Here's what to learn from Lizzo and 'body neutrality' to up your confidence

In hopes of absorbing body positivity, I follow a few women on Instagram who point out that photos on social media are fake and that nobody is perfect. They pose in their swimsuits and underwear and let people see their realness — folds, stretch marks and all. I admire these women; I have long hated my body, even when I was thin.

I think the message from these women is important, and while I don’t mean to discount their journeys, I notice that society considered them all to be thin.

So I started following bigger women on Instagram. I’ve been overweight most of my life. What really blew me away was musician Lizzo’s confidence in posting all kinds of pictures in swimsuits and outfits. She glows in each photo and makes no apologies — my new role model.

Then I read an article about how Lizzo called out the body positive movement, saying the term has been “co-opted by all bodies” and has become a trend of celebrating small and medium-size girls.

She said fat people are getting the short end of the movement and are still shamed, made fun of, etc.

I agree with her. Those influencers I follow are not big or overweight, they just don’t have the “perfect” body.

Lizzo prefers body neutrality because it focuses on what your body can do instead of how it looks. The website Very Well Mind says the body neutral movement promotes accepting your body as is and emphasizing its abilities and non-physical characteristics. I like that.

Unknowingly, I’ve been experimenting with those thoughts. I focus on what my body has done for and given me (i.e. two healthy babies) instead of what it looks like. I like that my legs are strong and how I can carry grocery bags 10 at a time. I can still pick up and carry each of my children even though they’re 7 and 5. I like that despite being mentally ill my body still takes care of me and keeps me physically healthy and safe. It’s a vessel, not a life sentence of self-hatred. I’m learning.

I don’t mean to knock others who practice body positivity; there’s certainly nothing wrong with loving your body no matter what. I just think the term may be overused, and the movement can ignore or marginalize people, especially bigger people. I’m for everyone feeling self-love, but a big part of this country remains fat phobic. I think these social justice movements will help that in time, but I worry that these movements will become a meaningless trend perpetuated by bloggers, influencers and celebrities.

I hope they don’t. I’ve had boys tease me, clothes that cut my circulation off, stores that didn’t carry my size, and left a trail of failed diets. I’m sure some of you have been there. Because of this I’ve spent my life worrying about my weight, but I have my children to think about now.

My daughter has already told me her legs are fat, and it astounds me that she would think that at 7. My husband and I don’t use the word fat at home. But she’s exposed to toxic body image ideals (school, YouTube, etc.). So I tell her that you have fat, but you aren’t fat. That it’s not good to refer to yourself that way or anyone else.

Is that enough? Probably not. It’ll take a long time for society to change its approach to body image and diet culture. It’s hard to rewire your brain into thinking it doesn’t matter if you’re overweight. I know firsthand; I have binge eating disorder and have had a tummy tuck. It makes me sad that I’ve spent my adult life hating my body and measuring my worth by the numbers on the scale.

But I’m working on it. I dip into both body positivity and body neutral principles — anything that will keep me from self-loathing. My kids aren’t going to learn that from me.

My goal is to ditch the scale, wear whatever I want, appreciate my body for what it does every day and teach my kids to do the same.

I want us to feel “Good as Hell” about ourselves, just like Lizzo.

We’ll get there together.

For more than 20 years, Heather Loeb has experienced major depression, anxiety and a personality disorder, while also battling the stigma of mental health. She is the creator of Unruly Neurons (www.unrulyneurons.com), a blog dedicated to normalizing depression and a member of State Rep. Todd Hunter’s Suicide Prevention Taskforce.  

MIND MATTERS

Now more than ever we need to take care of our mental health. Guest columnist Heather Loeb discusses why and explores other important mental health topics in this special series.

This article originally appeared on Corpus Christi Caller Times: What is body neutrality? Lizzo's confidence may explain it.