Heads up to Palm Springs-area folks who want Mississippi River water: We're in drought, too
Hi Palm Springs, Minnesota here once again.
It’s been a while since we wrote to you, sorry about that. I know many of you are eager to continue our discussion about water. Recent events have been a little distracting though; my wife and I used to live in Foresthill, California, and the harrowing ordeal that little town has been through in the massive Mosquito Fire has been much on our minds.
Okay, enough seriousness, back to sarcasm and incisive social commentary. Regarding the water situation, I have some great news. We have been listening attentively to ideas presented by folks in your area about diverting the Mississippi River to fix problems with water shortages due to rampant over-development. We note especially references to advanced notions about modifying the planet such as have been applied in China, thanks to the convenience of being able to eliminate red tape and quash dissent around silly environmental concerns in an authoritarian state.
Well, it finally seems to be sinking in. As you may be aware, Minnesota has been experiencing a doozy of a drought; we just had the driest September on record in fact. There is talk of water rationing, and, can you believe it, there have even been sprinkler bans. Farmers are very concerned for some reason, too.
We couldn’t figure out what to do, but then, suddenly the solution presented itself. Take a page out of China’s book ... turn off the river! We don’t have a water shortage at all! We have tons of water! We just keep shipping it south! All we have to do is turn off the Mississippi, which, after all, starts up here so the northern part of it is pretty much our river anyways, and viola, problem solved!
We do realize, of course, this presents problems for others downstream, and does kind of throw a wrench into your plans to move the river a little to the west. Sorry about that. We just wanted to give you a heads up and suggest you might want to think about stocking up on bottled water. And by the way, sorry about the Coral Mountain water park getting nixed, but this in view, it looks like that was a good decision.
One final note, several folks have asked if I've ever been to Palm Springs for a winter vacation and sampled the water; sadly, no. But if anyone gets a hankering for dog-sledding or pond hockey, come on up! The water's frozen that time of year, and the levels are way down, but you can't have everything.
John Connerton is a resident of White Bear Lake, Minnesota. Write to him at jmconnerton@gmail.com
This article originally appeared on Palm Springs Desert Sun: Minnesota is in drought, we can't send Mississippi River water to West
