Here’s how a disabled combat veteran and mother overcame her suicidal thoughts

Paid for by Wounded Warrior Project

Combat veteran Angie Lupe is a survivor. Not just of the Iraq War, but also a survivor of the physical and mental health challenges that result from active military service.

When Lupe left college to enlist in 1999 — inspired by her grandfather, who was a World War II veteran — she didn’t know that she would face many years of struggle after her service. Nor did she know that she would become living proof against the misconception that women service members don’t see combat.

In 2003, Lupe was pulled from Reserve duty and deployed to Iraq. Her military occupational specialty was originally supposed to be administrative postal work. When she got to Iraq, Lupe was detailed out as a gunner as well as a medic. She was part of her base’s quick reaction force unit, which meant that whenever the perimeter of the base was infiltrated, she had to fight.

The visible and invisible wounds of war

During the 14 months of her deployment, Lupe endured a long list of injuries and traumas that would deeply affect her the rest of her life, as well as compel her honorable discharge in 2005. While some are more visible than others, the majority of her injuries and illnesses resulting from toxic exposure and a mortar blast are ongoing and progressive.

“My body is one big spasm,” says Lupe, who relies on a wheelchair now. “Everything spasms.” An injury in Iraq reduced her ability to walk, but her condition progressed and worsened once home, eventually paralyzing her from the waist down. Lupe is also losing mobility in the top of her body, as part of her primary lateral sclerosis. She requires the help of a service dog, which aids her by laying on pressure points on her legs. Lupe also sustained a traumatic brain injury and subsequent neurological challenges — something that she says wasn’t diagnosed until she returned home.

Lupe also suffered medical complications with her reproductive system from toxic exposure, which she says is not uncommon among female veterans. Her condition required a total hysterectomy, depriving her of the ability to give birth. Toxic exposure in general is a common cause of veteran health concerns. According to Wounded Warrior Project’s (WWP) 2021 Annual Warrior Survey, nearly every participating veteran surveyed reported exposure to hazardous or toxic substances during their military service (97.9% of warriors WWP serves).

Additionally, Lupe returned home with an invisible wound of war, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It’s been nearly 20 years since her discharge and Lupe still suffers from severe flashbacks when her PTSD is triggered.

It’s certainly not an easy set of challenges to take on, particularly when you are in the first wave of veterans to return from the Iraq War. The challenge of balancing a wide variety of debilitating physical and mental health problems finally took its toll on her.

A failed attempt to end it all

As of 2021, the Watson Institute “Costs of War” study at Brown University reports that 7,052 U.S. service members were killed in post-9/11 war operations, and 30,177 U.S. service members and veterans of the post-9/11 wars have been lost to suicide. That is more than four times as many suicide deaths as there are war operation casualties. Lupe almost became a number in that statistic.

Like many of the friends she served with, Lupe attempted suicide. She unsuccessfully tried to hang herself in her wheelchair one night at home. “I went through the whole feeling like a failure thing,” she says. “I’m trying to kill myself and I can't even do that right.” But after talking with her therapist, Lupe decided to make a change.

“I'm not gonna keep this quiet, because maybe I can help someone else,” Lupe says. She’s in a better place with her mental health now. “I'm back doing everything I love to do. It’s a little different. I have to adapt to do it, but I'm doing it, and it's possible.”

How did she get there? In a word: family. Lupe’s son is a huge inspiration in her life. She married her wife in 2008 and adopted her wife’s biological son who has Down syndrome. “He was a big motivation for me with the struggles he goes through,” she says of the 26-year-old who has undergone both heart and brain surgery. “I'm here for a reason now.”

While family is important to her, Lupe says her family isn’t the only reason she’s here. She’s also here for her fellow veterans and service members. She hopes her story can inspire other veterans at risk. She believes a lot of suicides can be prevented by a shift away from the mindset that stigma encourages. She says it can be typical to think: “Who am I to complain, or who am I to have this problem? I just need to suck it up,” she says. “And then you spiral.”

Finding a new rhythm and way of life

A big step forward in Lupe’s road to recovery was getting involved in adaptive sports, something she enjoys immensely. Her favorite aspect of WWP is the Independence Program dedicated to providing long-term support to catastrophically wounded veterans.

She’s found other joys with the help of WWP, such as rekindling her passion for music. Before enlisting, Lupe used to play music and sing. When her injuries no longer allowed her to play the guitar, Lupe found herself frustrated and depressed. The music therapist WWP connected Lupe with not only helped her learn to play a ukulele (and now miniature guitar), but she’s also begun writing songs again and performing at open mics. Additionally, her wife is involved with the caregiver program.

Despite the life-changing physical and mental health challenges Lupe faces every day, she says she has no regrets joining the military. While it changed her for better and for worse, the combat veteran says, “it helped me grow and learn how to survive better.”

And if Angie Lupe is anything, she is a survivor.

If you, a veteran, or a veteran you know is considering suicide, please call the Veteran Crisis Hotline at 988 (and press 1) or send a text to the Veteran Crisis Textline at 838255.

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From Wounded Warrior Project:

Wounded Warrior Project is a nonprofit organization established to support and address the physical and mental health needs of post-9/11 injured veterans and their families. To learn more, visit woundedwarriorproject.org. If you know a warrior that could benefit from Wounded Warrior Project, have them reach out. Visit woundedwarriorproject.org/programs/wwp-registration to learn more.

You can help wounded warriors reclaim their lives from trauma and injury. Give to Wounded Warrior Project today.

This article was sponsored by Wounded Warrior Project and co-created by Yahoo Creative Studios. Yahoo News editorial staff did not participate in the creation of this content.