Tell You: For Young Adults," opened up to questions and answers, Buttigieg played ardent listener and empathetic healer.

"Take care of yourself," he told the teachers, counselors, parents, and LGBTQ+ allies who shared their stories. "I depend on good friends and good cupcakes."

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The wit and wisdom of Chasten Buttigieg

At Central Presbyterian, Buttigieg glided easily, thoughtfully from one topic to another:

• "I feel like my grandmother is watching me in church, saying, 'Be on your best behavior.'"

• "I miss my kids terribly. They bring so much clarity and love into your world."

• "I've definitely got that 'tired dad' energy. Yes, I'm a theater nerd dad."

• "It's so cool to get to be the person you wanted to be."

• On meeting Oprah: "I melted. I thought I was going to break the champagne glass. She walks into the room and says: 'Chaaasten!'"

• "I wish I could go back and hand this book to young Chasten. We did not talk about gay people."

• "In all my work as an advocate on television, I focus on things that I can speak about from experience."

• "Advocacy does not feel like work as long as it's about things that align with my authentic self."

• "It's a hard time for the community. Hate is so much easier than work."

• "I consider myself politically adjacent."

• "Teachers are under attack from politicians that wouldn't last a day in the classroom."

• "We are backsliding in this country. I'm so glad we did not have social media when I was young. There are so many people telling you that you're unworthy."

• "Come out on your terms. You don't owe anybody anything. I thought I would lose everything, I was so caught up in other people's opinions."

• "A 10-second conversation every parent should have with their child once a year: 'We just wanted you to know that we will love you unconditionally no matter who you turn out to be.'"

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An author and dad at ease in Austin

It should be made clear that, during the 90 minutes of the book-tour event — as well as later, during a dinner party, hosted by former Austin Mayor Steve Adler and former Austin first lady, Diane Land, as well as veteran conversational guides Steven Tomlinson and Eugene Sepulveda — the name of Pete Buttigieg came up but a handful of times.

Buttigieg's two Austin appearances, after all, were not about political showboating. At time same time, he matches his husband's uncanny ability to engage with tough social, cultural and political subjects with unwavering grace and humanity.

During the dinner for 14, Buttigieg repeatedly said how much he feels at home in Austin. He and his family now live in the Washington, D.C., area.

The subjects introduced around the long table ranged from a new independent bookstore in the Hyde Park neighborhood, First Light Books, to workshops organized by Professor Marlon Johnson that addressed race and mental health at the Episcopalian Seminary of the Southwest.

Yet the discursive chat returned repeatedly to the public challenges to the LGBTQ+ community in this country during recent months. Stubborn hope was a recurring theme.

As Buttigieg said earlier at the emotionally charged public event: "Everywhere, I run into big-hearted people rolling up their sleeves, willing to do the work. I am heartened by that."

This article originally appeared on Austin American-Statesman: Author, teacher Chasten Buttigieg speaks about gay rights, fatherhood